I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. I know it’s meant for an insult, but she was so gentle about it that it was hard for me to get angry. Plus I was on the verge of a panic attack, so then there’s that clouding my defensiveness too.
“Smile.” She elbowed me as we stepped up to the counter. One by one we placed the items on the counter. Pads, tampons, shampoo, and conditioner. Two fingernail polish bottles and even acetone. Darcy chit chatted with the girl behind the counter while the entire time I was chanting in my head over and over for forgiveness. Oh, and a speedy cashier. I just wanted this entire thing to be over.
I missed everything that was said between them, just smiled as if I was pleasantly amused and entertained. The way Darcy kept continuously looking at me, I assumed I was failing, but only because she knew me too well. This kind of thing was hard for me. I’d spent so many years focusing on never stepping out of line that the idea of something like this getting back to my father terrified me―to the point of a panic attack. I was trembling.
“I love this color.” The cashier picked up the bright pink polish that was on the counter and looked at it, smiling. “It’s one of my favorites.”
“Mine too.” I forced the words out when Darcy kicked my foot with her pointy shoes.
We finished checking out, gathering our bags as we turned toward the door. For the first time since Darcy had convinced me to drop the polish in my purse I let out a slow breath. Not that I felt good about the crime I had just committed, but the idea of my father finding out was crippling. We’d just reached the doors and were about to step out when my body went rigid from the sound of my name being called out.
“Ruby.” I gripped the bags in my hand tightly and remained frozen in the doorway. So many things were going through my mind. Someone I knew had seen me do the unspeakable and now they were calling me out on it. My father would know, I would be a disgrace. “Is that you?”
Peeking ever so slowly over my shoulder, I came face to face with Vera, an old friend of my mother’s. “Oh my.” Tears filled my eyes and I dropped the bags to my feet as I moved toward her. “You’re here?”
I still felt almost as if I were imagining the entire thing. It had been years since I’d last seen her. Right after my mother passed, she’d transferred to Boston and that was it. I’d lost her too. A woman I’d admired who was always like the perfect aunt you could tell anything to and knew that your secrets would always be safe.
“I thought that was you.” She released me from the tight embrace, but continued to hold my shoulders firmly. “You look so much like her.” That statement both pleased me and made me sad. I knew without a doubt that my strong resemblance to my mother was a huge reason why my father could barely look at me. I was a constant reminder of who he’d lost.
“Are you visiting someone?” I looked around and saw no one near her.
“Actually,” she let her hands fall from my shoulders and smiled brightly at me, “I’ve moved back.”
She was back here. She came back. “Here?” I know that I sounded ridiculous but honestly I was still a little shocked. Vera Wright was the closest thing to a mother that I had left, and when she moved it was devastating to a young girl who had just lost her mother. Now she was telling me she was back, and part of me couldn’t decide if I were imagining the entire thing or if by some miracle something good was happening in my life and I should rejoice.
“I’ve just found an apartment and put a deposit down. Looks like I will be heading up the teaching department at UF Health.” I nodded because my brain was having a hard time catching up with my racing heart. I knew Vera wasn’t my mother, no one could ever take that place, but I honestly felt like a part of my heart was being healed. “I hope that this means you and I will be able to reconnect.”
“Yes!” The word flew from my mouth in a rush and she laughed. I felt like a little girl all over again. “I would love that!” She seemed pleased. “I’ve missed having you in my life.”
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.”
The letters and the birthday cards were nice, but they weren’t enough. This, having her here, this was right. This was a huge piece of what I had been missing for so long. Someone to talk to, someone to lean on, someone who would be on my side, no matter what.
“Here’s my number.” Vera held out a card. “You call me, we’ll have lunch, I can show you my new place. Are you still interested in medical research?”
I was, so much, but getting into the fact that my father thought I’d be better suited to follow his path was something I didn’t have time for. So for now I simply nodded my head and found the pleased look on her face a huge boost for my confidence.
We shared another hug, then she walked off in one direction and Darcy and I in another. A newfound spirit returned, one I thought I’d never feel again.
“So what’s next?”
I reached out and snatched the list from Darcy. “Let me have a look.” Suddenly the items didn’t feel so intimidating. I was a young woman, one who had been trapped and forced to be someone she wasn’t. It was time to free my self and start living my own life, for me.
7. Pick out my favorite nail polish and forget it landed in my handbag while tossing it in the cart. (Shh, it’s not stealing if it’s an accident.)
Chapter Seven
Jay
“Are you still coming?”
“Only because you’re forcing me to.” If it weren’t for my sister I would avoid any true contact with my father. A ding on my phone notified me that I’d just gotten activity on my account was good enough. His attempt at Father of the Year deposits were what he felt it took to be a great dad.
Jade still held hope that one day he’d wake up and be there for the both of us. That alone pissed me off because my sister deserved more. I think the absence of our parents was the number one reason why she continued to chase the wrong kind of men. She was searching for something she was never gonna find.
“Do you really think he’s gonna show?” I hated to lay doubt in her mind, but the truth was it was almost a given that he would stand us up. We’d arrive at the restaurant, wait for about ten minutes before deciding to go on and order an appetizer. More time would pass, I’d grow agitated, Jade would try to calm me with some nonsense conversation. Stories that I’d most likely heard before. Whatever she could offer as a distraction. Then he’d message her, not me. Never me. He’d assure her that he’d been caught up in an unavoidable task and that he’s sorry he would have to reschedule. Then we would both have a little extra money appear in our accounts to keep us satisfied, so to speak. It was getting harder and harder not to seek him out and show him just how dissatisfied I truly was. But I held my cool for Jade.
“He said he’s already on the way here.” I found that hard to believe and something I had also heard before.
“I’ll be there in fifteen to pick you up.”
I spent a few extra minutes sitting in my truck, trying my best not to dial his number and leave a message about how it would be in his best interest to show tonight and not to fuck over his daughter like he had her entire life. I gave up caring a long time ago. I didn’t need my father, I didn’t want him in my life. Forgiveness for all the bullshit he’d fed us over the years was long gone. The ship had sailed and it had sunk to the deepest fucking depths of the sea.