I grimaced. “Um...no. Not even a little bit.”
He laughed. “That’s a relief.”
We shared a rueful smile but something in my expression must have let it slip that I was so not okay. “Eve, if you want me to talk to him…”
I sighed. “Thanks, but I think it’s too late for that.” I thought about my parting words to Cooper the other day. I’d said them out of spite at the time, but now they’d never felt more true. “I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”
Chapter 14
Cooper
Cribbage was not the distraction I’d hoped it would be.
I was an idiot to think coming to Hazelcrest today would change anything. But I’d known Eve would be working and I hadn’t been able to stay away.
“Your turn, dear,” an elderly patient named Rosalie said.
So far, all I’d accomplished since arriving was to have my butt kicked by a handful of older women as we played a game that I still wasn’t clear on the rules for.
Had I honestly thought my coming here today would change anything? Had I thought she’d take one look at me and forgive me for the mess I’d made? Had I truly believed that one afternoon hanging out at Hazelcrest together and everything would be fine?
Ha.
That was a joke.
I was never going to be fine. Not now. Not ever. And especially not when Eve was sitting on the other side of the room, braiding Nora’s hair. She was smiling and laughing as she weaved Nora’s peppered white hair through her fingers. She looked so at peace. So...relaxed.
So different from how I felt.
I growled as I dropped my gaze back down to the little pegs that were stuck out of a board. I knew Rosalie had moved, but I hadn’t been paying attention and now, I was more lost than I was before.
Rosalie must have picked up on my confusion and tsked as she made a move for me. I glanced up and shot her a grateful look to which she just nodded.
“Love does crazy things to the brain,” she said softly as Janet made her move.
A rock settled in my stomach as I swallowed hard. Her words lingered in the air and surrounded me like a dark cloud.
Love.
She couldn’t be more right.
Unfortunately, I’d ruined my chances with the one person in my life who brought sunshine. And now, I was rotting in my solitude. It wasn’t like I didn’t deserve it though. Eve had been right. I’d broken us up. I’d run the moment things got scary.
She’d been right when she’d said I used the excuse of her brother to keep my distance. Yes, I felt horrible about the fact that I’d betrayed his trust and made a move on Eve without at least talking to him first. But, if he was the only thing standing between us, I wouldn’t have let his disapproval keep us apart.
I would have found a way to respect our friendship and keep her in my life. By my side. I’d used my friendship with Trenton as an excuse to keep my distance, to push her away. But only because I’d wanted to protect her.
From me.
It was for her own good.
But try as I might to convince myself of that, it was getting harder and harder to believe.
I did want to keep her safe, but was being apart the only way? I couldn’t bear the thought of staying away. More importantly, I was no longer convinced that I had to.
After everything she’d said the other day, I’d been majorly doubting that pushing her away was the answer. In fact, I was starting to realize that she’d been right. And that keeping us apart was only hurting us both.
“Go talk to her,” Rosalie said, breaking through my reverie.
I startled and glanced over at her. Had she been reading my thoughts? “Go talk to who?”
Rosalie drew her eyebrows together as she stared at me. “Nora.”
Confused, I blinked. “Nora?”
Rosalie swatted my arm. “Geez, no. Eve. The girl you’ve been staring wistfully at since you walked into this place.”
At the mention of her name, I raised my gaze to Eve. Her smile had settled and she looked...sad. I wondered if she could hear us talking or if Nora had said something depressing. Regardless, I knew part of her mood was my fault. Well, not part of it. A large portion had been my fault.
My idiotic, ridiculous, fault.
I was a buffoon.
“Let me give you some advice,” Rosalie said, obviously abandoning the game that we weren’t really playing anymore.
Not wanting advice, but then again knowing that when left to my own devices, I’d royally screwed everything up, I nodded and leaned in. “I’m all ears.”
She took a moment to take in a deep breath as she smoothed down her dress over her legs and then glanced up at me. “Life is short.” Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. As if she wanted me to feel the weight of her words.
I nodded, this wasn’t the first time someone had said some sort of iteration of this comment to me. ‘Value those muscles, they’ll disappear eventually.’ Or ‘I used to be able to reach that high.’ But from the fervent look in her eyes, I could tell she intended her comment to mean something more.
“I know,” I said when I realized that she was waiting for me to respond.
Rosalie reached out and patted my hand with hers. The touch startled me and when I glanced back up at her, I saw tears in her eyes. “I don’t think you do.” She nodded toward Eve who had finished Nora’s hair and was now sitting next to her with yarn and some hook, being taught by Nora. “Life is too short to be away from those you care about.” Her words came out hoarse as if she were holding back her emotions.
All the pain and sorrow that I’d attempted to push down rose up again. They flooded my entire body in one rush. I sighed as I blinked a few times. There was no way I wanted to break down right now.
I knew what she was saying and I knew that there was truth to it, but I was scared. Scared that I would care too much. Scared that I would hurt her. Scared that she would hurt me.
Rosalie patted my hand once more as if she sensed my hesitation and understood why I was holding back.
“To love someone with that kind of abandonment is hard.” Her voice softened with each word. As if her memories were rushing back to her. “When Tim asked me to marry him, I refused ten times before I finally agreed.”
I glanced over at her with my eyes wide.
She laughed. “I was stubborn. He came from the rich side of town. I came from the poor side. I wasn’t sure I would fit into his world and I was worried that I would drag him down.” She sighed as she closed her eyes for a moment and tipped her head back. I didn’t want to interrupt her memory so I just sat there, chewing on her words.
I knew what she was talking about. Her fears spoke to me. I resonated with them. They were mine. I loved Eve more than anything and I wanted what was best for her.
“I had to learn that together we were stronger than I was on my own. He was my person, plain and simple. When I stopped fighting that and opened the door to my heart, everything fell into place.” She tipped her head back and smiled at me. “It’s freeing.” She leaned in. “Allow yourself to be free.”
I swallowed. My emotions had settled in my throat and it felt like a rock was residing there. Allow yourself to be free. I wanted to do that. Oh, how I wanted to do that.