Nodding, Daddy points to the door. “You heard him.”
Mama looks like she wants to argue but stalks off instead.
Well, okay then.
My eyes ping-pong between Cole and my dad. “Do I have brain damage?”
They exchange a worried glance.
“Do you feel like you do?” Cole asks.
I think about this for a second and decide even if I did, it probably isn’t something I’d be aware of anyway. “No?”
A smile plays on his lips. “I think you’ll be just fine, Bible Thumper.”
I look at my dad. “You gave me CPR.”
His forehead wrinkles. “Of course, I did.”
“I thought you hated me,” I whisper.
I thought everyone hated me.
The pain in his eyes is unmistakable. “Never in a million years, sweetheart.”
My throat prickles as I reach for his hand. “I hate fighting with you. Let’s never do it again, okay?”
Smiling, he gives it a squeeze. “Deal.” Wiping away tears, he stands up. “Is there anything you want? Anything I can get you?”
Water. Lots and lots of water. My mouth feels like the Sahara.
“Am I allowed to have water?”
He juts his head toward the door. “Let me go find out. If so, I’ll bring you the best water I can find, okay?”
“Sounds perfect.”
He’s walking to the door when I halt him. “Daddy?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
It feels like forever since I’ve told him and that is not okay. Especially after what happened.
His eyes become glassy. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
I turn to Cole. “You.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Yeah?”
I lean my forehead against his. “I love you, too.”
A triumphant grin plays on his lips. “I know.”
An awkward silence descends as we both tiptoe around the elephant in the room.
I can’t even imagine how he feels. If Cole kept something like this from me, and then almost died because of it…I’d be utterly devastated.
His pain trumps any embarrassment I feel.
“I’m so sorry.”
Anger tightens his features. “Are you done?”
“Done?”
“Taking pills to lose weight you didn’t need to lose to begin with and lying to me about it?”
Wow…talk about a loaded question.
I mean the obvious answer is yes…I don’t want to die.
But my head space regarding my weight? I don’t know how to answer that. I’m one hot mess right now.
The only thing I can tell him is the truth.
“I almost lost you and everyone else I care about.” I grab his face. “I don’t ever want that to happen again. I’m done taking Adderall.”
Bringing my hand to his mouth, he kisses the inside of my wrist. “Then I accept your apology. But you better believe I’m going to be on your ass about this.” Deep lines of pain form along his forehead and his voice drops to a whisper. “I thought you were going to die, Sawyer.” His hurt is so tangible I feel it blazing right through me. “I thought you gave up on me…on us.”
A deep ache fills my chest. I hate what I put him through.
Choking back emotions that feel like razor blades, I utter, “I promised that would never happen.”
I meant it.
The only thing I remember from my coma was feeling like someone was waiting for me and that I needed to get to them as soon as possible.
That someone was my Colton.
Colton who’s looking at me with so much love it takes my breath away. “I love you, Bible Thumper.”
“I love you,” I tell him again, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from what happened, it’s that you can never tell the people you care about that you love them enough.
You never know what words might be your last.
He goes to kiss me, but I stop him. “I’ve been in a coma for seven days, remember?”
“I don’t give a fuck,” he says before he slams his mouth against mine.
My dad clears his throat. “I got you some water.” He glares daggers at Cole. “One of these days I’m gonna shoot your ass.”
Cole just smiles. “No, you won’t.”
“Hey,” Dylan says as she taps on the door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
She takes a few steps forward, then hesitates, wringing her hands. “I’m really sorry—”
“Dylan.”
She has nothing to apologize for.
Our eyes meet…and then she’s running and we’re wrapping our arms around each other.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I’m so sorry.”
“I love you,” she whispers. “You scared me so much.”
My chest constricts as I hug her tighter. “I love you, too. I’m so sorry.”
She edges away, cupping my face in her hands. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Sawyer.”
Oh, man. I was already teary-eyed, now she’s going to make me cry so hard I’ll have snot coming out of my nose.
“I—”
A knock at the door cuts me off.
“Sorry to interrupt,” some woman says. “But I need to speak with Sawyer privately.”
Uh-oh. This can’t be good.
I’ve been awake for almost two whole days now and I’ve never seen this woman in my life.
Dylan looks between us before her gaze lands on me. “I’ll be right outside, okay?”
I want to tell her not to leave, but this woman doesn’t look like she’d approve.
“Okay.”
She gives my hand a squeeze before she walks off. “Can I get you anything while I’m gone? Juice? Wat—”
“Are you still my best friend?”
Her smile reaches her eyes. “Always.”
I return her smile. “Then I’m good.”
My eyes drift to the woman pulling up a chair beside my bed.
Like me, she has brown hair and brown eyes…only her eyes are harsh.
Like she means business.
Oh, boy.
“Hi.” I gulp. “Who are you?”
“My name is Sandy. I’m one of the psychologists here at the hospital. Your father asked me to come down and speak with you.”
Geez. You’d think he would have mentioned something about that when we talked earlier. “Oh. Why?”
She studies my face. “I specialize in eating disorders.”
I almost fall right out of bed.
“It’s nice to meet you, but I think there’s been a mistake. I don’t have an eating disorder.”
She taps her pen against her pad. “So how did you end up here then?” She cocks her head to the side, assessing me. “Is it because you’re addicted to amphetamines?”
I’ve never been so stumped in my life. I feel like I’m in the hot seat of all hot seats.
“Well, no…not exactly. I was only taking the Adderall, so I wasn’t hungry, and I’d keep losing we…” My voice trails off as the lightbulb goes on. “Shit.”
Her harsh eyes soften a fraction. “Can I ask you a personal question?”