Trashing the rest of the melted treats, we leave for her dance studio.
“Thank you,” she says next to me as we drive. “For caring,” she adds.
“I don’t know how to do anything less with you.” The truth lifts out of me and fills the small space of the car.
Chancing a glance at her, I smile and put my hand on her leg, giving it a light squeeze. Her small hand covers mine. We drive like that in silence for a few minutes until she slowly slides closer to me, her arm wrapping around my arm to hug it and lean against my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head as I keep driving us.
In the small space of my car, we’re locked away from everyone else. Their judgements, their accusations, their jealousy. It’s just us. Two kids who feel left alone more than we should in this unfair world.
Putting my car in park, I kiss her head again as we sit there unmoved for a minute.
“Will you be here to take me home after?” she asks, looking up at me, pleading in her eyes.
“Doesn’t your mom usually pick you up?”
“They left yesterday. Won’t be back for a few days,” she says, snuggling into me again.
Shifting to turn her face up to me, I tell her, “I’ll stay if you promise to keep that ice cream in your stomach.” My eyes stay on hers, waiting for her to agree.
She swallows nervously, and she’s probably a little mad that I caught her before she could make herself sick. “Okay,” she says quietly. Nodding, pleased with her answer, I kiss her forehead before telling her to go.
Reluctantly, she goes into her dance studio. I don’t miss the way she sways her hips as she walks, making her pleated uniform skirt move from side to side as it barely covers her ass.
Shifting in my seat, I adjust myself as my head falls back. Scrubbing my hands down my face, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
My eyes pop out of my head when I see Ruby walk out a few hours later. Wearing no more than a bra and underwear over tights, I groan when she bounds over to get in the car. She looks so young and yet older than she is all at once with the smile on her face as she jumps in the passenger seat.
“Did you not bring clothes to put on?” Her smile falls as she looks down at what she has on, and I feel like a moron and a dick considering the progress I made with her earlier. I close my eyes as I apologize. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, Tink.”
Crossing her arms around her middle, she mumbles, “How else is there to mean it?”
Pulling her arm closest to me away from her stomach, I get her to look up at me through those blue eyes that hold me captive. “You’re beautiful,” I tell her simply.
Her lips twitch. “Thank you.”
“Don’t act shy now.” My own teasing smile grows as my eyes scan her from head to toe sitting next to me and filling my car with her sweet scent of sweat, vanilla and flowers.
“Now you are making me feel self-conscious for another reason,” she mumbles before trapping those lips and showing me her dimples again.
Running my finger along her cheek, stopping at her dimple, I tell her, “You should never be shy or self-conscious with me.”
She rolls her eyes, turning her head away. “Right.”
Starting the car, I ask, “What’s that about?”
“Do you not know who you are? I know the harem of women you keep. Hell, you gave me a private show. I’m just a girl you feel obligated to look out for. I’m not a fool, Sonny.”
Abruptly, I stop the car on the other end of the parking lot and turn to look at her. “I don’t care about any of them. I only care about you.”
Her eyes go big for a second before she masks her surprise. “Yeah, like an annoying little sister.”
I huff out a laugh. “Pretty sick if that were true. My thoughts are definitely not brotherly.”
“What kind of thoughts do you have?”
We stare, passing so much between us in this moment. “Tink…” I beg her to not push. I’m hardly hanging on as it is.
Rolling her eyes, she turns back to face forward. “I should get home.”
Resigned that this is for the best, I don’t say anything more. I drive her home, and once there, she jumps out before I can stop her. I watch her go inside and shut the door.
I hate that I probably hurt her, but I also can’t do anything more. Not yet.
Our time is coming, but it’s not now.
5
Ruby
That stupid sonofabitch!
He drew me in only to push me away again. I can’t believe I let him in the way I did today.
Frustrated with Sonny and how the day ended, I take it out on my brother. Or his bedroom door really, punching it open as I walk by on my way to the bathroom.
“Fucking psyco!” he yells down the hall before slamming his door closed again. He’s not wrong. At least not this time.
Kneeling in front of the toilet, I barely get the lid up before I’m shoving two fingers down my throat. I might have promised Sonny I wouldn’t do it, but I don’t care. Right now, I need to feel in control of my life again, and this is the only way I know how.
What started as a way to stay the weight and size my dance teacher and mother told me I needed to be turned into the only way I could feel in control of my life and what goes on around me. Everything started to spin out of control after Harry’s accident, and this helped me feel grounded and in control.
Gagging, I feel tears spill down my cheeks. Tears that tell me what a traitor I am to the person who seemed to care about me for a minute. Wiping my hands down my face, I lean over the bowl and try again.
I’m just beginning to feel the bile rise in my throat when someone grabs my arm, pulling my fingers from my throat. Arms wrap around me, pulling me toward them and away from the toilet.
I know that the someone is Sonny, but I’m not ready to admit it yet.
Instead, I cry.
Turning, I shove my face into his chest and cry. He rubs a hand up and down my back, the feeling warm and soothing.
When my cries begin to calm, he whispers in my ear, “You promised me.”
Picking my head up, I look at him. I see the storm brewing in his grey eyes and wish I could be in that storm with him.
Smoothing my hair away from my face, he leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead, which has become my favorite thing.
“I needed to feel… in control,” I admit.
“You are in control. Much more than you think.” He smiles.
“The fuck are you doing here?” Harry asks, his voice booming in the bathroom around us. “Why are you touching my sister again? I told you to stay the fuck away from her.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Sonny gives me a small shake of his head to let me know not to say anything. Gently, he helps me stand with him before he faces my brother.
“I’m doing what you should be,” Sonny starts. “While you’re too busy drowning in self-pity, I’m the one looking out for her. I’m here. I care.”
Harry scoffs in disgust, “Yeah, I bet you do.”
Sonny shakes his head. “You stupid sonofabitch. You don’t get it, do you? Your sister is—”
“Sonny!” I yell his name to stop him. My family has enough going on. They don’t need my problems added to it.