Mia’s dad didn’t tell too many Korean jokes (that’s jokes about Koreans, not jokes in Korean, though if we could convince him to joke in a language most people present didn’t understand, that would probably make Mia really happy). Ronnie’s parents didn’t show up, as expected, but her sister made a wonderful toast that had pretty much everyone in tears.
Then there was the dancing. You find out how many queer people are present at a gathering when the dancing starts. I don’t want to act like queers are better dancers than non-queers (though statistically speaking, we are), but get enough of us together and we can turn anything into a club. Even a local park with three separate playgrounds in sight. (Why does the park need three separate playgrounds? Is that a thing?)
By nine p.m. I was ready to drop. Mason and I had shown up at the bridal residence at eleven that morning to do some decorating and make the bed with sexy sheets (that would probably fall apart the first time they were washed, but whatever). We’d also stocked the fridge with a mix of real food and some, uh, vulva-esque food carvings that had been Oscar’s contribution to the honeymoon suite’s mini-bar-and-complimentary-snacks-buffet.
My resolve not to get drunk was hanging on by a thread as I made my way back to the small table the three of us had taken over once the party had really gotten going. The loving and adorable brides had just said their goodbyes, after which I’d taken a minute in the bathroom to remind myself that I still didn’t want to consume an entire bottle of wine (even though I kind of did).
I slumped down in between Mase and Oscar, propping my head in my hands. “Is it bedtime yet?”
Mason patted my shoulder. “There, there, sugar plum.”
“There there what, though?”
“Sugar plum.”
“But there there what?”
“I was calling you sugar plum. As a joke.”
“I realize that, I meant—”
He giggled.
“You asshole.” I slugged him in the arm. “Stop messing with me, I’m exhausted. Doesn’t it feel like this morning was literally weeks ago?”
“Seriously.”
Oscar pulled the last of the wine toward him and dumped it in his glass. “We can leave now, right? We don’t have to stay longer now that the newlyweds are gone?”
“Come over to my place,” Mase said. “I have a decent bottle of wine and a bunch of junk food I bought last week.”
“Sloppy seconds from The Stoner, count me out.”
I looked in between them. “Wait, you had The Stoner over again? And you didn’t tell me?”
“Dude, you’ve been a little busy. Plus, it’s not like we’re friends, we’re just fucking.”
“You bought snacks.”
Mase shrugged. “He’s always hungry. For obvious reasons. The last thing I want is for him to get the munchies in the middle of sex, so I feed him first.”
The line must have repeated in his head at the same time it did mine. Both of us started laughing.
“This is what it’s come to,” Oscar moaned. “Those two get married, Dec finds true love, Mason starts keeping a stoned sex monkey as a pet, and I die alone. I always knew it would end this way.” It looked like he was going to actually pull off the elaborate sad face routine he was attempting...until it all fell apart and he barked laughter. “Oh, fuck us, you guys.”
“Nah. Come help me eat monkey feed.” Mase clapped a hand to both of our backs and we obediently followed him out.
“Shouldn’t we say something to Mia’s parents?” I whispered.
“We sat with them all night, they’ll be fine.”
True. Probably. Anyway, we were out of the tent and passing one of the playgrounds on our way to the cars. The rest of the wedding would have to fend for itself.
* * *
“Here’s the thing,” I started, then lost my nerve.
We were back at Mason’s apartment. I was sprawled on one side of the couch with Mase while Oscar was in an armchair with his feet propped on the coffee table. We’d killed two bags of chips and a box of chocolates that somewhat belied Mason’s claim that he’d had The Stoner (AKA the last guy he was with for longer than a week) over as a booty call.
Oscar sighed. “Just say it.”
Mason only looked at me.
“Here’s the thing...”
Oscar rolled his eyes.
“...I’m really happy for Ronnie and Mia.” I was. I knew that for sure. Super happy.
“Obviously.” The total irritation in Oscar’s voice—familiar, heartfelt irritation—made it easier for me to talk.
“Is it fucked up that today also kind of made me...sad?” I didn’t want to look at them as I said it, but I couldn’t not-look at them either.
“Me too,” Mase said quietly. “I feel really shitty about it. And I’m also so happy for them, like ridiculously happy that they have each other, and that they’re finally getting married when they’ve wanted to for so long. It seems like that should...outweigh my, um...envy. But it doesn’t.”
I didn’t envy them exactly. But it was a little hard to watch them all wrapped up in each other without sincerely doubting I could ever be that guy. The guy who gets to be all wrapped up in someone else, and deserves to have them all wrapped up in him.
The truth was that I was a compromise position, like Mase had said at drinks. And it didn’t seem fair to ask someone to do that. Even without a wedding, it was a pretty shitty thing to do, knowing you were not good enough for someone and trying to be with them anyway.
“Dying alone,” Oscar announced. “My new life goal. Get laid, go home, go to sleep, go to work, rinse, repeat.” He brushed his hands against each other with finality. “Decision made.”
“You forgot drinks,” Mason said dryly.
“If I can fit drinks in to my busy schedule of getting laid and sleeping, I will. But since I’m not having sex with you assholes, I make no promises.”
Mase flopped a hand in his direction. “Been there, honey.”
“You bitch.”
I giggled, roused out of self-pity by the memory. Their very short-lived thing was over before Mase and I hooked up. Distant history. Really entertaining now, though. “Remember when you guys—”
“No,” both of them said at once.
“Well, I remember, and it’s hilarious. Anyway, tell me I’m not a horrible person for having like...complex feelings about the wedding? I mean, not about the wedding. Just about...weddings. And things.” Relationships. Humans in general. One incredibly awesome YouTuber who obviously deserves better than me in particular.