“What the fuck?” he shouted. The side doors flew open. Relief flooded my veins when in saw Asher, bag in hand, breathless from chasing the van. His eyes were wary. His cheeks were flushed. But he climbed into the van, silently and sat behind Flame and me.
“Little fucking Ash!” Viking declared and shook his head. “Leave the amateur dramatics to me in the future, yeah? I’m the motherfucking prima donna in this group.”
“You can say that again,” AK confirmed, smirking at Viking. AK turned back to us. “We fucking ready now?”
I nodded, trying to hide the smile on my lips. Asher had come. He had come with us… I looked over my shoulder and held out my free hand. Asher’s jaw clenched. He eventually reached out and held my hand. Thank you, I mouthed. Asher nodded once, then withdrew his hand.
As I settled my head back onto Flame’s shoulder, he exhaled a long breath, muscles losing their tension. I kissed his bicep. Flame was relieved. Asher was here, and Flame was happy about it. “I love you,” I whispered, as the van took us out of the compound, and toward Ruth’s home. We were up and running. We were going back to a place I believed we would never return. For closure… to shut the final door… to find peace… to find much-needed peace.
*****
“So, Ruth, how long have you been a doula?” Viking asked Sister Ruth. We had been on the road for hours. Flame still gazed out of the window. He had not yet found sleep, but he had not become restless. He was still numb.
“I trained formally when we left The Order. But I was the midwife in our compound in Puerto Rico.”
“You like it?” Viking asked. He leaned over the chair he sat in. His chin rested on his folded arms. He had barely taken his eyes off Ruth since she got in the van. He had barely drawn breath in asking her lots of questions.
“I loved it,” Ruth replied. She was dressed in jeans and a blue shirt. Her long dark hair fell in waves down her back. She was beautiful. And I believed Viking thought so too.
Viking nodded. “It’s funny, you and I have a lot in common.”
“We do?” Ruth asked, confusion lacing her voice.
“Yeah,” Viking confirmed, nodding. “You’ve seen a lot of pussies up close, so have I.” The van became silent.
“Is that so?” Ruth finally managed to say. Tension built in her shoulders at Viking’s crass comparison.
“Yeah,” He shrugged. “Of course, I’ve licked more cunts than I’ve seen. You know, sometimes it is fucking dark in the compound when I’ve got a leg tossed over my shoulder and I’m deep in the magic ‘V’. But over the years I’ve become a real fucking good pussy connoisseur.” I glanced to Ruth. Her cheeks were bright red and her brown eyes were saucer wide. “So,” Viking continued, roving his eyes over Ruth. “You ever need your pussy licked, you know where to come. Just putting the offer out there.”
“Shut the fuck up, Vike!” AK said, exasperated.
“What?” Viking asked, arms wide. “Can’t a brother offer his services without getting shit for it. I’m good at licking pussy, is that a fucking crime? We all have our fucking talents. You can shoot from miles away, Flame can kill with one blade, and I can make a bitch cream in two point five seconds. All talents are fucking valid, AK. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Viking turned back to Ruth. “You know where to find me, Ruthie girl.”
“Okay,” she said and frowned. “Thank you… I think?”
“You’re fucking welcome.” Viking nudged AK when he faced forward again. “See? Some people appreciate my giving nature, unlike you, you moody fucker.”
“I’m pulling in to this motel,” AK said, the van turning right. I stretched my back.
“Are you okay, Maddie?” Ruth asked.
I nodded. “My back is aching, but I am okay.” Flame took tighter hold of my hand. I faced him, rubbing his arm. “I am okay.” His eyes finally met mine, the first time he had torn his gaze from the window all journey.
“Ruth,” Viking said, wincing. “I got something that aches too. Wanna take a look for me?” Ruth innocently went to open her mouth to respond, when
AK grabbed Viking by the collar of his cut and dragged him from the van. “We’ll get the rooms.”
AK and Viking went to the small reception. It was dark and late. We had planned to do most of the driving today. Ruth stepped out of the van leaving Asher, Flame and I alone. “If we leave early in the morning, then we will be in West Virginia at a good time,” I said. Flame grew still at the mention of West Virginia. I glanced back to Asher. He was staring out of the open van doors at the dark night sky. “Is that okay, Asher?” He fidgeted on the seat. Asher nodded his approval, then reached for his bag and jumped out of the van. I inhaled.
Am I even doing the right thing?
AK and Viking approached. AK threw a key at Asher. He darted across the car lot and disappeared into a room. He seemed in a hurry to get away from us. It was probably all too much for him. He probably needed time alone. We were taking him back to a place filled with painful memories. He would breathe in the familiar air of pain and sadness. Walk on soil tarnished by blood and abuse.
“Let us go to our room,” I said to Flame. He followed me out of the van.
“There’s a diner around back,” AK said. “You coming with us to get food?”
Flame tensed at AK’s question and began leading me away from his friends toward our room. AK saw this, his shoulders sank in disappointment. “We’ll bring you some back. Y’all have to eat.”
“Thank you,” I said. I took the key from AK’s outstretched hand. I led Flame to our room. As soon as we entered, he pulled me to the bed and lay down. I lay down beside him. Flame’s face was pale with lack of sleep. I pressed my hand to his cheek. “Sleep, baby, tomorrow will be here soon.”
Flame blinked. “I… I don’t. My head…” He tapped his temple. “It hurts.”
“I know,” I said and kissed the center of his forehead. It was his trepidation and fear. I knew it was. Going back to his home, to the place that was the genesis of all his pain, was never going to be easy. I lay my head on his chest. “Do you know how much I love you, Flame?” Flame’s arm wrapped around me, in confirmation. As soon as it did, our baby moved. “Our baby is moving,” I said. Flame froze. He pulled back his arm and moved a foot away from me. I held on to his hand. His eyes were wide and fearful. “Our baby is well, Flame. Our child is moving because you are near. He or she loves you,” I stated, my voice growing strained with emotion. I moved closer to Flame, placing my hand on his waist. I settled against his chest once more. “Sleep, baby,” I gently urged and stroked my hand up and down his arm. “Sleep. Rest.” Flame’s body relaxed into the mattress. I closed my eyes listening to Flame breathe.
All would be well.
*****
As we passed the sign welcoming us to West Virginia, Flame and Asher’s demeanor changed. Both sets of eyes hardened. I had shared with AK where we must go. As the few hours to our final destination counted down, the more I doubted this plan would work. I did not know if Flame would understand. Whether he could ever replace the turbulent memory of Isaiah dying in his arms, with that of a goodbye. I glanced out of the window when AK cleared his throat. I looked to the rearview mirror. AK nodded. I caught his reflection. We were close.