So we head to the pub in the village and, when we walk in, no heads turn in our direction. We sit in the middle of the bar without having to hide in a corner. The pub is bustling as there are a few groups who are having Christmas parties. A bunch of boisterous women sit with their paper hats on and there’s much chatter and laughter. To add to the atmosphere, there’s a fire roaring in the grate and the beams are strung with swags of red and gold tinsel. A bushy, real tree stands proudly in the corner by the bar, but its pine scent is hidden by the smell of roast dinners. We’re shown to a table and we both order a soft drink and a veggie curry.
I look round and no one is taking the slightest bit of notice of us. It’s nice being out with someone ‘ordinary’ like Matt. There’s no drama, no people trying to take a sneaky selfie, no one talking behind their hands as we pass. I can relax and be myself. It’s hard to acknowledge that it will never be like this with Shelby. When we’re out together, there’s always part of me that’s on edge. I glance at my watch. He’ll be about to go on stage now in front of an adoring audience and here I am having a rare night out in a low-key country pub. Our worlds could not be more different.
‘You look lost in thought,’ Matt says.
‘Sorry.’ That pulls me back from my musing. ‘Because Shelby’s a celebrity – whatever that is – he always feels as if he’s on duty. We can never be ourselves when we’re out and consequently, tend to avoid it.’
‘That’s a shame.’
‘Yes, I hadn’t realised how much. I’m not a great socialiser, as you might have gathered. My life is my farm – the animals and the kids.’
‘It’s all-consuming. I get that. But very rewarding.’
‘Yes. Most days,’ I say. ‘Today wasn’t necessarily one of them. Thanks for turning up at the right moment.’
Matt smiles. ‘You did look like you were drowning and not just because you were sitting slap-bang in the middle of a puddle.’
I put my face in my hands. ‘I can’t believe what a state I must have looked.’
‘But you look lovely now,’ he says and then we’re both a bit embarrassed.
The curry comes to our rescue and it’s homemade, creamy and soothing. We concentrate on eating.
‘Is the open day the first fundraising you’ve done?’
‘Shelby hosted an event at his home for us,’ I say. ‘But we’ve never done anything like this before at the farm. We’ll have to, though. It’s a constant struggle to make ends meet,’ I tell him. ‘We rely heavily on Shelby and that isn’t right.’ Or where I want to be. ‘I need to work on finding a wider raft of support.’
‘I can help with applying for grants. Sometimes they don’t make the criteria easy to understand, but that’s part of my job. I’m well-versed in officialdom-speak.’
‘I would appreciate it.’
‘Consider it done.’
‘I don’t want to get too personal, if you’re not comfortable,’ Matt says, ‘But have you and Shelby been together long?’
‘No. Only since the summer. We met when he brought Lucas to the farm as a student.’
‘You seem very close to him.’
‘I love Lucas to bits. I couldn’t care for him more if he was my real son.’
‘Shelby is a very lucky man. Taking on step-kids can’t be easy.’
‘Lucas has been through a lot. He can be tricky, but I’m very forgiving. Perhaps too much.’ I think of how he can twist me round his little finger and how I don’t mind it one bit.
‘He’s a great kid. I like someone with a bit of spark. He’s bright, too.’
‘It’s nice that you’re taking time to talk with him. He needs a male role model. He and his father have a rather strained relationship.’
‘I’m sorry to hear it. I would have loved a lad like Lucas. One of the reasons my last relationship split was that I wanted to settle down and have children. She was happy climbing the corporate ladder.’ Matt shrugs. ‘That’s why I thought I could get involved with Hope Farm. I’d like to help mentor some of the kids. My way of giving back.’
‘I’m sure we could organise that. It sounds like a brilliant idea.’
‘You’ve never wanted your own children?’
‘I’ve not been lucky enough to have a long-term relationship. Before Shelby, I’d not been in love. I never let myself think about having children. I simply assumed that it’s something that wasn’t to be for me.’
‘You’d make a great mum.’
I like to think that it’s the glow of the fire that’s making my face red, but it’s more to do with the intimacy of our conversation.
‘Sorry,’ Matt says. ‘I didn’t mean to embarrass you.’
‘That’s OK,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve spent years having conversations mainly with dogs. Other than with Bev, I don’t really do much mingling. I’ve always been a bit of a loner.’
‘Then I’m even more honoured that you agreed to have dinner with me.’
Before I can answer my phone rings and it’s Bev’s number on the call display. I wonder why she’s calling me now?
‘Hey,’ I say. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Come quickly.’ She sounds in a terrible panic. ‘I need you.’
Chapter Forty-Four
It’s Alan. He’s has suffered a transient ischaemic attack, a TIA, a ‘mini’ stroke and Bev, understandably, is out of her mind with worry. Matt and I abandon our dinner, jump into his car and head straight to the hospital. I phone Lucas on the way, explain what’s happened and ask if he can return to the farm as I have no idea how long I’ll be. I don’t mind leaving the animals alone for an hour or two, but that’s all. He agrees that he’ll go home straightaway, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about.
My friend is in a waiting room by the ward when we arrive, breathless and worried. Her face is pale and she looks as if she needs to be in a hospital bed herself. We hug each other.
‘Thanks for coming,’ she says.
‘Is he OK?’
‘Yeah. I think so. The doctor’s with him now, so I had to come out.’
‘What happened?’
‘He said he was making his dinner when he went numb all down one side. It lasted for about ten minutes and he thought it was something and nothing. Then it happened again about nine o’clock and for longer. Then he phoned 111. They sent an ambulance right away and he called me. I jumped in my car and arrived at the hospital at same time as him. I was all of a dither.’ Bev bursts into tears. ‘I’m so frightened. I don’t want anything to happen to him.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be fine,’ I say when I’m not really sure at all. ‘Alan’s as strong as an ox.’
‘Hopefully, he’ll know more when the doctor’s talked to him.’ She sniffs away her tears and I rub her back.
‘Shall I find us all some tea?’ Matt offers, reverting to the British answer to everything, especially a crisis.