I think I was already there, at that conclusion. To keep my mouth shut. I was good at it anyway, it came second nature.
I knew the importance of keeping quiet and that you didn’t just get allowed to walk free with knowledge that could destroy a plan. People got killed for seeing and saying too much.
There was stuff I wasn’t supposed to talk about. Ever.
This was just one more thing. One more thing to add to the list.
And he couldn’t see me anymore.
Back to the job.
I nodded. “Sure. Job comes first right?”
“I mean it Jia. I need your word that you won’t say anything to your father or anybody. You can’t talk to anybody about what you heard or saw. There’s enough danger in the mix without adding to it.” His eyes pleaded with me making me see the gravity of the situation. “If it’s real between us, please promise me you won’t say anything.”
It was the pleading in his eyes that reached the part of me that fell for him.
“You have my word. I won’t say anything to anybody, especially not my father.”
“Thank you.” He sighed, looked me over with sadness in his eyes then left me.
I watched him go and the tears took me again.
Tears and hopelessness.
Xander was the first person in a long time to give me something I never expected.
Happiness.
It was gone now.
All I had left to look forward to was doom.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Xander
I knew as an agent it was direct cause for severe disciplinary to not only give the mission away, but to allow the person who’d found out about the mission to walk free with the knowledge.
Well therein lay the question of what the hell had happened to me.
The best explanation I could give for my actions was that I’d slipped up and got messy.
I’d gone beyond reckless, and beyond simply blaming my worry over Jia.
It was more than that.
It was the thing that made me cast aside common sense at the very basic of levels. When it came to her, I hadn’t even exercise the general level of common sense you’d expect the average Joe to have.
I knew better than to talk in a room with someone who could hear me. Yet I did.
That was the slip up. All my years of claiming to be the shadow, getting in and out of anywhere I’d wanted without being seen, being able to steal anything I’d wanted without getting caught, and I slipped up with a phone call.
How foolish. It made me look less than amateur. Like a rookie thinking with his dick and not giving a shit about anything else.
Granted I hadn’t said much.
When Jia had been back at my place, all I’d said to Wes when he called was that I hated playing double agent and I wasn’t the person I claimed to be.
I didn’t say much, but fuck, it was enough. All that I’d said was more than enough to spark suspicion and curiosity.
If I’d heard anyone say such things I would have done exactly what Jia did. I would have done the same thing and followed, then snoop to get answers.
Couldn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her for my stupid ass mistakes and couldn’t blame her for her reaction. The whole thing was my fault. I let her get under my skin. I allowed myself to fall into the temptation of her because I couldn’t resist. Couldn’t say no, couldn’t say no to her even when I knew I should.
I’d fallen prey to the craziness that had taken me from the first time I set my eyes on her. It was the picture Ethan first showed us weeks ago. She’d looked desperate. I just didn’t know at the time what the desperate was.
The desperation was to be saved.
Freedom.
People like that were best left alone if you couldn’t help them.
Not only had I potentially blown the mission, but I’d made her life worse just for being with her.
I wasn’t sure what got to me more.
My new debacle sent me to Wes, to his little dinky apartment that was a few blocks away from mine.
I cursed myself when I got there and saw he wasn’t alone. Didn’t know he would have a woman in there with him. He was the kind of guy who would answer the door to me though, no matter who he had with him, or how busy he was.
He knew it had to be some kind of emergency since we’d just seen each other a few hours ago.
We waited for the dark-haired woman who was half dressed when I got there, to get ready and leave.
She gave Wes a kiss before she went through the door and he told her he’d see her later.
“I’m sorry. I feel like a prick for interrupting you,” I apologized.
“It’s cool man. What happened now?”
I held his gaze for a few seconds, wondering how I should proceed. Pulling in a deep breath I launched into the recount of what had happened.
The minute I told him Jia followed me and heard us talking, Wes’ face turned pale the same way it had when I told him about The Ra’s involvement in the situation.
Hearing about The Ra was one thing. We knew what to expect from them. They were terrorist extremists who’d formed a criminal syndicate. We know anything they did would be next level bad.
Jia on the other hand was Jia.
The Vegas Mafia king’s daughter. I didn’t know what to expect.
What I did know was her knowledge that we were after her father was bad, even if she didn’t know the specifics.
“Jesus, Xander,” he grimaced, putting a hand to his head. “Fuck man. What the hell?”
“I know.”
“Xander, what the fuck are we going to do. We should bring her in.”
“No,” I said quickly. Too quickly.
Bringing her in was out of the question. I didn’t want to do that, and I wouldn’t be doing anything like that.
Wes gave me an exasperated stare of defeat. “Xander, this has gone too far man. This has gone way too far. I’m in this for you bro, but fuck, you aren’t thinking straight.”
“I know. I know Wes, but I can’t bring her in. I know what that makes me look like, a damn pussy … but I can’t bring her in. She said she wouldn’t say anything. She promised me.”
“And you believe her? Jesus, Xander. This is her father we’re dealing with. She heard us talking and Ethan said enough for her to report back that her father’s in some kind of trouble.”
“I know, and bro… I would have gone to Ethan first if I believed she would tell Giovanni. But I’m here telling you.” I didn’t know if that was me talking more shit to push through the shit I was already in, but it made sense to me. It made sense to me because a big part of me trusted her. It was the part of me that thought I should tell her it was real for me.
I just had to seriously hope with everything inside me that I could wholeheartedly trust her and she wouldn’t say anything.
Wes sighed and shook his head. “This is a big ask, Xander. Trusting a woman you barely know. You haven’t even known her for a month and we are dealing with some serious players here.”
“I know Wes. I know it’s shit, but I can’t bring her in. Just imagine what would happen. We take her in against her will and then what?”
I couldn’t see Giovanni taking that too lightly.
It would be the worse of two evils. Her knowing what was going on, or us taking her in and Giovanni finding out she was missing.