“Oh my god, you do? I can’t believe they never told me that. No, I can believe it, and now I’m completely calling them Spunk. That’s fantastic.”
“It’s gone out of style with the younger parts of the audience, but I remember when they were just an adorable baby YouTuber with bad lighting and worse sound.”
I clutched her arm, ennui banished. “Tell me everything.”
“It’s all right there on the internet, you know.” But she didn’t seem bothered by the question. Or my hand on her arm. “At the time one of my partners was transitioning, and we watched like all—” again, that slight emphasis “—the trans videos. We came across Spunk when they had maybe six videos out and my partner had a huge crush, so he wrote them an email, and they wrote back. We started watching more, commenting a lot, and eventually my partner drifted away, but I stuck around Your Spinster Uncle.”
We’d made it to the end of the pier and found a free space to stand, facing the water. With all the other people looking out at the water, or fishing, and not a few people kissing...it had been a long time since I’d made out with someone like the couple standing against the lamp post... Not that I was staring. Because that’d be creepy.
Focus, Declan. “I kind of wish I’d known them when they first started out,” I confessed. “Or...not exactly. More that I wish I’d known them longer than I do. Though sometimes it feels like we’ve been friends for a long time. But maybe everyone feels that way with Sidney. Um. Spunk.” Ha, that nickname was gold.
Mara raised an eyebrow, turning to more fully look at me. “Really? I’ve always had the impression that they run the opposite way. I’ve known them for three years and still don’t think I’ve scratched the surface.”
“Huh. Or maybe I’m just weird. I mean, for sure I’m weird, but it could be that my weirdness is interfering with my, like, understanding. Or something. So anyway, you’re into rock climbing?”
“I’m obsessed with rock climbing.” Emphasis more pronounced that time. “Have you been?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never even been to a climbing gym, though I know there’s one here in town and my friends go. Do you recommend starting inside where there are pads on the ground or going straight into the danger zone?”
She laughed.
We started walking again, back down the pier and then along the waterfront. The wind was cold and the sun, just starting to set, was still warmish. Mara was smart and funny and this was definitely the first time I’d really gotten along with one of the dates Sidney sent me on. Mara would like the Motherfuckers, and they’d like her. She was sexy and smart, and while I didn’t feel a strong romantic vibe, you never knew...maybe that was the kind of thing that developed over time?
We eventually decided to stop at one of the little bistros on the far side of the street and she regaled me with more early tales of Sidney’s show.
“You are one of the more popular guests already, though it doesn’t hurt that you’re cute and flirty.”
“Who? Moi? Flirty?” I batted my eyelashes at her.
She pinched my cheek, which might have played badly, but by then we were pretty comfortable with each other. “This has been a lot of fun, Declan. I’m glad Spunk picked me for the honor of going out with you.”
“Oh, hey, honor, I don’t know about that. And you never said why you were surprised they did.”
Mara glanced away, picking up the crumbs from her croissant sandwich. (I’d already meticulously finger-poked and eaten every stray poppy seed from my poppy seed bagel with cream cheese and lox.) “In the past I’ve been, uh, strongly anti-dating. It was actually a little hard to compose an email asking them to give me a chance.”
“Really?” It seemed like there was more going on there, but also like she wasn’t stoked about discussing it. “Well, I’m incredibly glad you did, because this has been by far the most fun date I’ve been on. Sidney will be excited their devilish machinations were so successful, don’t you think?”
She sat back. “Hmm.”
Hmm?
I got nervous. Cue: nervous rambling. “You want to go out again, right? I’ve just been assuming because I’m having a really good time, but you definitely don’t have to. I’m feeling a strong four, four-point-five on the physical chemistry score, I don’t know if you’ve been watching The Love Study. Wait, you must have been watching The Love Study. Or we wouldn’t be sitting here, right?” Cue: nervous laughter. “But are you interested in going out again? Or am I making up that we have chemistry? Which you can tell me, I’m tough, I can take it. It’s all in the name of science and YouTube, right?” I took a slurp of my ice water, which was now a glass of ice with a little bit of melt at the bottom, and waited for global warming to put an end to the earth so I wouldn’t keep embarrassing myself.
Mara took a deep breath.
Oh my god, I’d gotten it wrong, she was repulsed by me after all, why was I so stupid, and how could I ever think a woman this smart and attractive would be interested—
“I think you might have your eye on someone else, Declan.”
I glanced around, wondering who she thought I was looking at. Not the love-struck seniors at the window table (though they were sweetly holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes), and for sure not the business casual threesome with their phones out. “I really don’t,” I said, satisfied I really hadn’t.
She uttered an amused hah. “I meant Spunk.”
“Wait, what?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I like you a lot. But your favorite topic of conversation is Spunk, and I think before you go trying to seek out a stranger to date, maybe you should, you know, try dating the person who’s right in front of you.”
I pouted. “I just tried that and she said no.”
“Figuratively right in front of you. Right in front of you every Monday evening when you film cute, flirtatious livestreams together.”
“Sidney does not flirt.” Did they? Maybe every now and then. In passing. Casually. Not for real.
Mara eyed me for another long moment. “I’ve never seen any other guest have such a playful, warm dynamic with them. I’m not sure what all they’ve told you, and I only know a little from the kinds of things they used to say, but I don’t think they’re used to...expecting anyone to pay attention to them for longer than a video. And you do. Anyway, I’m happy to see you again, and this has been fun, but if you want my opinion, you should talk to Spunk.”
“But...they don’t date people.”
“Neither do I, usually.” She poked my shoulder in what I took to be a big-sisterly way. “You’re a little bit special, Declan. And I could be wrong, but I think Spunk thinks so too.”