Neri laughs harder and replies, “No, we’re sending you happy thoughts.”
Cobain says something in Spanish that makes even Kai laugh. He shakes his head and smiles at me.
“He’s just grumpy that he can’t be in our car where it’s fun.”
Anika waves again at Cobain. She just waves and waves until he finally waves back. Then he grumbles, “Leave me alone,” over the radio.
Everyone laughs, even Anika, who doesn’t understand what’s funny. She’s just happy now, having forgotten about the angry dog and the long drive ahead.
I’m relaxed too. Kai helped me focus on positive things. No more thoughts about the Children of the Black Sun attacking Cobain’s safe house. Or the man shot through the door this morning.
And I certainly won’t worry about flying in an airplane or meeting his family in Nicaragua. Those things don’t seem real, and I no longer believe they’ll happen.
Tonight’s drive is something I can control, and I want to make the most of the time we have left.
Everyone in the SUV is in a good mood. Cobain even passes us at one point and lifts his middle finger to Neri. She instantly laughs at his behavior.
For the first hour, we listen to music, and Kai encourages Anika to move to the beat. I know he wants to distract her from the seatbelt. He’s really smart about helping people think about the important stuff.
Before the sun goes down, we play a game where we take turns pointing and naming things outside. Anika doesn’t know the name for a lot of things, but she still points at them, and Kai tells her what they’re called.
Until the sun goes down, our trip feels like a vacation. Then we need to stop at a gas station, and I notice how Kai and Neri grow quieter. Cobain radios that he’ll hold back to keep an eye on the locals’ reaction to us.
Anika wants to sleep because it’s dark. I still carry her inside the store to use the bathroom since we’ll be on the road all night. Using her words, she wants me to understand how she doesn’t want to leave her bag in the Suburban.
“Take bag?” she asks.
“It’ll be safer in the car. We don’t want to lose your toys.”
Anika surprises me by nodding. She used to seem confused about what we needed to do. Of course, we never told her anything at the homestead. I didn’t even know what was happening a lot of the time. Everyone at the homestead just said no and expected us to behave.
Kai remains with the SUV, filling it with gas while Neri guides us to the bathroom. She checks a message from Cobain and frowns.
“We have eyes on us,” she whispers to me. “When we’re back in the car, slide to the floor until we know we’re clear.”
I feel myself panicking at the memory of the shepherds’ attack on Cobain’s safe house. Then I think of Kai. Earlier, I reached into the front seat so I could touch his now blond waves. The smile he gave me was so beautiful and caused heat to rush over my body that I still feel.
Centered again, I hold Anika against me and prepare for our walk to the SUV. I shouldn’t act nervous. I’m a tourist like the ones who stopped by the vegetable stall. They didn’t keep their heads down and weren’t afraid of eye contact.
Neri walks next to me. She stands tall and even smiles at the man at the counter. Tired, Anika hides her face against me. With her short haircut and yellow shirt, she could be a boy. I hope we look like normal people so we can have one more day with Kai before the end comes.
Outside, he wears a ball cap over his blond hair. While he wants to be less noticeable, he’s just so handsome that I can’t imagine anyone might ignore him.
Once Anika and I climb in the back seat, we slide to the floor, where I keep her distracted by practicing our ABCs. She likes the song because she heard Kai sing it, and he makes everything better.
Cobain radios to say he didn’t notice anyone following us when we left. We pull over on the side of the road and wait for him to fill his tank. Once he’s safely behind us again, he warns, “The locals might have signaled someone. Keep your eyes peeled.”
After we drive for a short time, Kai says we can get up. Anika immediately asks, “Bed?”
“Might as well sleep,” Kai says. “The road is quiet. We’re at least a half hour from any towns. If trouble strikes, you can get down. Until then, go ahead and rest.”
His words are so calm that I forget how there’s a bounty on our lives. Feeding off his serene tone, I organize the pillows and blankets, so that I can lean against the door with Anika on top of me. I watch the ocean video long after Anika sleeps. Soon, I feel myself dozing too.
Before I sleep, I reach around the headrest and caress the nape of Kai’s neck. He turns enough to kiss my fingers. I imagine a smile on his perfect face. With my baby in my arms and this wonderful man's breath on my skin, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace.
COBAIN
I didn’t sleep for shit on that recliner. I miss my old beat-up mattress back at my safe house. Robin is also pissed about the change in location. He eventually crawls into the back seat and sleeps.
“Asshole,” I growl once he abandons me.
Neri ought to be in my car. I saw the way the men at the gas station were eyeing her. Perverted freaks. I nearly took my rifle and ended the fucker leering near a blue truck. The men didn’t pay attention to Sunny. Though attractive, she wears baggy, ill-fitting sweatpants and an oversized shirt. Plus, she has the kid. Nothing sexy for the perverts to peep at. Neri, though, wears painted-on faded blue jeans.
Revving the Yukon’s engine, I speed up nearly to the Suburban. I’m ready to get them to pull over and force her into my vehicle.
I take a few deep breaths to regain control. We could be driving into an ambush, but my brain is on Neri’s curvy ass.
An hour of quiet—and solid boredom—in my SUV finally calms me down. My edge returns, and I study every car in front of or behind us. There’s no one following from the gas station. Ahead of us is only the dark highway.
Our destination is four hours away. With five hotels, a Walmart, and plenty of restaurants, the exit is public enough for no one to notice us or launch a full-stage attack. I’m comfortable with the destination for the day, even if we’re taking a long fucking detour to reach it.
After midnight, I radio Kai to warn that we’re approaching an outpost belonging to an especially violent separatist militia. Though such a small group—with only a dozen men and half as many women—aren’t likely to attack, we should still be on alert.
“Neri’s wearing her night vision gear,” he replies.
My dick instantly twitches at the thought of her in those silly goggles. The woman can’t be unsexy.
The last few hours of the drive are tough. Bored and tired, I keep thinking about Neri. A safe memory is her naked under me back at my safe house. It’s tough to doze off when I’m sporting an erection.
Then my head veers into dangerous territory with the image of Neri in a swimsuit on a Nicaraguan beach. Next, I think of her doing normal shit back home like surfing or shopping with her mother. When I picture her in that world, I get edgy. I don’t belong in that life, but I’m unwilling to let her go.
Maybe I’ve felt this way for other women. Did I ever love Priscilla? It’s possible I’ve been alone for so long that I can’t remember feeling such a need for any other woman. Or Neri might be special.