It had been a lapse in judgment. I’d taken for granted that Hailee would be waiting, that she’d understand where I was coming from.
A whole day, asshole. I ignored the little voice of reason and climbed out of bed. I needed a shower and some food since I’d gone to bed on an empty stomach.
Hitting call, I waited for Jase to answer.
“I fucked up.”
“Yeah, you did,” he ground out. “What the hell were you thinking? She was going out of her damn mind.”
“I didn’t... shit, Jase. Things were hard with Xan when I went to leave. He was a mess, I was a mess. I just needed space, ya know?”
“I get it. He’s going through some stuff and you’re carrying that responsibility, but Hailee is your—”
Everything.
She was my everything.
“Yeah, I know,” I forced the words out over the lump in my throat.
“Talk to me, Cam. Where's your head at?”
“He needs me, that’s all I know. When I’m there, he’s better, and Mom and Dad can breathe again.”
“Shit, it’s that bad?”
“Yeah. His therapist is talking about attachment disorder. But his symptoms are atypical. Kids with AD don’t usually form secure attachments to any of their caregivers, but he’s become overly attached to me.” I inhaled a shaky breath.
Xander was seven. Every year that passed since my mom’s illness, he’d withdrawn more and more. It was as if he wanted to escape my parents when they offered him nothing but love and comfort.
I hated it.
I hated that I didn’t understand why he felt that way, even though I knew it wasn’t something he chose to feel.
The whole situation made me feel powerless, but being there for him, for my parents, was something I could do. It was something I could control.
“He’ll get through this, Cam,” Jase said. “You all will.”
“It’s just something I have to do.”
“I get it. So does Hailee. Just don’t shut her out, okay? You need her.”
“I know.” Pain laced my words. “I’ll fix it.”
“Good, because I really don’t want to have to drive up to Michigan and kick your ass.” I heard the smirk in his words.
“You think you could take me?”
“I know I could.”
“You wish, asshole.” Laughter rumbled in my chest and it felt good.
I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed.
“How’s stuff with the team?” he asked.
“Coach is going to tear me a new one for missing practice.”
“He’ll understand.”
“You haven’t met Coach Byford.” I hesitated, hardly able to believe the words teetering on the tip of my tongue.
“What?” Jason asked.
“Nothing.” I couldn’t say it. Not to him.
“Shit, Cam,” he breathed. “Tell me you’re not seriously considering quitting the team? In your senior year?”
“I don’t want to.” I didn’t. “But it means I could go home at the weekend and travel back for classes.”
“And what is my sister supposed to do while you’re driving back and forth?”
“Jase, come on...”
“I’m not trying to be a dick, I’m not. But we literally just spent five minutes going over the fact you need to let Hailee in, not push her away.”
“It’s not like that. I just...”
Jase let out an exasperated breath. “You need to figure out your priorities here, Cam. Graduation is in less than seven months. Less than six if you take out the holidays and spring break. It isn’t that long. If you walk from the team, you’ll regret it.”
“But if I don’t, and Xander gets worse...” How could I live with that?
“I wish I had the answer,” he sighed.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Just talk to Hailee. Any decisions you do or don’t make need to be done with her. It’s only fair.”
“I will, I promise.” If she wanted to talk to me anytime soon that was.
“I gotta shoot, Felicity is—”
“Yeah, yeah. Go tend to your girl.” I smiled. Jase was different but he wore it well.
“I’m here, Cam. Always.”
We said goodbye and I hung up. Opening my message history with Hailee, I started typing.
Me: We need to talk.
Hailee
I stared at Cameron’s message, the permanent knot in my stomach tightening.
He wanted to talk.
My mind automatically assumed he wanted to talk about us... and I hated it.
I hated that I was that girl now, insecure and uncertain of her relationship, of her man. But last night, after the gnawing worry, followed by frustration and then a deep sense of disappointment, I’d fallen to sleep clutching my tear-stained pillow.
The vibration of my cell jerked me from my reverie.
Cameron: Hailee, please.
Hailee: Okay.
Cameron: I have practice straight after classes but after? At the apartment?
Hailee: I’ll be there.
Pocketing my phone, I made my way toward the Art and Architecture building for my morning classes. I didn’t know how things had gotten to this point, but I didn’t know how to fix them either.
“Hailee,” Devyn waved as she approached me. “I’m glad I caught up to you.”
I frowned.
“Dominic said Cameron missed practice. Something about an emergency at home? I hope everything’s okay?”
Devyn was a sweetheart. She was Dominic’s twin sister and the two of them were best friends. So much so, they shared an apartment off-campus. She also happened to be a huge football fan, so Cameron and I hung out with them a lot during the season.
“It’s Xander, he’s going through some stuff.”
“That must be rough, the age gap.” She hooked her arm through mine as we headed into the building. “Cameron is a good brother.”
“He is.” I really didn’t want to talk about this.
“You know, I heard my brother and a couple of the guys talking... Crap, this is going to sound so wrong...”
“Just spit it out, Dev,” I said, smothering my irritation.
“They’re worried.” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “He never hangs out with them anymore; he’s distracted at practice... they’re saying his heart’s not in it anymore. There’s even talk of Coach giving the second string more time on the field.”
Her words reverberated through me, but Devyn wasn’t done. “Has he said anything to you? Doesn’t he want to play any—”
“What? No! Cameron loves the team. He’d never walk out on them. He’s just finding it hard to balance everything.”
“That’s what I told Dominic. Cam knows there’s too much on the line this season. Especially since the championship should have been theirs last year.” She let out a little huff.
“Listen, Dev, it was good to see you,” I rushed out, “but I need to use the bathroom before class. Catch you later?”