I thought about Lilah living next to me. That first real gut punch of emotion and how losing her right after Delaney set the tone for what I figured was going to be the end of my life. I chose the path. I chose the ending. I just needed to get there.
The path became clearer when Gram got worse with Parkinson’s.
She cried when I had to feed her.
She cried when I showed her my artwork, wanting to make her smile.
I wanted the end to come sooner rather than later.
And that was the moment a girl appeared from nowhere.
A girl who was hurt, scared, feeling alone… a girl with blue eyes, curly hair, and a look that reminded me that my heart was still beating.
That girl was now a woman. And that woman was now in my bed.
My life was once again forever changed because of Amelia.
Chapter 34
The Touch of a Heart
NOW
(Amelia)
I was going to crawl over Josh to make coffee and ready myself to tell him about the letter I found. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wasn't sure I was physically going to be able to crawl over his body without craving what he had given me the night before.
Plus, I was naked.
And my clothes were on the floor, on the other side of Josh.
He was sound asleep on his back, looking like a wild dream.
I gently eased my left leg over him.
I could have crawled down the bed and off… but… you know…
Slowly, I lowered down and felt the bulge under the blankets.
I gasped as quietly as I could and started to move when his hands came to life and he grabbed my hips.
My right hand had been holding the blanket shut around my body like a giant towel.
But when he grabbed me, I put my hand down to the bed and the blanket opened.
So did Josh’s eyes.
I watched as his eyes moved down and back up.
That was followed by the sexiest grin I had ever seen on his face.
Oh… fuck…
His hands crept up and to the front of my body so he could get under the blanket and touch my bare skin. He did so without speaking a word and without blinking. His fingertips against my skin was the greatest good morning I could imagine. Then again, something told me the actual greatest morning was about to happen…
Josh slid the blanket down my body, his hands easing over the curve of my ass. He lifted me up, forcing me to go forward above him, my breasts hanging near his face. My hands were flat against the bed as I took deep breaths, not wanting to look pathetic as I panted with desperation.
His right hand moved to the front of my body again and dipped down below my belly button. As he crested along smooth skin toward freshly wet skin, my hips drove down, wanting his touch. That’s when he retreated with his hand, moving up my body until he cupped my breast. He massaged in a way that sent warm chills from my chest to between my thighs.
I groaned and shut my eyes for a second, realizing what was happening.
The benefit of spending the night with Josh was enjoying the morning with Josh.
I licked my lips and tried not to think about the last time I’d had this in the morning. Admitting how long it had been was kind of sad.
But it was happening now.
With his left hand, Josh forced the covers off the lower half of his body. He touched my hip again and brought me down to his thickness. He was definitely having a good morning and I wanted to make it great.
I gently rocked my hips forward and back against him, feeling my body pulsing, wanting him. I repeated the same motion a handful of times before Josh had both of his hands to my ass again, lifting me and placing himself against my core.
I gasped and readied myself, but there never really was a get ready when it came to Josh.
As he entered me, I relaxed and melted into him.
My elbows began to bend as I lowered down.
His right hand touched the back of my head and pulled at my hair in a loving way as he pulled me down for a sloppy good morning kiss. His left hand spread across my lower back as I began to lift and lower my hips. I stayed just like that too. Kissing Josh with random and messy kisses. My chest rubbing against his. My body rolling like a wave in the ocean cresting to the shore. My hips and sex taking control of his body. My toes curled tightly. My legs working hard and feeling warm and achy as I started to shake with pleasure.
Josh gently touched my face. My hair was a mess and was everywhere. He held me a few inches from his face, enough so our eyes could meet. He began to match my motion, thrusting up with caring force.
There were no words to speak at that moment.
It was just our eyes. Our bodies.
It was the greatest morning of my life.
I collapsed to his chest and we both fell back asleep.
I wasn’t sure how I managed to do that with the way my heart raced.
When my eyes opened for the second time that morning, I bit my bottom lip and slowly lifted my head. Sleeping on Josh’s chest was officially my new favorite spot in the world. My second spot was the corner of his bed. In fact, everything about Josh’s apartment and life was my favorite spot. Quiet. Comforting. Almost hidden, even though it was all in plain view.
This time I managed to get out of the bed without Josh waking up. Although if he had woken up again and we decided to… you know… again, that would have been fine by me. I could have done it all day. Love each other. Sleep. Wake up. Do it again. At some point we would need to eat and drink, which all could be done through our phones by ordering whatever we wanted.
It was actually kind of perfect.
It was exactly what I wanted to do with Josh.
He and I together.
Just sleep and enjoy each other’s bodies.
Or when we actually did decide to wake up, he could sit and work on a new drawing and I could sit in the corner of his bed and write a new story. It left me tingling with excitement as I walked to the kitchen. My agent and I did not part on bad terms. When the book offer fell through, I was the one who decided not to shop my idea anywhere else. I was the one who told Marie I would need a break for a while. That it was just too much at once. She was kind about it. She was honest and stern telling me she could leverage the first offer to get another one. I just didn’t want it.
I made coffee and considered sending Marie an email right there on the spot.
But then something else overtook my thoughts.
Delilah.
The name that had been lingering in my mind and heart for a while now.
Josh had written that letter. All those beautiful and perfect words he had written for someone named Delilah. The letter I had been carrying around and reading… the letter that sparked my desire to write again…
It was because of Josh.
I snuck back to the bed and got the letter out of my bag.
I had to tell him about it.
I wasn’t sure if the letter meant anything to him or not. But it must have meant something to write it. Those words were real. Raw. And the fact that he must have been carrying it around with him the night of his gallery…
My hands shook as I opened the letter.
I spread the pages across the counter Josh had sat me on to kiss me.
I had most of it memorized.
… nobody can know or understand the truth, Delilah. That’s the loneliest part of it all. Sitting in an empty room. Nothing on the walls. Nothing on the floors. Just a chair. And it’s me in that chair, sitting, thinking, the world around me moving. Anyone who sees me sees the nothing in the room. But inside my thoughts there’s a world. And that world is you. You are the world. The light. The life. The purpose and the reason. I don’t like to think about fairness, Delilah. To think and act upon what’s fair or not hurts myself, but it really isn’t all that fair, is it? Because you’re gone and there’s no taking that back. I can scream my love for you into the night, into my dreams, and you will never hear it. You will never understand it. The chance came and went. Just like you.