“I came as soon as I heard,” I breathe into his neck. His hands cradle my head and lower back before he sighs against me.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he says softly. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
I pull back and give him a look like he’s lost his mind. When I heard Mackenzie was involved in a car accident with Sean, I couldn’t get here fast enough.
“Of course I’m here,” I say, placing my hand on his cheek.
He gives me another lung-bursting squeeze before releasing me and taking my hand. He starts to pull me toward the doors. “I need to go outside, get some air.”
I follow him willingly, although I’m sure the air he needs is going to be replaced by the smoke he’s about to inhale into his lungs. Even before we’re all the way outside, he brings a cigarette to his lips and lights it. I catch the glare from the girl sitting at the reception desk and stifle my laughter. He likes to break the rules no matter where he is.
We walk around the corner and he leans against the side of the building, taking a deep drag. “This is all my fault,” he says, expelling a forceful lungful of smoke.
I shake my head. “You always say that…”
“It’s fucking true, Tess. You weren’t there.”
His anger doesn’t surprise me. Perry has two modes in time of panic; murder and guilt. Actually, it’s usually a combination of both. Arguing with him is completely pointless, so I let him believe what he wants. I watch him take angry drags of his cigarette for a moment, giving him a chance to calm down.
“What happened?”
He sighs. “Mack got this bright idea that she would get into a car with that asshole and talk to him alone.” His fist clenches. “Judah saw her leaving and we followed them. I had to watch helplessly from two cars back while he drove her into oncoming traffic on the fucking freeway.”
My eyes close as I picture what that must have been like for him. I shake my head, placing my hand on his. “I’m so sorry. Is she okay?”
He nods quickly while taking another long drag. “Yeah, she’s going to be fine. A couple ribs on the left side are broken, and she shattered her left arm in two places, but other than that she’s expected to make a full recovery.”
I move closer, holding his hand tighter. “That’s all that matters.”
We don’t talk about Sean. It’s been almost twelve hours since the accident and the big story is about him—and the fact that he didn’t make it. Small town sports stars make headlines faster than anyone else does. That, and the fact that nobody really knows what a terribly disturbed person Sean was.
Perry tosses his cigarette to the ground and reaches for the mints he always carries in pocket. He pops one in his mouth, moving it around for a minute before angrily chewing it.
“I’m just glad she has someone else that loves her. Judah seems like a good dude, even though she’s been keeping him at arms length for the past couple of months.”
“Love is scary, especially after what she’s been through.” I laugh once. “It’s actually scary for anyone, no matter what the circumstance.”
He locks his eyes on me with a heated gaze.
“Well, he’s not just going to walk away because things got difficult.”
I sigh heavily. He’s not going to make this easy on me. “I’m here now, aren’t I?”
He’s quiet for a moment and then he leans in and I know what he’s going to do. I turn my head before his lips meet mine. Hurt flashes in his eyes and tilts his head to me. “I can’t even kiss you now?”
I move my hand to rest on his chest, putting a little distance between us. “Just because I’m here, doesn’t mean anything has changed for us.”
He swallows hard, his features darkening. “Okay, so you can toss me out after one little fight, but you gave Walker countless chances and never once kicked him out.”
“That was different.”
He laughs. “How was that different?”
I poke my finger in his chest. “Because you’re not supposed to lie to me.” My voice comes out louder than I expect and a couple walking by gives us a look of concern. I take a step back and cross my arms, waiting for his inevitable defense.
Instead, he looks over my shoulder, shaking his head. “I’m not changing my mind.”
“Neither am I.”
Perry huffs another deep sigh. “Tess,” he says, tenting his hands together in front of him. “I wish that I could let this go, but I can’t.” He throws them out and then they fall at his sides. “For as long as I’ve known you, all I wanted was for you is to be happy. That’s why I tried so fucking hard to get Walker to stop. I promised you that he was the best thing for you and I was going to make damn sure I didn’t let you down.” He takes a step closer, invading my space. “That’s why I didn’t kiss you that night at your party, and why I tried so hard to make a relationship work with a girl I knew I could never please, and most of all, it’s why I continued to do the wrong thing over and over because I was hell bent on keeping that promise.”
I bite my lip, letting his words sink in. When I don’t say anything in response, he keeps going, speaking softer this time.
“It completely blows my mind that you can stand here and act like I’m the one who threw us away. I’m trying to fix us, not make things worse.”
“Working for Robby doesn’t fix things, Perry.” My eyes narrow. “That’s why we’re where we are in the first place.”
He doesn’t waver. “Everything comes full circle eventually.” He motions his hand toward the building behind us. “Look at Sean.”
I’m afraid to ask my next question, but I do it anyway. “Are you really going to be able to kill someone?”
He looks away from me again and I shake his arm. When his eyes drift back to me, they are resolute. “Why do you think that’s what he wants me to do?”
“I know you. I know what you would do for him.” He tries to look away from me again, but I move closer and grab the front of his hoodie. “And I know you could never do anything like that.”
He messes with the beanie on his head, pulling it lower. “Yeah, well things change.”
Fighting back tears, I let go of his shirt and take a step back. “They don’t have to. All you have to do is tell him no.”
Consideration dances in his eyes for a moment and I’m holding my breath. For about a half a second I think I may have gotten through to him—until he shakes his head.
“I can’t do that.”
I want to cry, scream—punch him. But I can’t do any of those things. I’m frozen to the ground while my entire world slips out from underneath me. He’s determined to put himself in danger and all for what? Nothing he does will bring Walker back and what scares me the most is how he will feel afterwards. Perry was never the hardened criminal everyone perceives him to be. This was something that was thrown on him and he went with it. He went with it until it dragged everyone down in its path, and now he has to find the strength to stop once and for all. I wish for once I was good enough to be the reason.