“They aren’t committed. Not at all. He said she doesn’t want a relationship, and he doesn’t either.”
What the fuck? Why? It makes no sense at all. They were all ready to move out here and date. Then, fucking what? They decided . . . nah?
“I didn’t ask, Linc. Why are you telling me this?”
He sits up and looks directly at me. “Because you should know if you still want her, you still have a chance.”
I fight the laugh and roll my eyes. “I never wanted a chance with her in the first place. That’s why she moved on to Sawyer.” My shoulder lifts. “Although, I guess he didn’t cut it.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black. I stare at him, and he shakes his head, laughing.
“For whatever reason, they didn’t work out the way they thought they would. And you can tell yourself you don’t want her all you want, but I saw the way you looked at her at my wedding. I saw the torment in your eyes after Hayden hit you, and it wasn’t because of your swollen face.”
“Linc, drop it.”
“Fine. I know for a fact that Colt would want us all to be happy, and we’re getting there. It doesn’t mean we don’t wish he was here too. But we can’t just sit around waiting to die, living a miserable existence.”
I sit up and face him. “I can’t turn into Dad.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Then his hands grab my head, and he forces me to look at him, really look at him. “You are not Dad. None of us are. You also aren’t me.”
I swallow tightly, wanting to look away but his hands hold me in place. I’ve struggled for so long to find my place in the world. When Viv left, and my entire family was here, and Colt was long gone, I thought maybe I would. But I’d never been more lost.
I went back into my old ways of getting fucked-up, of finding solace in warm bodies who didn’t know or care to know my name. Drinking and fucking my way into a downward spiral. I wanted Colt back. I wanted to feel carefree again.
Nothing worked.
“If I ended up with Viv, I would be.”
“Bullshit. You’re stronger than our fucked-up genes. It’s a choice how we end up. And once you get that, everything will be clear. Dad chose to be miserable. He chose to cheat and be a shitty husband and father. It is a choice.”
“What if I'm not strong enough to make the right choice?”
“You are. You’re Asher Sterling. Linc, Lola, and Colt’s little brother, but you’re so much more than that and always have been.”
“You’re really fucking up my high.” I should say something better than that. Thank you would be good, but that’s all that will come out of my mouth.
He smiles, releases me, and ruffles my hair before shoving my chest back. “You’re welcome.”
Fuck.
I don’t want to feel good. I don’t want him to have said exactly what I needed to hear for so long.
But damn if he didn’t do just that.
Linc left a little while ago, and I walk in through the sliding glass door just as I hear the front door open and Baz running in like the whirlwind he is.
“Uncle Asher!” He grabs me around the waist and then looks up at my attire, which is only swim trunks. “You went swimming without me?”
He looks so offended. I shake my head. “Nope. I was waiting for you. Never got in the water.”
“But you reek.” I look over to see Viv with Sawyer right behind her. They sure look together to me.
Baz scrunches up his nose and steps back. “You do stink.”
I forgot about the joint, the slight remainder in the pocket of my trunks. “Sorry, buddy.”
He shrugs and looks back at Viv. “Can we go swimming?”
She nods her head, her arms folding and pushing up her full tits in her sundress. I try not to notice. “Yes. You can go swimming with your Uncle Asher.”
Baz doesn’t look too happy and shakes his head. “No. I want all of us to go!”
Sawyer and Viv both look uncomfortable, but I'm sure as fuck not going to be their babysitter while they go and bang each other’s brains out. “Sounds good to me.” I wink at Baz and feel the heated gaze of his mother that I refuse to look at.
“Please, Mommy!”
I hear Viv sigh loudly, but I already know she’s given in. “Okay, come on. Let’s go get changed.” She shoots Sawyer an apologetic look before taking Baz’s hand and leading him toward the bedrooms.
And then his eyes lock on mine. Once he was my best friend, but now he looks at me with the same contempt that I look at him with.
“Hear you two aren’t an actual couple. What the fuck’s that about?”
His eyes dart toward the bedrooms and then back to me. “She told you that?”
I knew they were all full of shit. Is this news to him? “Yup. And so did Linc.”
His confidence is back as he shrugs and takes a seat on the sofa in the living room. “Why the hell would she tell you that?”
He doesn’t believe me, and I walk further into the living room. “I think she’s just fucking with me as per usual.”
His eyes roll as he leans back into the white couch in Lola’s living room. “No. She’s not. There is no actual commitment. There never was.”
I try not to let my jaw drop. “So then, what was that all about? You moved her here just to prove you could take her from me?”
He stands up, acting like he’s sick of my shit. “You really think that all of this is about you, don’t you? Jesus, Asher. Get over yourself.”
“Fuck you.” He doesn’t flinch. “You two aren’t together? Then what was all of that shit about liking her?”
“I did.” He corrects himself quickly, “I do. I just don’t . . .” He grips his hair with one hand, looking slightly tortured, but I don’t feel bad for him. “I don’t love her. Not like that. And she doesn’t love me.”
I don’t want to hear any of this shit. I just want to hate them both and go on about my life. I grit my teeth. “Then why date her?” I don’t let him answer. “Why the fuck did you warn me about dating a single mother with no intent to commit to her? Why did you encourage me to be with her? And then fucking date her yourself with no intention of committing to her?”
I mean, how fucking hypocritical can you get?
“I had every intention of getting to know her more and see if that’s what we both fucking wanted, Asher. Which I would have explained to you if you would have just talked to me.”
“I think there’s more to it.”
He takes a step closer to me, pointing to his chest. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Do you really think I have some evil plan? That I wanted to fucking hurt you?”
I don’t know anymore. “Why were you trying to push me toward her only to take her away?”
“You told me over and over again that you didn’t want her. I tried like fucking crazy to get you to think about actually committing to trying. I wanted to see if one of us was actually fucking capable of a real relationship. Love, marriage, babies, all that normal shit.” He looks distraught, his voice raising which is odd for Sawyer. “And it turns out, no. Neither of us are.”