Instead of pain it was a choking feeling. A hot feeling down my throat and right back up. The smoke tickling and scratching at me.
I started to cough just like Margaret did.
She laughed at me as I handed her the cigarette back.
The back door opened, and Donna’s voice yelled for us.
“Oh, crap!” Margaret whispered in a loud voice.
She dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. She hurried to kick it into the garden. She shut the wooden garden box.
“Coming!” she called back to her mother.
The door shut and we both looked at each other.
We burst into laughter.
Then we jumped into each other’s arms, still laughing.
Dr. Bill paced the kitchen with a serious look on his face.
Margaret and I sat next to each other.
Donna sat across from us.
My heart raced like it never had before.
They knew we had been smoking.
That’s what this was.
They somehow knew.
I wasn’t sure what my parents would do. My father would use it as a reason to get angry. I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell Donna and Dr. Bill about my father. Margaret knew about him, but she was sworn to secrecy.
Margaret sprayed me with honey lavender body spray and swore it would cover up the smell of smoke.
“We need to talk to you both,” Donna said.
“About what?” Margaret asked.
“We were trying to find the right time to do this,” Dr. Bill said. He stopped walking. “And, Amelia, you really are a part of this family. So, I wanted you to be here.”
I looked at Margaret.
Maybe this wasn’t about us smoking?
“Margaret, this is the only house you’ve ever known,” Donna said. “We brought you home from the hospital right through that back door into the kitchen. Your first steps were in the hallway to the den. We used to have the biggest Christmas tree possible in the front window. We’ve had so many good memories in this house.”
Dr. Bill stepped up to his wife and touched her shoulders.
He swallowed hard.
“What are you talking about?” Margaret asked.
“There are some changes being made at the hospital,” Dr. Bill said. “Do you remember when I had to fly out to Arizona twice?”
“Yes,” Margaret said.
“Well, that was for work. It was for an interview. Do you know what that is?”
Margaret shrugged her shoulders.
My heart stopped beating and sank. “It’s for a job.”
“That’s right,” Dr. Bill said. “I was lucky enough to interview for a really important position at a different hospital.”
“In Arizona?” Margaret asked.
“It’ll be a change,” Donna said. “For all of us.”
My hands started to sweat and shake. “You’re moving to Arizona…”
Dr. Bill slowly nodded.
“What?” Margaret asked. “Who is? Dad? You’re leaving?”
“No, Maggie Girl,” Dr. Bill said. “We all are.”
“Amelia too?” she asked.
Donna lowered her head.
“No,” he said. “I wish we could.”
You can! Just say the word! I don’t have anything to pack! I don’t take up any space at all! I’ll confess to smoking! I’ll apologize! Take me with you! I bet if you ask my father he won’t care! Please, Dr. Bill, don't leave me…
My bottom lip quivered.
“This is so hard,” Donna said.
“We’re going to keep the house here for a little bit,” Dr. Bill said. “Just to make sure things work out there. We’re going to rent it out. I already have someone lined up to live here.”
“Then what?” Margaret asked.
“Well, it’s simple,” Dr. Bill said. “If things work out there, then we sell this house and buy something there.”
“Where are we going to live out there?” Margaret asked.
“We’re going to rent a house,” Donna said.
“What about Amelia?”
Donna looked at me. “She can come visit anytime.”
I forced a smile.
My parents had no money.
They couldn’t afford to put gas in both vehicles.
“We’ll pay for her to travel,” Dr. Bill said.
Under the table, Margaret reached for my hand.
Donna cleared her throat and secretly wiped away a tear.
She didn’t like this.
Neither did I.
Nobody did.
So why was it happening?
Why are they letting this happen?
“I know you’re wondering why this is happening,” Dr. Bill said. “And that it’s unfair. That it’s bullshit.”
“Bill!” Donna snapped.
“Sorry,” he said. “But it’s true. They’re best friends. And distance sucks. But you two can make this work. I will fly Amelia out anytime she needs to come out. We will make sure everyone stays close.”
“And the job might not even work out,” Margaret said.
“Right,” Dr. Bill said.
He smiled, but I knew that smile.
It was a lying smile.
This job was going to work out.
They were moving to Arizona.
And I was never going to see Margaret again.
Now I just needed to lie to her, so she didn’t feel the way I did knowing the truth.
I walked up the porch steps and wiped the tears off my face.
I lied to Donna and said my mother was outside to pick me up. Which meant I walked the three miles from Margaret’s house to mine. From the big and fancy houses on the hill all the way down to the crooked and beaten up houses near the river. The streets were dark, and they were scary, but I didn’t really care.
Margaret was leaving for Arizona over the weekend.
They were flying out as a family to spend a few days there. Dr. Bill wanted his family to meet the staff of the hospital, see the new house and check out some sights. He wanted Margaret to feel comfortable. He even arranged for her to meet her new teachers at the private school she would be attending.
Private school.
That meant Margaret would be with other rich kids like herself.
I’d become an afterthought in no time.
And that was okay.
Margaret deserved to have really good friends. Friends that had money too so they could do fun things together. I hated that Donna and Dr. Bill had to pay for everything with me. My parents never did a thing for Margaret.
I hated my parents.
I hated everything.
When I got to the porch, I heard yelling.
‘Don’t you fucking talk to me like that!’
‘This is my goddamn house. I don’t see you doing anything but getting fat!’
‘How dare you…’
Then came slamming.
Thuds against the walls. Glass hitting the floor.
I was frozen, unsure of what hell waited for me.
When the front door opened and my father came barreling out, I didn’t move in time.
He crashed into me and sent me down to my butt.
He stepped over me and stared down at me with a rage in his eyes that made me numb.
“What did you do?” I asked him.
“What needed to be done,” my father said. “Speak out of line again and I’ll do the same to you.”