Plus I just couldn’t do it.
“Oh… God,” Wes sighed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s run through this. What exactly does she know? You didn’t mention anything about the blueprints did you? She doesn’t know about that does she?”
“I didn’t tell her anything Wes.” I released a ragged sigh. “What I told you is what happened. She doesn’t know any of the other stuff. The more important parts of the mission if you will. I kept my silence on that and told her what she needed to know and that was to keep quiet.”
His shoulders slumped. “Xander, I know you go way back with Ethan. But I’m gonna advise you not to say anything to him.”
“I definitely won’t be saying anything to him. The plan is to continue as normal.”
“And the girl? Jia. Is that it with her? You were all worked up earlier about her marrying this Armand guy and being shipped off to Europe. What about that Xander? Are you going to do something more about that? Cos… I really, really feel you need to take a damn step back. I think if she actually keeps quiet, then you got lucky. It means though that we have to move faster.”
I nodded, completely agreeing, even though I didn’t want to. This was the part that I couldn’t control. I had to calm the fuck down and take that step back.
“That’s it with her. No more damage.” That’s it… I couldn’t believe I was making the cut. I couldn’t believe I was even saying the words. Severing the link of the emotion I’d sparked with her, and that bond.
It was real for me. It is.
What good was that now though?
Duty had to come first.
I’d had the offer of help from Ethan to find Balthazar but truthfully I was the kind of guy who would push through on this mission because it was serious. It was serious , a damn global threat and I needed to get serious and stop thinking with my dick.
“That’s it with her, Wes,” I repeated sounding more like I was confirming it to myself than to him.
“Okay bro. Then you have my silence too. I won’t say a word. After all I’m here for you. But, I mean it when I say we gotta move fast. I’m looking into the underground passage today. A week max here, that is all. No more. Less would be very advantageous.”
“Yes, a week max. Keep me posted throughout the day. If you find we can check things out later then let’s do it,” I suggested.
“Sure. I’m close, so listen to hear from me.”
Listening to hear from Wes was the exact thing I focused on.
It faded from my mind though when I got to the casino and saw Jia.
She was standing by the concierge desk talking to a few people.
As usual, just the sight of her stole my breath away.
I wasn’t doing very well for a guy that had just told his best friend that I was done with her. I wasn’t doing well at all.
Once again I was torn between duty and emotion.
Fuck, it always came back to that.
Had I done the right thing by trusting her?
What if she did tell Giovanni?
I never trusted anybody. Wes was the guy who pushed the limit for me, so he was right to point out that I was trusting a woman I’d barely known.
It took her a few seconds to look my way. When she did, the first thing I noticed was the dimness in her usually vibrant skin.
She’d done her best to hide the dark circles under her eyes but I could still see the hint of them. I was about twenty feet away but I could see how haggard last night had left her.
Jia looked away from me and proceeded to walk in the direction of her office. I should have just allowed her to go and indeed leave her alone from here onwards since I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. My legs however took on a life of their own. Moving against my will they carried me to her and the next thing I knew I’d reached for her and pulled her to a stop.
She cast me a sharp stare and backed out of my grasp.
“What are you doing?” she snapped.
Her voice had been a little loud so she glanced about us to see if anyone had heard. As usual on the casino floor, everyone was more taken with either their winnings or the chance to win. Even at this time of the morning.
“I wanted to check on you,” I answered, holding her gaze. She looked pissed. Seriously pissed off with me, and I couldn’t blame her.
“Check on me? Or check to see if I spoke to anyone and ratted you out?” She smirked without humor.
“No, it wasn’t that.”
“How do you think I am, Xander? Do you think I feel good? Do I look like I’m okay to you? Really?” She shook her head and snapped her gaze over me from head to toe. “Xander Cage, my father spread his bed so he can lie in it. It’s what happens to liars and people like him. Liars and those who take advantage of others.”
She was talking about me.
I couldn’t answer one way or the other.
“I live in a very dark world,” she added. “I know what seeing too much and saying too much can do to a person. So, you don’t have to worry about me spilling your secrets. I promised you I wouldn’t say anything and I meant it. As far as I’m concerned I heard nothing. I saw nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. Not between you and me. Nothing. It never happened. I never met you, never felt for you, never hated you. Nothing. So please just leave me alone.”
As she turned on her heel, the sting of her words left me numb.
It was what I deserved though.
She was right. In the grand scheme of things nothing happened.
I was a shadow.
I practically didn’t exist.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jia
The aroma of basil mixed with ripe garden tomatoes tickled my nose.
The dining room had filled with the scent as it drifted in from the kitchen.
Pa always got the best. All the ingredients he used when he made a meal were organic and fresh.
Whenever he made lasagna he went to town.
Fresh everything and even the timing had to be exact so at serving the flavor would work in the perfect fusion blend.
Ma had been like that too.
That was how she met Pa.
Their marriage was actually arranged but it was the kind that worked in their favor since they were already sneaking around to meet each other years before they got wind of being betrothed to each other. It was like some blessing in disguise. I could imagine it must have been nice.
Both of them had shared their stories with me in different ways. It was supposed to be our little family secret that we kept amongst ourselves - How they’d outsmarted their families, my grandfather in particular who was exactly like the Godfather.
Speak the name Marchesi in Italy and people knew to watch themselves. It was the same as the Rossi’s who ruled Chicago until recently when the Morientz’s took over.
We were older though. Old money, old wealth. It created opportunity and certain expectations.
Like how the daughters had to fall in line and obey when they were told to do something. Even if it was to their detriment.
I’d gotten here for dinner at six, just as I was told to.
Pa had told me to sit at the dinner table and wait while he finished off the salad.
He was in there finishing off the food and pretending to be a father, doing his best rendition of father. He’d even been wearing an apron when I got here.