I quickly hold up a hand and cut him off. “Stop. You know what I mean.”
“No. It was just fucking for me.” He says it so casually, and I hate his words and how cold he’s become.
“Fine. It wasn’t for me.”
His gaze is cold, and he folds his arms, still not offering to let me into his room so we can talk.
“I’m sorry.” It’s not easy to say, but it’s something I know I should have said a long time ago.
“You’re sorry?”
His voice is filled with tension, and it makes my stomach ache. “Yes. I’m sorry for the way I left. I shouldn’t have done it that way.”
“You mean with zero warning and ripping Baz away from me with a two second good-bye. Not even giving me a chance to get used to the idea?”
I don’t want to think about that day. I know it was horrible.
“You were torturing me. You wanted to hurt me, Asher.”
Now he laughs, but it is cold and almost vile. “I wanted to hurt you? Are you really that fucking delusional?”
He drops his arms and leaves the doorway. I follow him, closing the door behind me, knowing how heated this could get and not wanting Baz to hear us arguing. “You were punishing me for going out on a date with Sawyer.”
“Punishing you? By fucking you?” His body crowds mine as my back rests against the now closed door. “If you would have told me to stop, I would have.” His lips curl up, satisfied. “But you never said no. Not once.”
I feel my chest rising at an almost unhealthy rate in reaction to his proximity. I hate how familiar his scent is.
No.
I put my hand up between us and press against his chest, pushing him away from me to give myself room to think.
“You weren’t interested in a relationship with me. I wanted you, and you didn’t want me. So I found someone else.”
“My best fucking friend,” he snaps.
“I didn’t think you would care.”
He looks angry and confused as he glares at me. “How the fuck did you think that would be okay? There’s a code you don’t fuck with.”
“If we had been dating and you were in love with me . . .” I point to his chest where his heart beats. And I know the exact rhythm of that heart from the many nights I spent resting on his chest. “But you weren’t. You made it very clear to me and to Sawyer that you weren’t in love with me. That it was just sex. So why the hell did you care so damn much about your friend dating your sex buddy?”
I challenge him, and I can tell he doesn’t like it. His eyes flash with anger, but I don’t care. “It’s still fucked-up.”
“Why?” I raise an eyebrow.
He grits his teeth. “Fine. So, you didn’t feel safe there with me. I would have moved out.” His voice is strained, and I hear the pain in his words. “You could have asked me to move out.”
“I couldn’t be that close to you. I needed space.”
“You took him from me.”
“I’m sorry.” I feel my own anguish, knowing how badly I hurt him. “I thought you’d be okay. I thought it would all be okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem like you.”
“Maybe you don’t know me,” he shoots back, and maybe he’s right. Maybe I never really knew him.
“Ash . . .” I start, but I’m uncertain about what I want to say.
“Stop,” he cuts me off. “I’m not here for you. I’m here for Baz and Baz only. You and Sawyer keep it down, and we’re good.”
I don’t believe him. I mean, I know he’s here for Baz, but I can feel how upset he is with me. I think about last night with Sawyer in my bed with Asher next door, trying not to cringe. “I didn’t know you were here or . . .”
Again, he cuts me off and shrugs his large shoulders. “You know what? Don’t even worry about keeping it down.” He lifts his t-shirt from his body, and I freeze, trying not to let my gaze drift over his muscular body that’s only gotten better over the last year. “I don’t really mind listening to you moan. Kind of nostalgic.”
Asshole.
He grabs a black button-down shirt and pulls it over his shoulders, starting to button it. “There are no rules here. You have Sawyer, and I'll have whoever.”
I fold my arms. “I don’t have Sawyer.”
Why did I say that?
His eyebrows pinch together as he finishes buttoning his shirt. “I’m pretty sure you had him last night.”
I huff. “I mean there’s no relationship there with him.”
Shut. Up. Viv.
He shrugs his shoulders again, seemingly unaffected by that bit of information. “Not surprising, but what the fuck was the last year?” Then he smiles. “He really was just my replacement, huh?”
I shake my head, so irritated I want to scream. He told me Sawyer would just be a replacement for him. I don’t want him thinking that. “No. We were taking it slow.”
He laughs with no humor. “Yeah. Sawyer doesn’t do slow.” He runs a comb through his hair. “And he doesn’t do commitment. Guess you found that out.”
Smug bastard. I shouldn’t have given him an edge, and I have no idea why I did. It just never really evolved into an actual relationship with Sawyer. We care about each other, but I think it’s become pretty clear to both of us that it’ll never be love.
“It wasn’t just him.” I try to throw my own nonchalance out there, but I can’t pull it off as well as he can. “I’m young, and I'm not so sure I want to be in a fully committed relationship. I like the idea of dating around.”
“Huh.” That’s all the asshole says as he places the comb back on the dresser and turns to face me.
“Huh?”
“Maybe you are a Tinder girl after all.” He walks closer to me, his scent invading my senses and threatening to make me stupid all over again. “Then again, you were awfully sure you wanted commitment with me.”
I glare at him. “Stupid moment of weakness. Clearly, I was completely wrong.”
He just chuckles. “Yeah, well. This was fun, but I’m late for my date.”
“Date?” Is he fucking serious?
“Yeah.” He smirks, but it’s missing the playfulness it used to contain. “Date.”
“You’ve been here for less than twenty-four hours.”
“The flight attendant was super friendly.” He heads for the door, tugging it open before looking back at me over his shoulder. “Don’t believe what they say about California. I find it has some super nice people.” He waves as he turns to leave. “Have fun with Sawyer. And Tinder or whatever the fuck.”
He leaves, and I stand there, dumbfounded.
Maybe he doesn’t hate me after all. Maybe he really is just indifferent.
What the fuck is she trying to do to me? Telling me she’s sorry? Telling me she and Sawyer aren’t in a relationship?
What in the ever-loving fuck?
She moved here for him. And now they aren’t even a couple?
She’s just using him like she used me. Or is she lying? Is she in love with him and he won’t commit to her?