The warm breeze wrapped itself around us like a mother’s embrace. “You were spared from evil, Isaiah. You were spared from a man who would seek to do you harm. In death, you received protection… you were granted peace. You left this world cradled in the arms of the person who loved you most.” My voice lost strength as I added, “I can think of no better way to pass.” Taking a deep breath, trying to hold on for just a few moments longer, I said, “Goodbye Isaiah Cade. We love you. You will always be in our hearts. Watch over us from Heaven. One day, when it is our time, we shall see you again.”
Bringing Asher and Flame’s hands to my eyes, I cried. I cried for the innocent baby who never lived. I cried for the brothers beside me who had yet to find peace. “We shall all see you again, we shall see your mama and Asher’s mama… and we shall all love in peace.”
Please… I found myself praying, hands still clasped in Asher’s and Flame’s. Help them both heal. Help Flame to be free from the burden that bleeds joy from his soul. Enable Asher to understand that he is wanted and loved. Please bestow peace on my Cade boys. Allow them to feel love… allow them to finally feel free.
Chapter Twelve
Flame
I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t fucking stand it! Maddie… my Maddie was crying. Asher was fucking crying. I felt water on my cheeks. Was I fuckin crying too? My chest felt like it was caving in, claws fucking pulling in my gut, trying to tear it apart. Maddie’s words started circling my head. You were spared from evil, Isaiah. You were spared from a man who would seek to do you harm. In death, you received protection… you were granted peace. You left this world cradled in the arms of the person who loved you most… You never said goodbye to the big brother who always tried to keep you safe. Who held you, comforted you and loved you, up until your last breath, passing from this cruel world into one of peace and light and love… A big brother who believed he had hurt you in some way, a big brother who punished himself for it, every day. This, when all he did was try—try to love you for who you were and to pray you would never leave him…
Maddie said I didn’t harm him. Maddie said that God took Isaiah away from me, because Poppa would keep on hurting him. Isaiah was taken away from me to be with mama. So that she could love him. So that Poppa wouldn’t abuse him, like he had me and Asher. I looked to Asher. He was still crying. His head was fucking bent to hide the fact that he was crying. Because Poppa hurt him too. Poppa hurt Asher… like he hurt me. Like he would’ve hurt Isaiah when he got older. My heart beat too fast. I pulled my hand back from Maddie.
“Flame?”
My feet had to move. I had to move. I paced. I looked out over the river. Isaiah had been out in there. I pushed my hands into my eyes. Isaiah had been crying before he’d died. His crying hurt my ears. He didn’t stop. He never stopped crying because he was in pain. Maddie’s words came back to me. You were spared from a man who would seek to do you harm. In death, you received protection… you were granted peace…
Poppa said that I’d killed Isaiah, that my flames had killed him. My demons had taken him from me. Maddie said something different—God took Isaiah so Poppa couldn’t do to Isaiah what had been done to me. Poppa left us alone. He left us both in the cellar. We were hungry, we were thirsty, but Poppa never came back. Isaiah’s breathing changed, but I couldn’t touch him. I told Isaiah I couldn’t touch him. I can’t touch you… I’ll hurt you…
I stared down at my hands. I’d picked him up. I’d picked him up and cradled him, like Mama did. I stopped walking and just looked at my palms. My vision went burry. I could see Isaiah in my arms. He was breathing badly. His skin was red. He was hot. His eyes were funny, glazed over. I rocked my body back and forth like Mama used to do… “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…” I heard a gasp and I lifted my head. Maddie was watching me. She was still crying. My hands were still up in the air. I could still see Isaiah in my arms. “How I wonder what you are…” I kept singing. My throat hurt. I thought I was hurting Isaiah. But Maddie said I didn’t, that the flames in my blood weren’t evil. They were bursts of light. They existed to lead me from the darkness—away from my Poppa. Maddie said God had put them there, not because I was evil, but to chase away evil, to chase away Poppa and Pastor Hughes, and the snakes they put on my skin. Maddie said Poppa was a wicked and cruel man.
“He hurt me,” I told Isaiah.
“Baby,” Maddie whispered.
I looked down at Isaiah, who was still cradled in my arms. “He hurt me. He always hurt me. He pushed inside me. He made me cry. He brought snakes to me. He made me release the flames.” I looked at the scars on my arms under Isaiah’s little body. Maddie said the flames didn’t have to be released anymore. That I would feel better with them inside. If I let them, they would scare all the badness away. They were flames of good, not bad. Like Moses. Like Moses and the burning bush. My mama used to tell me about that story. Maybe she knew too? Maybe she knew the flames weren’t bad.
I remembered my mama’s voice. “Moses saw that though the bush was on fire, it did not burn up.” The sound of mama’s voice in my head made me feel better. She always made me feel better. I looked down at Isaiah. “I thought I had killed her,” I confessed, thinking of when I held her hand. “She died. I thought I had taken her away from us.” I felt the flames in my blood, bubbling under my skin. My jaw clenched. But I let the flames burn. I let them burn. I breathed and I waited for the pain to come. Maddie said I didn’t have to release them…
… it did not burn up…
I gasped and dropped to my knees. The flames. I felt them. They were rushing through my veins. “They’re not evil. The flames are good.” I studied the veins in my arms. They burned, but they didn’t hurt. I breathed easier. They didn’t hurt. The flames carried away the evil from Poppa. God took you away, so you were spared from poppa’s evil. You were spared from a man who would seek to do you harm. In death, you received protection… you were granted peace…
My body felt weak. My arms ached. My legs throbbed. Isaiah was looking up at me. “I’m sorry,” I rasped. A teardrop fell on his chest. “I’m sorry,” I repeated. Isaiah began to disappear. “Goodbye…” I whispered. My chest felt too tight. I saw my Poppa’s face in my mind. He hurt me. He hurt Isaiah. He hurt Asher... He even hurt Maddie. “Goodbye,” I repeated, and Isaiah completely vanished. My body shook. It vibrated with fucking rage. Hot anger filled all my muscles.
Throwing back my head, I screamed. I fucking screamed and sank my hands into the soil. Poppa did this. Poppa fucking hurt us all. Isaiah left us, because Poppa was bad. I was fucked up, because Poppa was bad. Ash… my head snapped to the side. He was watching me. He was fucked up too. Then all the rage left me with one single look at Maddie. One hand was over her mouth… and the other was over her stomach. Her baby—our baby… like Isaiah. I turned my head to look at the river. Isaiah was put in there. Poppa and the pastor scattered his ashes into the water.