“I can’t believe you would say that to me. I guess you weren’t the guy I thought you were.” I turn the handle and turn my back to him, my skin prickling and the hairs on my arms standing on end.
“Yeah well, neither were you. Looks like I chose the wrong sister all along. Who would have thought quiet, stuttering Luna would turn out to be the heartless bitch. Go fuck your ‘men’. You’ll be the one filled with regret, not me.”
I roll my shoulders back and hold my head high as I pull open the door and step outside; I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself from looking back one last time. “Fuck you, Cole. You may not share their name, but deep down, you’re a Harkwright through and through. I’m just glad I finally saw the real you before it was too late.”
I close the door quietly, although in my head I slam it and give it a few kicks for good measure, and then I stroll away. The minute I make it outside, my stomach finally gets the best of me, and I lose everything I’ve eaten for the day. I can’t stop, even when it’s nothing more than dry heaves, my shoulders are shaking and my chest feels tight. I know I made the right choice, now more than ever. But did he have to be so cruel? Or maybe he’s just lashing out. Either way, it hurts.
A hand strokes up my back and I don’t react, that’s how broken I feel. One conversation with him has shredded all the confidence I’ve managed to build. I feel wrecked.
“Come on, Star, let’s get back inside.” I’m hoisted into a pair of strong arms, and I bury my head into his chest. I never thought Emmet would come to my rescue, but I’m glad he’s here. I wonder what that says about my sanity.
He carries me until stairs are climbed, and doors are opened and closed. He places me gently down onto a bed that smells like him. I guess he didn’t even consider taking me back to my room. I say nothing as I bury my head in his pillow. A sheet is draped over me before a featherlight touch brushes hair away from my neck.
“It’s okay, Star. Take as long as you need.” I hear his footsteps as they move away from me, followed by the sound of a door opening and closing. I lie here, listening to the deafening silence as every name or vicious word that has been aimed my way is replaying over and over again. This time they’re joined by the one person who I never expected. Myself.
A hand is gently shaking my shoulder as it successfully rouses me from my sleep. The thing is, I don’t want to open my eyes.
“Come on, Star, it’s time to get up.” Emmet’s low timber washes over me. I turn onto my back, but not before I grab the pillow and hold it over my face.
“If you don’t cooperate, I’ll just have to pick you up.” I mumble nonsense back at him before a shriek sounds as I’m lifted into his arms. I still won’t pull the pillow away, so I have no idea where we’re headed until he drops me into the bath, fully dressed.
“What are you doing?” I shout, I throw the pillow at his head, and he catches it easily.
“You wouldn’t get up. This seemed the next best option. Now, get your clothes off and meet me at my sofa when you’re done.” He leaves, closing the door behind him and I’m surprised he didn’t demand to stay. He didn’t even try.
I slip out of my soaked clothes, before throwing them on the floor, and then I get to work on getting myself clean. I let the warmth settle around me once I’m done and I just lie here for the next ten minutes until I climb out and wrap the fluffiest towel I’ve ever felt around me.
I feel refreshed now. Although, I know I’ve done the right thing, I wish I could have done it better. I have no idea what I’m doing, how can I? Forgetting about my high school boyfriend, Cole was the first guy I ever loved and I didn’t know how to let him go gently. Am I a terrible person? Is this place bringing out the monster in me? Do I even have a happy medium? I shake my head and look around the room when my eyes fall on a pile of clothes.
There are a pair of boxers and a wife beater lying on the counter. I slip them on once I’m dry, then I leave the bathroom, and walk over to the chair. Emmet is sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table and his arm draped across the back.
“There she is. How are you feeling?” he asks, looking up at me.
“A little better. Thanks for letting me sleep,” I reply, feeling and sounding numb.
“Come on. We’re going to sit here and you’re going to tell me what happened, or you won’t. We can drink the day away, or you can do some baking. Whatever will help to get that gutting look off your face.”
“Why are you being so nice to me? I haven’t exactly treated you the same, have I? All I’ve done is get angry at you for the littlest things, and held any slight against you.” I pick at the boxer legs and his hand comes down over mine, holding me still.
“What the fuck is wrong? Just tell me.”
“I have felt as though I’m nothing more than a stand in my whole life, that Poppy was always better than me in every way. What if I was right? What if I’m always going to mess up because that’s all I’m good at?” A deep sigh passes through my lips. He grips my hips and pulls me onto his lap.
“Now, you listen to me. You are nobody’s stand in. You have guys falling over themselves just to have a moment with you. Why would we do that if you weren’t worth it? Do you really think I’d still be trying to win you over if you were nothing? I don’t know what went down today, but I’m not going to let you beat yourself up over some ridiculous shit.” His jaw is tight, and his eyes promise nothing but darkness.
“It’s not as easy as that. No matter how confident I get, it can be thrown away as easy as breathing. What’s the point in even trying?” Damn, when did I become such a defeatist?
“Because the only time you fail is when you stop trying. You don’t run from the scary shit, so don’t let this chase you away. What kind of business will you have if you can’t even get through this? So no. I won’t accept it. You’re going to pull your big girl panties on, have a few drinks with me, and then we’re going to say fuck it to this day and start tomorrow as though it never happened. It won’t even be a blip on the radar. Do you hear me?” He’s gripping my face between his hands and all I can do is nod as he deposits me back onto the sofa next to him, grabs a bottle of whiskey, and starts pouring.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that I’ll have Tom and Tucker back, and that already alleviates some of the weight trying to hold me down. That’s not to say that Emmet isn’t helping to make me feel better, because he is. I’m just not sure what to do with that. It feels good being with him, right even. Fuck, I think I need more to drink.
23
The Shock Factor
“My mouth tastes like ass.” I look through bleary eyes as Emmet stretches his arms above his head, and my eyes are drawn to the tantalizing skin that’s revealed as the cover slips onto his hips.
I swallow hard and try to fight the attraction that is coursing through me like fire. How can I be attracted to so many of them? How can I want them when I’m in love with someone else?