“Don’t do that.” He peers over at me for a brief second while his car stops at a stop sign. “I made my choice, and I would do it again. I just wish I would have talked to him first. I owed him that.”
“You did though.” I look in the back seat, seeing Baz happily playing with his tablet and not paying attention to us. I turn back to Sawyer to see his focus has returned to the road as he drives. “He told us both how much he didn’t want me. He can’t have it both ways, Sawyer. He can’t not want me and then not want me with anyone else.”
He sighs heavily as he navigates the streets. “I know.” I notice his tight grip on the steering wheel. “He was always more than capable of it only being a physical thing. But I had no idea he’d fallen for you. I tried to see if he had.”
I scoff at that and look out the windshield. “He didn’t fall for me, Sawyer. He’s just a child who doesn’t want someone else playing with his toys.”
“I’m not so sure, Viv. Not after his reaction.”
“I’m sure now more than ever.”
And I am. Asher made it very clear to me that he didn’t want a relationship. That he was afraid we would turn into his parents, and he was probably right. But I’m only human. I was in love with him, and it hurt when he rejected me.
And even though we said we could go back to a friendship, we never really did. He avoided me more and more. I was lonely, and I found Sawyer. Sawyer, who may be an asshole, but he owns it. He may be afraid of commitment, but he owned up to that also.
We weren’t sure what we were. All we knew was that we liked each other and that he was good with Baz. He wanted to be there when Asher couldn’t be. And I care about Sawyer. I can feel he cares about me even if it isn’t love.
“Well, one thing’s for sure . . .” I look at his handsome profile as he speaks with a grin on his perfect lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I smile and lean back in my seat.
That statement offers the comfort I desperately needed.
Lola left a moment ago to go somewhere with Hayden and the house is totally empty now since Sawyer, Viv, and Baz were making their exit just as I was coming home from my “date” with Claudia.
She was fun, and she gave me her number in case I’m ever back in town, but I’m not keeping it. I have no interest in seeing her again.
And for Sawyer and Viv not being in a relationship, they’re sure spending a hell of a lot of time together. But what the fuck ever. I change into swim trunks and go outside to Lola’s pool, laying out in the sun.
I pull out a joint—a parting gift from Claudia—and light up as I lounge, soaking up the rays and hoping the world will stop, even if only for a little while.
My eyes are closed, but I’m annoyed by a presence over me and look up to find my brother standing in front of me, casting a shadow on my day and killing my buzz. “Linc.”
“Ash.” His eyes trail to the lit joint in my hand. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
I wish he’d go away, but he’s a pain in the ass and takes a seat next to me, his knees bent as he remains sitting up straight and eyeing me with suspicion, which I don’t like. “You’re getting high in the middle of the afternoon. Alone.”
I take a long drag from the joint pinched between my pointer finger and my thumb and slowly let the smoke roll out of my mouth. “Yeah. Another win for California. This shit’s legal here.” I offer it to him, but he passes.
“You know a kid lives here.”
“That kid is on a playdate with a dipshit and his mother.”
His hand caresses his jaw, and he nods. “I’m assuming that’s Sawyer.”
I nod and raise an eyebrow. “Why? Is there some other dipshit hanging with Viv and Baz?”
I’m trying to seem cool and collected. Like I couldn’t give a fuck, but I doubt he’s buying it. “Not that I know of. Viv isn’t going to have that kid around a stranger.”
I scoff, taking another hit, waiting for my body to relax. “Right. Because she knew Sawyer so goddamn well.”
His irritation is palpable as he leans forward. “You did. And she trusted you, dipshit. And I believe they’d been hanging out for what? A year with you before they tried dating.”
“Don’t you have to work?” I groan and stretch my free arm up into the air. “You’re killing my high.”
“Nah, real estate. I pretty much set my own schedule.” He grins, clearly proud of himself, and I have to fight the pride I feel for my big brother kicking ass out on his own. “Plus, my little bitch boy handles a lot of it.”
I smirk. “Sawyer?”
He nods his head, laughing. “Yeah. He’s really not bad though.” I groan and lay my head back with my eyes closed.
“Ah, fuck it.” I hear and then the joint disappears from between my fingers, and I hear him inhale deeply before letting the smoke out.
I chuckle, thinking about what Colt would think of this. He never even drank. Okay, so he drank two fucking times that I know of. The night Viv got knocked up with Baz and the night he died.
A cold chill falls over my body as Linc settles back into his chair.
Fuck, Colt would be pissed about this shit.
I turn to look at him, momentarily wondering if I murmured that shit out loud, but I didn’t.
He turns to look at me, a sad smile on his face. “You aren’t the only one who thinks about him all the time, man.” I watch him swallow tightly and take another hit, letting the smoke slowly flow from his lips and up into the air. “All of the time.”
The ache inside me only worsens. “You don’t show it.”
“Because I married Penelope? And because I'm happy most of the fucking time? You honestly think he would want us all miserable?”
“I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want you fucking his girl daily.”
He doesn’t flinch. “She’s not his.” He tucks an arm under his head, totally relaxed. “There was a time I felt so fucking guilty, and maybe I still do, but Ash,” his eyes meet mine, “she was always mine. Always.”
I feel bile rise in my throat and take the joint back from him, taking a quick puff and looking over at him. He’s different now. Mature. Settled.
Hell, he’s happy.
I shouldn’t hate it. I’m not even sure I do anymore.
“Why the fuck did you hire Sawyer?”
He shrugs. “I knew him. I know he has a good background for this shit, and he was fairly impressive in his interview.”
No one charms Linc. That shit is fucking crazy. “Not just to fuck with me?”
He laughs. “Nope. No one needs to fuck with you, Ash. You’re doing a pretty damn good job at doing that by yourself.”
I look up at the blue sky. “Right.”
“They aren’t dating, you know?”
I don’t want to talk. I want to lay in the sun and ignore the world. “I don’t care. I didn’t ask.”
“Well, they aren’t.”
Fuck, Linc. When the hell did he get so chatty? “It sure seems like they are. Considering all the dating they’re doing.”