“That’s where the airplanes park.”
“Yes, and we’ll fly home. It’ll be a long flight, and you won’t like it. Your ears will feel weird, and your stomach might get upset. Anika will probably cry. Then we’ll land and drive again. This time from the airport to our house in Playa Cielo. But once we arrive, we’ll never have to leave. You’ll be home.”
I finally submit to the urge to wrap my arms around his waist and lean into his embrace. “I can’t fight or shoot a gun. When bad people attack, I can’t do anything. I just hide.”
“Anika needs you to protect her. If she’s crying or won’t hide, I’ll lose focus. What you do matters. You keep her calm, and that keeps me calm. I shoot better when I don’t worry.”
As his fingers slide down my spine, the dark thoughts fade. Feeling brave, I nuzzle my lips against his chest. His heartbeat feels strong and steady. Kai won’t lose control. He’ll kill the bad people and get us to his magical home far away.
“I love you,” I say, staring up at him. “I’ll learn to be whoever you want me to be. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. I’ll do whatever you want because you make me happy.”
Kai hesitates. It’s like he wants to say one thing but changes his words to something else. “I love you too,” he whispers. “The world feels like madness right now, but it’s only been a few days. Imagine how much will change once we’re home.”
Thanks to Kai, I can imagine escaping the Children of the Black Sun. I even see the beach in my mind again. I hold on to Kai as we return to the room and rest in bed on each side of Anika. As we did last night, we’re comfortable like a family. Kai often reaches over Anika to touch my cheek or lips. He always reminds me that he’s near, and I’m in his thoughts.
Once again, the wickedness in my mind retreats, and I embrace hope.
COBAIN
I don’t trust Neri. A weak woman like Sunny is safe. Of course, I don’t crave her type. I desire a dangerous woman willing to stab me in the heart.
Earlier, Neri didn’t hesitate to shoot through the door at my instruction. Not out of fear or trust. She kills because killing is nothing to her.
My mother raised me to feel similarly about the world. Kill or be killed, steal or be stolen from, destroy or be destroyed. The world was ugly, dangerous, and cold. Love was merely a chemical reaction that forced humans to attach themselves to others. Loving me was a weakness she never forgave herself for. My mother believed her cold heart would protect her. She was wrong.
Neri was raised by a killer, so it means nothing for her to take lives. She reveals no guilt as she fucks me on the couch that once belonged to the people we killed. I admire her coldness, but I’m not foolish enough to trust her.
True, she owns her weaknesses in a way my mother couldn’t. Neri loves her family, and harm to them will crush her. Without a doubt, she’s willing to kill and be killed to prevent their suffering. Her feelings for me won’t factor into the equation if she must choose between Kai’s survival and mine.
I can’t claim the same killer instinct when it comes to Neri. She awoke something long dead inside me. It’s why I can distrust her, yet still welcome her in my arms.
Neri’s lips seek mine, searching for relief to the tension she’s felt since this morning. We fuck to soothe our fears. She’s afraid she’ll never get home. I fear what happens when she’s safe.
I refuse to overthink the future. If I die soon, I want to go out with the feel of Neri on my dick.
Not long after we disentangle our bodies, she smiles at me from her spot stretched out on the couch. Enjoining the leftover sensations from our fuck, I relax in the recliner and keep watch.
I should sleep. The house is quiet. No one is showing up here at four in the morning. But I don’t want to numb myself with sleep.
I’ve felt dead inside for years, maybe even longer than I can remember. Living at the safe house was meant to be temporary. I thought time in the quiet would offer me peace after years of spiraling in a dark, violent world. Leaving Los Angeles was my ticket to a fresh start.
Except I didn’t change. I just disappeared, and the world never noticed. I mattered to no one, and no one mattered to me.
Nilsson and DeMarco could be alive somewhere, having walked away from the safe house. I don’t know their fates with any certainty. I never considered leaving. I just kept getting up and doing the same things. One day, I would die. I thought yesterday was finally the end.
But I keep going. Not out of fear of death. No, I need another day with this woman despite not trusting her or her brother and his new family. I have no doubt they’ll cut me loose as soon as they get to an airport.
Of course, I’m used to being left behind. First by my father. Then by my mother. Next by Priscilla. Then by the men at the safe house. And soon by Neri James.
But when she watches me with her sleepy catlike eyes, I’m completely on board with killing and dying for her.
In my life, I’ve done worse for much less.
≫FOUR SPENT SHELLS≪
KAI
A few hours after dawn, I stir to find Anika staring at me with her big brown eyes. She holds Duck in her arms and Doll in her hand. Her eyes widen when she realizes I’m awake. I smile at her, and she smiles back. There’s trust in her gaze that I haven’t seen before. Children adapt so quickly, especially bright ones like Anika.
Behind her, Sunny still dozes. I hope she’ll wake with a smile on her face. For a few seconds, I get my wish. Then she remembers where we are, and her smile disappears. This place feels wrong, offering less comfort than Cobain’s safe house and the hotel.
Downstairs, I tiptoe by Cobain asleep in a chair. Neri sits in the kitchen, reading and drinking coffee.
“One hour,” she whispers while I round up food and drinks for my girls upstairs.
I don’t understand what Neri means until she pats her head. Giving her a smile, I know it’s too late to free myself from our plan. Besides, I’ll shave my head bald if it’ll help us get to an airport easier.
After breakfast, I return to find Cobain awake, and my sister ready to play beautician in the kitchen.
“This ought to be fun,” the big man grumbles and returns to the living room.
Next to his chair, the dog watches the hallway where the other animal occasionally barks.
While I expect Neri to experience great enjoyment from bleaching my hair, I’m startled by Anika’s reaction. The child watches from the kitchen doorway, curious at first. She doesn’t understand what’s happening or why I take off my shirt. Once Neri molds my bleach-covered hair into a silly shape, the little girl descends into uncontrollable giggles. She literally rolls on the floor with laughter as Neri covers my head with a plastic grocery bag.
“You broke her,” Cobain mutters from his spot in the recliner.
Sunny sits next to her hysterical daughter and giggles behind her hand. Until Anika’s wild laughter, my woman remained overly quiet. First, depressed, and then clearly flustered by the sight of me shirtless. I noticed the shame in Sunny’s eyes when Neri caught her looking at me. She’s seen how much Neri flirts with Cobain. Yet Sunny still believes lust is an emotion that should be hidden.