Only the day before, Nathanial had received her letter. Her words had come as a shock to him. They had also proven a much needed distraction. A distraction he had run toward like a coward. He had not even taken the time to bid Charlaine farewell, to explain, to apologize. He had slunk away in the night, unable to meet her gaze after what had happened.
An image of her dark, soulful eyes rose in his mind, but he shoved it away the moment it surfaced for it brought with it shame and regret. Never would she forgive him.
Never.
Stepping out onto the terrace, Nathanial wondered at the slight chill in the air. Autumn was fast approaching, however, the days had been warm thus far. Perhaps too warm this late in the year. Now, it seemed the weather was changing. The sun seemed to shine with less strength, its warmth a mere imitation of what it had been only the day before. The world seemed colder, less vibrant, less beautiful as though it, too, had suffered a loss and now lay in mourning.
Hesitant strides carried him across the terrace and out into the gardens of Pembroke Hall. Not long ago, Zach and Becca had celebrated their marriage here. It had been a happy day for them, and for Nathanial it had been one most fortunate. He had not known it then, but it had been the day that had changed his life.
It had been the day Charlaine had promised to be his friend.
Nathanial still remembered his distrust when she had approached him. He had been rude, barely speaking to her. He had wanted her to leave him alone. He had not wanted her company. I’m not interested, he had snapped.
And she had laughed.
She had not been impressed by his rude demeanor.
She had not taken affront.
She had not walked away.
Indeed, Charlaine had known the truth even then. She had seen that he had been in dire need of a friend, and she had promised to be that friend for him. He had not wanted her to, but she had not been deterred.
She had been his friend all these months…
…and now he had lost her.
“Nathanial.”
Jerking around, Nathanial stilled. His heartbeat. His breathing. His mind. Everything stopped as he stared at the woman standing by the rosebushes and, for a short second, Nathanial saw Charlaine. He saw her dark eyes, always daring him, always teasing him, her luscious, black hair dancing in the breeze, her warm smile, knowing and patient.
And in that moment, his heart rejoiced.
Then he blinked and found himself looking not at Charlaine, but at Abigail.
After almost a year, she stood before him once again, only a few paces away. Her golden hair shimmered even in the dimming light of a gray afternoon, a loose tendril twirling in the breeze. Her blue eyes looked at him as they always had, stirring memories of days long ago, and the soft curl of her lips reminded him of the plans they had made, the future they had longed for.
Only she hadn’t, had she?
“Abigail.” His voice sounded strained, his throat dry as though he had not spoken in years, his vocal cords no longer able to comply with ease. The moment seemed surreal as though he were merely imagining it. Was she truly here?
“I wondered if you would come,” she said then, her voice tentative, quite unlike the exuberant young woman he had known all his life. Her gaze dropped to the ground, the fingers of her right hand playing with the hem of her left sleeve. Then she inhaled a deep breath, and her gaze rose to meet his yet again. Her shoulders drew back, and her fingers released their pinched grip upon her sleeve. She lifted her chin and then moved toward him.
Nathanial tensed. “Why are you here?” he snapped, almost cringing when his callous words reminded him of the first time he had spoken to Charlaine.
Abigail swallowed. Her feet, however, did not still until she had reached his side. “I came to explain,” she told him, sorrow in those blue eyes, “to apologize, to…” A tentative smile teased her lips. “To see you again.” Her mouth opened and closed, a sudden longing in her gaze that stole Nathanial’s breath. “I missed you,” she finally said. “Nathanial, I missed you so much. I had to see you. I hope you’re not angry with me for coming.”
Overwhelmed, Nathanial stared at her, his thoughts sluggish somehow as he tried to make sense of what she had said. No, he wasn’t angry. Not truly. He felt…stunned, caught off guard, shaken, dazed, dumbfounded; any of these words would do. Oddly enough, though, Nathanial felt no anger. He had once. He knew he had. But looking at her right here, right now, he could not say that he did. What he felt was perhaps a mild echo of what had once burned in his chest. “Does your father know you’re here?” Nathanial asked, relieved that his mind was able to conjure at least a halfway reasonable question.
Her face fell. “He wants me to marry,” she replied, and her gaze dropped to her sleeve again, her fingers reaching for the soft fabric. “He is still angry with me for what I did.” She glanced up at him through lowered lashes. “Every day, I can see it in the way he looks at me.”
Nathanial felt that muscle in his jaw twitch. “Did he send you?” he demanded, remembering well how her father had pleaded with him to proceed with their intended nuptials.
Abigail’s eyes widened, and she shook her head vehemently. “No, he didn’t. I promise. You must believe me.” Tension stood on her face, her lower lip trembling as she looked at him.
Nathanial sighed. “Very well. Then why are you here?” He turned from her, arms linked behind his back, and continued down the gravel path.
Catching up, Abigail fell into step beside him. “My life has changed ever since…” Her voice trailed off, her head bowed as they walked side by side. “It gave me time to think, to look at my life, my choices, and it made me realize that…” She stopped and her hand touched his arm, making him jerk to a halt. “My choices have never truly been my own,” she whispered, her voice choked as she looked up at him. “I think…what I did I did because I needed to break free. I needed to take a stand. I needed my father to know that this was my life, not his to do with as he pleased.”
Unable to look at her, Nathanial gritted his teeth. “You lied,” he hissed, shrugging off her hand. “You never cared for me, and yet, you accepted my proposal.” His gaze dropped to hers, and he took a sudden step toward her. “You lied!”
Staring up at him, Abigail swallowed hard. “I did care for you,” she said on a shuddering breath. “I do. I still do. I—”
Unwilling to listen to her lies, Nathanial turned away, quick strides carrying him away from her.
“Wait!” Abigail called, her small footsteps churning on the gravel as she rushed after him. Her hand grasped his arm and, again, Nathanial thought of Charlaine as she had come after him at the lake. “Please, listen to me, Nathanial.” Abigail’s eyes were wide as they looked up into his pleadingly. “You need to know the truth.”
“I do,” he gritted out. “Your words just now confirmed that which your actions have already revealed.”
Her hand gripped his arm, her head shaking from side to side. “No, you don’t. You don’t know anything. You don’t know why I did what I did. It took me a year to realize it myself, to understand the desperate need that fueled me when I…”
“When you betrayed me!” Nathanial barked, his anger finally resurfacing. It boiled in his blood and settled in his chest, a crushing weight, a dull ache, a suffocating pain, startling and almost foreign for he had not felt it in weeks.