Thankfully, I didn’t need to wait to hear Cooper’s response. Instead, the sound of the door opening and everyone filing in cut our conversation short. I forced a smile as I stepped away from Cooper and turned my attention to Ms. Boucher who gave me a confused look.
Bianca’s presence at my side caused me to stiffen.
“Uh, do you two maybe want to step outside?” she asked, her voice oddly hesitant. “We have to start.”
I tore my gaze away from his and spun around to face the barre. “No need,” I said. “We have nothing more to say.”
I was deflated and depressed by the time I got home from the academy that night. Anger might have felt better than sadness, but when I woke on Friday and faced another day of dodging awkward encounters with the boy I loved, I knew that anger wouldn’t stick around for long.
It had served its purpose and helped me get some closure—maybe even the upper hand—but what did any of that matter when my heart felt like it had been put through a meat grinder?
I made it through the day, though. With my head down and my mouth shut. And I survived. So maybe that was the trick. Just get through the days without interactions or fake smiles. One day at a time.
I wouldn’t win any popularity contests this way, but I might just make it through to the end of the semester.
And then Cooper would no doubt enlist, just like Trenton had done. He’d be gone and I’d be…
Still heartbroken.
I sighed at the depressing thought as I tugged on the Hazelcrest shirt they’d given me to wear on my weekend shifts. They’d asked if I could work both Saturday and Sunday this week, and I’d said yes.
I mean, why not? It wasn’t like I had any hot dates planned.
I’d thrown on my shoes and was very nearly out the door when my mom called for me. I winced. I knew why she was calling for me. It was Saturday, which meant the family members were taking turns catching up with Trenton on a videocall.
“Eve, honey, come say hello!” my mom shouted.
I could pretend I didn’t hear her, but no one would be fooled. The hearing-impaired old guy two houses down had probably heard her.
I let my head drop back with a groan before accepting the inevitable and going to face my brother.
The rest of my family cleared out to give us some privacy. I wasn’t sure why we needed privacy when the first few minutes was spent with us glaring at one another in silence.
His brows drew down and he leaned forward. “So,” he finally said.
“So,” I said, crossing my arms.
The silence continued. Then, all at once, we both started talking at the same time.
“I don’t see where you get off—”
“I can’t believe I had to find out from social media that—”
We stopped just as quickly as we’d started. I took a deep breath, reminding myself for the millionth time since ‘it’ happened that Trenton was my brother and I loved him...even if I wanted to murder him.
“Look,” I said. “I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I really am. But I’m not sorry that I have feelings for Cooper.” The words were oddly freeing. Like I’d taken off a backpack full of weights that had been bearing down on me the last few days.
Trenton was staring at me as if he were chewing on the words I’d just spoken. Feelings seemed like a sour word with the way his nose was crinkled.
“But it’s fine, because it’s all over.” The words tumbled out like vomit and I wished I didn’t have to say them. No matter how much I tried to stop, the desire for Cooper’s feelings for me to mean more to him than whatever fears are holding him back wouldn’t leave me alone.
He was everything to me.
“Cooper wouldn’t do anything to disappoint you.” I swallowed that last part because while Trenton might’ve known Cooper better than most—maybe even better than me—he didn’t know that side of him. Or if he did, he didn’t understand it. The loyalty Cooper felt toward those in his life was overwhelming yet comforting.
Trenton didn’t understand the pain Cooper was in, but I did. I’d seen it when he broke up with me, and I’d seen it again when I’d been pathetic and desperate enough to confront him at his house.
He cared for me. I knew he did. And I didn’t believe that it was just Trenton’s censure that he feared. It was something else. It was that deep, dark shadow that seemed to loom whenever I’d gotten too close.
He was afraid. And I was pretty sure even Trenton didn’t fully understand why. I could guess though. He’d changed after his father’s incarceration, and he’d withdrawn even further after his brother followed in their father’s footsteps.
With all Cooper’s talk of me deserving more and better...it wasn’t hard to read between the lines.
But how was I supposed to help him—how was I supposed to convince him—if he didn’t have faith in me. In us. Or if his only excuse was, I can’t because of your brother. Removing one barrier seemed necessary for us to work on the others.
“So...you actually…” Trenton’s expression was pained as he waved a hand in the air. “You actually like Cooper?”
I gave him a blank stare. Seriously? “Yes. Is that so hard to believe?”
He ran a hand through his hair with a weary sigh. “Yeah, it kind of is. I mean, I can’t help it. I still see you as my kid sister, and—”
“But I’m not, Trenton.” I stopped and let the words settle between us before I continued in a quiet voice. “I’m not a kid anymore, and I need you to see that.” I leaned forward, hoping he could see how serious I was. “I need you to respect that.”
He tapped his fingers against the table he was sitting at, the only sign that he was uncomfortable with this talk about feelings. “I’ve only wanted to protect you.”
“I know,” I said. “I get that. And I appreciate it, but I don’t need you to protect me anymore.” I arched my brows. “And I’d never need you to protect me from Cooper.”
He had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I know he wouldn’t hurt you.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. No, he’d never hurt me. Not physically.
But he would rip my heart out and crush it. In fact, he already did.
There was no way I was telling Trenton about that. Not because he’d go all psycho big brother but because there were some things that Cooper and Trenton needed to work out for themselves….
And there were other things that were just none of Trenton’s beeswax.
“So, you two were really an item, huh?” He laughed under his breath.
He stopped laughing when I looked away. “Wait, did you say...are you not dating anymore?”
His sudden concern made me angry all over again and I glared at the screen. “What do you care? You didn’t approve in the first place.”
“Yeah, well…” He shifted in his seat. “I would have gotten over it. I love you. I love Cooper. I wouldn’t have hated you two together.” His expression turned sheepish. “I just hated that I wasn’t in the loop.”
I nodded. I’d figured as much, but try telling Cooper that.
“Do you, uh...do you want to talk about it?” he asked.