Irritation within me grew thicker and I was already climbing up into the cab of my truck. My keys sat in the ignition as I waited for the call to connect to the Bluetooth.
“Business in Berlin.” I’d missed the first part of what he was saying during the connect, but to be honest, I didn’t truly care. All I wanted was five minutes of his time―hell, I would settle for two. Long enough to say what had been on my mind for longer than I could remember and then I’d be out. He didn’t even have to respond, because frankly I couldn’t care less what he felt.
“You got five minutes to say hello?” Keeping the resentment I felt toward my father out of my voice was one of the hardest things to do.
“Don’t you have class?”
“Just finished.” I instantly picked up on his hesitation and I knew it was due to the fact that his buffer, Jade, would not be present. She was a talker and left little time for he and I to converse, which was perfect for him. I wasn’t blinded by him and he knew this. Jade strived for his approval, I welcomed the distance he provided. Hating your father was a difficult thing, but in my defense he never tried to change that, only tried to bury it with gifts and money.
“My flight leaves in a little less than three hours—”
“Perfect, all I need is a few minutes.”
“What is it you need?” His question broke the barrier of my anger.
“I think asking your father for a few minutes of his time shouldn’t be that difficult. I’m sure your newest conquest could spare you for at least that.”
Silence settled between us. I could almost imagine him worrying his lip, something he’d done often when things weren’t exactly going his way.
“I’m staying at the Hilton.” The bastard was only a few miles away and had no intentions of reaching out. “I can meet you in the lounge in fifteen minutes.”
“Maybe you should just meet me outside.” I was sure he didn’t want everyone lingering around to hear what a piece of shit he truly was. “I’ll be there in ten.” Ending the call, I tried to rein in my irritation. With each turn I could feel myself growing more frustrated, which I knew could only end badly.
Pulling up seven minutes later, I parked in the nearest empty space and instead of climbing out I took the few extra minutes to calm myself. Closing my eyes I leaned back, resting my head on the seat behind me. The music still played on the radio, my hand drumming to the beat against my thigh.
When I finally felt like I could maintain some control I opened my eyes and that’s when I saw him. Standing just to the left of the front entrance of the hotel, he was staring straight ahead toward me.
Tall, much like me, with the same sandy blond color of hair. I despised the fact that I resembled him so much. But the alternative wasn’t much of a step up. Both my parents were piss poor excuses of family. Jade was the only true family I had.
With one deep breath I grabbed the handle and climbed out of my truck. Fisting the keys in my hand, they bit into my palm.
My father looked around, almost to ensure he was alone before moving toward me. Pausing near the curb he crossed his arms over his chest. An intimidation tactic that may have worked when I was a child but no longer amounted to anything more than a humorous attempt.
“Jay.”
“John.” A father is someone so much more than he’d ever offered.
“You look well.” This was pathetic. The man had absolutely no idea how to talk to me. He was already struggling after less than a minute. “Jade said you—”
“Why don’t we both stop pretending this is a friendly visit between a father and son?”
“So then what is it?”
“I’ve thought about how this conversation would go so many times.” My head felt like it was spinning. “I’ve gone over it and over it, but in the end I always end up at the same place.”
“What place is that?”
“Disgust.” He narrowed his eyes and again it did absolutely nothing to faze me. “You’ve had so many chances to be better, yet it’s always the same. Blow into town, only to rush out and leave a path of destruction in your wake.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Jade.” She is the only fucking reason I give two shits about any of this. “I’m talking about your daughter.” His eyebrows crease in confusion and I wonder to myself if he really is that oblivious. “Make a choice. Be a father, or just walk away. Playing with her head, making her feel like you care only to be let down time after time isn’t doing her any good. In fact, you’re screwing her up. You’re leading her into the arms of all the wrong kinds of men. She’s out there actively seeking a man who will give her all the things she is missing. Do you even care that the last guy she was with beat her up more than once? But because she didn’t want to be alone she took it, she let him hurt her. Somehow in her warped mind she’d convinced herself that having a man that hurt her was better than having no one at all.”
For a split second he looked remorseful but I didn’t back down.
“Be a father. Ask her about her life, show up when you make plans to, call other than to just apologize for missing a dinner. Stop trying to make everything better by throwing money in our accounts. If you can’t be more than just those things, if you can’t be there when you’re needed, then stop trying at all. Because the disappointment that Jade feels every single time you bail on her is harder than just facing your constant absence. Be a fucking man for once in your life. Be the father she needs, or disappear.”
I didn’t care what he had to say in return. Even as I turned around and began to walk away, I ignored when he called out for me. Because I knew what’s coming, more excuses. And if I had to hear one more I might not be able to stop from knocking him on his arrogant ass. Walking away was better, for his safety anyway. I just hoped that one ounce of what I had to say sunk in.
For my sister’s benefit I hope he heard me. Because I didn’t need him, but for some unknown reason she thought she did.
Chapter Ten
Ruby
It felt nice spending time with Vera, though I’d been doing it secretly. While my father believed me to be studying I was enjoying laughs with her. Pictures of my mother growing up, stories I knew for a fact my father would never have told me. Over the last week I’d laughed to the point of tears, I’d eaten more junk food than any one person should, and I’d watch more bad television than I’d ever imagined.
But I felt alive. I felt like me, like the girl who had been caged up for so long was set free. She’d managed to give me back a part of my mother, and in doing so she woke up the girl I’d hidden away for fear of my father’s disapproval.
Vera and Darcy had become not one but two devils on my shoulders, each ensuring me that the joy I was feeling was okay. Each urging me to continue to live my life the way I should be living it and to break free from the chains my father had me shackled with.
No, as I stood in the center of the two of them and look up at the glowing red sign before me, a little bit of that free feeling fades. “I don’t think I can do this.” I took in a slow, deep breath and I gripped the photo in my hand a little tighter. “I can’t remember ever sweating this much. I’m freaking out here.”