When I next open my eyes, Tucker is propped up against the headboard with his phone back in his hands.
“What is with you and that thing?” I ask with a sleep filled voice, and he glimpses at me before he returns to his phone. His fingers flying across the screen.
Why am I so interested? Is that the right question to ask myself though, maybe I should ask why I care so much. Am I jealous? Staking a claim? I hate when I confuse myself.
“There’s something I have to keep an eye on, it’s taking longer than I anticipated and honestly, I fucking hate it. Everyone thinks that because we’re Harkwrights we get whatever we want, but I’m proof it doesn’t always work out that way. I just want to stop fighting and feel a bit of that happiness that ‘normal’ people seem to experience.” Okay, I’m struggling to digest all of that. It’s more than I was expecting, I didn’t even think I’d get an answer.
“Can I do anything to help?” It feels like an empty gesture, but I would if I could.
“If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.” He chuckles, but it’s a hollow sound. “Although, you could come with me to my… niece’s birthday party.” He hesitates part through, and I understand it. It’s mixing personal with whatever this is, and I don’t know how to respond.
“If you want me to, I can. Do you want me to help you pick out a gift?”
“Fuck yes. Please. That shit is hard. I don’t have a fucking clue what you girls want.” His laugh is more genuine this time, and I like this side of Tucker. Open and relaxed.
“I don’t think we even know half the time, but I would be happy to help.”
“Thanks, Tiny One. It’s a couple of weeks before the annual retreat, so classes will be over by then. We can leave a couple days earlier and stay at my place. It will be easier than staying in a hotel. It’s not usually done, but I know you won’t try to steal or snoop on me.” He captures my mouth. I don’t know if it’s his faith in me or the kiss, but I melt like a piece of ice on a hot, sunny day.
Tucker has to make some phone calls this morning before he will even think about acknowledging Christmas, so I find myself up here in Emmet’s tower, hoping that he’ll show. Darius left twenty minutes ago, despite not wanting to leave me alone, and I know because of that, he won’t stay away for much longer. Hopefully, he’ll be able to deliver the message before he comes back.
I can hear feet hitting the stone steps, and I pull myself into one of the corners, just in case it’s someone other than who I’m already expecting. It won’t do me much good, but at least I’ll have a couple of seconds to try to get past them. I’ve already gotten away with striking Shane, but I doubt I’ll be afforded that luxury a second time.
Emmet rounds the corner, looking for me until our eyes connect and he stands there, at the top of the steps. He doesn’t try to come closer.
“You wanted to see me, Five.” He looks at his watch as though he has somewhere more pressing to be, and I guess I’m not going to have long to try to make things right.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt it out and he cocks his head to the side, staring right through me.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that.” He’s being so sarcastic and I’m not sure what to make of it. I get to my feet and take a few steps closer to him.
“Emmet, I truly am sorry for the way I reacted and the things I said. Will you sit with me so I can try to explain it?” I ask feebly, and he scoffs but folds himself onto the floor, and leans against the wall anyway.
“Go on then, out with it.”
“I should have just said thank you, but that I wouldn’t accept it. And I shouldn’t have said what I did about my mother. That was a low blow, and I hate myself for stooping down to that level. It isn’t me, and I don’t know why I become so antagonistic with you.” I pause for a moment, but he says nothing as a tick appears in his cheek. “I think it’s because no one ever seems to tell you no. You treat me like any other girl, but I’m not like them, and I never will be. I mean, come on, Emmet. Do you even like me? I mean really, or is this all a game to you? Am I just a prize you want to win and brandish around until you find a shinier one?”
“This is a weird apology, Luna. You should try to work on it.” He starts to push to his feet, and my hand shoots out to grab his arm. He freezes before looking down at it and then up at me. “At first, it was the latter. You seemed so hard to get and it was refreshing, and now, I think it’s because I got to know you and I like what I learnt.”
“You don’t know me, Emmet. Not really.” A sigh falls free as I pull my hand away, but he seizes it and links his fingers with mine.
“I might not have brought the MacBook for the right reasons, but I did want you to have it so you could get your work done easier, and to be able to research without having to go to the library on your own. Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown my money around, but I don’t know how to be with someone like you. Money and power don’t impress you, and it’s all I’ve really known.”
“I know and I shouldn’t have used that against you, I am sorry for the mom comment, Emmet. I barely slept last night with all the guilt I felt over it.”
“What is it you want, Luna? Do you want me to accept your apology? Because I will, I don’t know what good it will do but I will.” He looks back down at our hands and the way his thumb strokes across my knuckles.
“Of course, that’s what I want. The weird thing is... look, I’ve accepted Liam was just a ploy to get close to me, but I miss him. The way we used to talk, I felt like I could tell him anything, and it was nice. It also felt as though he trusted me and didn’t just want me because of some confusing obsession. Why did he have to go away?” My voice cracks and he lifts my hand up to his face, drawing circles with his thumb across the back of it.
“I’m so fucked in the head, Luna, because of my parents. Well, no, that isn’t fair. It’s because of my old man and this desire to have you worries me. I wonder what it says about the type of person I am, but I can’t seem to let it go. I miss being Liam too. It was easier, but I can’t be like that around others. How is it fair that I’m one way in private, and then an asshole when we’re with the others?”
“I don’t think it is fair, but I’m learning a lot about myself in here, Emmet. Maybe you are as well. I meant what I said though. You don’t know me.” My thumb brushes against his cheek, and it hollows out for a second.
“What would you have preferred over the laptop?” I hate how quickly he changes the subject, but maybe we need more neutral ground for a moment.
“I’m not sure, maybe a recipe book or something like that. Even a voucher to buy books and cooking supplies, although maybe not that one. Knowing you, it would have been an obscene amount and I would have felt uncomfortable.” My voice lowers as I speak, and I look down at my lap as his eyes burn into me.
“It made you uncomfortable, didn’t it? The laptop, that is. It’s why you would have preferred something cheaper. Because it cost too much and you didn’t like it. Fuck, that never even occurred to me.” He sounds angry with himself, and I don’t like it.