That I could definitely see. Sawyer is a hell of a lot like me. He never wanted a relationship, and then all of a sudden, he was Mr. Commitment?
I never bought that shit for a second.
Fuck!
I don’t care. I don’t want to fucking care.
I climb into the convertible that pulls up in front of Lola’s and smile at the pretty flight attendant from my flight from Kansas. I have no idea what she saw in me last night to be honest. I was clearly fucked-up on the whiskey I downed before my flight, but she couldn’t stop batting her eyelashes and flirting.
“Hey, handsome.”
“Hey.” It comes out gritty and curt, not flirtatious. I’m struggling as she pulls away from Lola’s, not seeming to care that I'm a moody motherfucker.
I want to dive into easy. Not complicated.
I want to look at the blond in the seat next to me with painted pink lips and a sundress and not see dark hair or the t-shirt and jean shorts Viv was wearing when she cornered me in my room with her “apology.”
I don’t want to see betrayal and fuckery.
I want to laugh, get laid, and fucking forget. “Where are we going?”
She hops on the highway. “I thought we could get something to eat. Maybe go to a club.”
Yawn. But I don’t say it. “Sounds good.”
How the fuck are Sawyer and Viv not dating? Is she fucking other guys? If Sawyer isn’t actually trying to be in a relationship, then I'm sure he’s fucking around.
That motherfucker doesn’t know the definition of monogamy.
“So . . . How’s your sister?”
I told her I was here visiting my sister. Not that I moved here. Not looking for anything more than tonight, and she seemed down for it.
“She’s good.”
She’s more than good. She’s so fucking happy. And I can’t hate Hayden. He makes her so damn happy and somehow fits into the whole fucked-up family effortlessly. Even if he lied about who he was at first.
That was some soap opera drama shit, but somehow, they work.
And when he punched me in the face twice at Penelope and Linc’s wedding, I liked him even more.
God, I just wanted the pain on the inside to stop. I wanted the sickening misery to dissipate even a little bit. That second punch did it.
For a second, I was focused on the physical pain and not the crippling emotional anguish that follows me fucking everywhere.
Pain from my brother dying way too young. From my family moving on and forgetting him. From Penelope and Linc marrying each other when it was always supposed to be Penelope and Colt. The crushing agony of Viv taking the last shred of family I had left across the country. Video chats and phone calls can never replace waking up and hanging out with Baz in the mornings, eating cereal and watching cartoons with him before school, eating dinner with him and hearing all about his day after school, going swimming and letting him “teach” me how to swim.
She took a full year of that away from me.
She made it seem like she did it so she could be with Sawyer when he got a job in California with Linc. She tore my heart in two, and for fucking what?
Because I didn’t want to marry her? Didn’t want us to become my parents?
My fingers dig into the denim covering my thighs as I struggle to lower my fucking heart rate.
“That’s good. I only have sisters, and they’re both bitches.”
This girl is trying to engage me in conversation, but all I can think about is Viv.
I turn to look at the pretty flight attendant. She’s nice. Simple. Completely uninteresting to me and my fucked-up brain. “You know, I'm not really all that hungry.”
She turns her head briefly to look at me as she drives. “No?” She focuses on the road, and I slide my hand over her bare arm.
“No. How close is your place?” It’s a carnal growl.
She smiles as she ponders my very obvious proposition. “Pretty close.”
I smile at her as she takes the next exit.
I don’t want to fucking think or talk.
I just need an escape from her.
“So, has he been nice?”
I look at Lola across from me at the table. She’s been trying this new “not butting in” thing, but I actually prefer her slightly overbearing presence. It’s more her. “He hasn’t been anything.”
I don’t think she believes me, but it’s true. I haven’t seen him since he left for his date last night.
“Let me know if he’s being a douche, okay? I mean it.”
I nod my head and hear the doorbell ring. “That’s Sawyer.”
I stand up from the table as Lola drinks her coffee, looking down at her phone. “How does he feel about Ash being here?”
I shrug my shoulders as I start for the front door. “He hasn’t said anything.”
We haven’t really talked since he left here either. But going off his male dominance display yesterday, I’d say he’s not thrilled.
I make it to the front door and open the door for him, smiling as he pulls me into a warm embrace. “Hey.”
“Hi, Sawyer.”
He releases me, and I see his eyes automatically darting around the room, looking for Asher. “I don’t think he’s here. Or he’s not awake yet.”
His brown eyes meet mine. “Has he behaved?”
I laugh and close the door behind him. “Yes. It’s been fine. He went out on a date last night, and I don’t think he’s come home yet.”
“Good.” His smile is back, and he’s returned to the playful Sawyer I know. “Where’s Baz?”
“He’s playing in his room. We already ate breakfast. Let’s go get him.”
He happily follows me to Baz’s room. He’s playing with his toy airplanes and stops, running over to Sawyer instantly. I smile, watching them together. Sawyer and Baz had an instant connection, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn’t one of the things that attracted me to Sawyer.
He always seemed like a conceited prick in high school—and he was—but to see this softer side of him has been really nice.
“You ready to go to the zoo, buddy?”
“Yeah!” Baz is definitely excited, and I grab a tote bag with essentials before we head out.
After I get Baz into his seat, I close the door as a convertible pulls up and Asher hops out. The blond behind the wheel eyes me with curiosity before giving Asher a flirty wave and driving off.
I see Sawyer visibly tense as Asher strolls toward us, his neck bruised and purple from, I’m assuming, the blond chick’s mouth.
“Classy look.”
I shoot Sawyer an annoyed look, but Asher just smirks. “I could say the same.” He nods in my direction and then snickers as he walks toward the house. “You lovebirds have fun.”
Sawyer climbs behind the wheel, and I follow suit, falling into the passenger seat and closing the door. “Why do you taunt him?”
“Really? Me?”
I turn to look at him, keeping my voice quiet. “Yes, you. I hate what happened between you two. Don’t you miss him?”
Sawyer starts the car and backs out of the drive. “Of course, I do. He was my best friend, Viv.”
My stomach aches, knowing it was all for nothing and forever ruined. “I’m sorry.”