If I had just one-
I looked up from the letter and watched Josh as he slept.
I bit at my thumbnail as my heart pounded hard.
I had fallen for Josh a long time ago. But that was just some young love crush. That was me feeling a certain way about a boy. Feelings I wasn’t exactly sure of or why my body felt the way it did.
Now it was different.
I knew the feeling and knew how to identify it.
It was love.
I loved Josh.
Right now. I loved him.
But he obviously loved someone else.
He loved Delilah.
It didn’t matter when he wrote this letter for her either. This was too real to just write and forget about. Not to mention he had been carrying the letter with him. It meant something to him. Delilah meant something to him.
I didn’t like to feel jealous or hurt.
But what did I mean to him?
Josh sat up in bed and looked like a sleepy dream. His messy hair and scruff on his face, matched with him being totally naked was enough to make my knees bend a little as I reached for the counter, so I didn’t look foolish and collapse to the floor.
He ran a hand through his hair and reached for his jeans.
He stepped into them, giving me one last look at everything before he set his sights on me. The first thing he did was smile. That smile made me ache all over again.
“Morning, love,” he said in a sleepy voice.
“I made coffee,” I said.
“I can smell it,” he said. “How long have you been awake?”
“A little bit. Just thinking about some stuff.”
“Like what?”
“You know… stuff.”
Josh shuffled toward the kitchen.
I went to the end of the counter and met him.
He wasted no time in touching my face and kissing me. He kissed like a man should kiss a woman. Deep and passionate, his morning breath mixing with my coffee breath. The way he kissed reminded me of what his mouth was also capable of.
The kiss could have led to much more.
Josh broke the kiss and growled. “You’re dangerous, Amelia.”
“Am I?”
“Really dangerous,” he whispered.
“Then do something about it,” I teased.
“You already used that line on me. Try again.”
I laughed. “So, I have to use lines on you?”
“No,” he said as he stroked my cheek. “Just looking at you ruins me.”
“I’ll take that as a romantic thing.”
“You should.” Josh kissed my cheek. “What’s that?”
I turned my head and saw the letter. “Oh. That. I need to talk to you about-”
“Wait a second,” Josh said.
He moved with speed.
He stood and stared down at the letter as though it were fire. He looked hesitant to touch it.
Then he looked at me. “Where did you find this?”
I swallowed hard. “You wrote that, right?”
I wasn’t sure what the moment should have been like.
But Josh’s lip curled in anger. And with a fiery hatred, he said a different kind of four words than I expected to hear.
“You need to leave.”
Chapter 35
A Drink to Remember
NOW
(Josh)
Amelia had the letter.
The words didn’t seem possible as they registered in my head.
How the hell did this happen?
My letter to Delilah was right there on the counter. Almost in the same spot where I had written it. The night I came home and drank enough whiskey to feel nothing, then stood there and poured my heart out into a letter. A letter that was supposed to make it so I could let it all go.
Only there was no letting it go.
That was the problem with the letter.
The letter gave it proof.
Proof of how I felt.
Proof of all that had been happening in the heart that I had kept hidden and tucked away tight.
The worst thing that could have happened was someone finding the letter and reading it. Worse yet, Amelia had found the letter and read it.
“Josh, please,” she whispered. “I don’t know what that is…”
“You know exactly what it is,” I said. “My letter.”
“I didn’t know it was your letter until last night.”
“Last night?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“What you said to me. Right before we…”
“Fucked each other,” I said.
“Yeah.” She swallowed hard. “You said words to me that were in the letter.”
I touched my jaw.
I had quoted the damn letter while with Amelia.
Rage boiled deep inside me. The kind of rage I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
I put my hand to the letter and felt the emotion sweep over me.
“Amelia, you have to go,” I said. “You have to fucking leave right now.”
“I’m not leaving,” she said. “Please tell me what this is. This letter has changed my life.”
“What?”
“Josh, I found this letter the night I came to interview you. It was outside in an alley. From the second I read it-”
“I was drunk,” I said. “I dropped it. It fell out of my pocket. It was never supposed to be seen by anyone.”
“But I saw it,” Amelia said. “Just me. I never showed it to anyone. Okay? I’ve read it a hundred times. I have it memorized. Josh, who is she? Who is Delilah?”
“Don’t ever say her name,” I growled. My hand curled around the letter and I picked up the pages and shook them. “Don’t… ever…”
“Josh,” Amelia said. “Please. It’s me. It’s us. We’re alone together. We’re older now. We don’t have to hide anything. I love you, Josh. I’m in love with you. Back then I fell for you in a different way. But right now…”
“I said to leave,” I said. “I don’t want you here anymore. You’ve done nothing but try to pry into my life. All for an interview or some fucking story. And that’s what this is to you.” I shook my hand again. “This is a story. Right? You want to read this and make up an ending and write something and get rich and famous.”
“No,” she said. “Not even close.”
“Tell me what this means to you then,” I said.
“You love her,” Amelia whispered. “You love Delilah. You love her like I’ve never seen someone love someone else. You love her so much that it makes me jealous. Because I want you to love me like that. I’ve never read anything like this letter in my life. It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever read.”
I stood in silence as I stared at her.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
I slowly shook my head. “Leave.”
“No.”
“This is my apartment. I said to leave.”
“Tell me who she is. Where is she now? What happened? I’m here, Josh. I don’t want to be anywhere else but here.”
“It’s too late,” I said. “For you. And for everybody else.”