He couldn’t hide the grin that crept onto his lips. “Shut the fuck up, bitch. Now you’ll never see my best inventory.”
“I already have the best inventory.”
He winked. “Touché.”
“Does that mean you’ll be leaving, then?”
“Depends. If you need me, I’ll stay. Not a bad idea to have me outside your door every night.”
“I don’t need any help, Ash.”
He took a drink then set down the glass. “See, that’s the problem. If you needed help, you would never ask for it.”
No, I never would.
“So, I’ll ask your wife what she thinks.”
“I don’t need my woman making decisions for me.”
“When she’s taking care of you, I disagree.”
Sofia had been at my side day and night. Instead of going back to work and resuming her life, she chose to spend all of her time with me. She’d been a captive for an entire month, but now she was cooped up in a room all over again. When she’d brought my ring to the hospital, it touched me so deeply. Seeing the way she attended to me like a wife who loved her husband was exactly what I wanted. But it was still hard to let her see me in my weakest state.
“How much longer do you think you’ll need?”
“It’s gonna be at least a month.”
“Damien and I can always take care of it.”
I wanted Maddox dead, but I wanted to be the one to kill him. “No. I have to handle this myself.”
“At least, when you’re getting laid, she’s doing all the work. That must be nice.”
I hadn’t looked at my wife that way once. I felt too weak to be desirable, and I would never instigate anything after what she’d been through. I’d hardly touched her since I’d been home. When we slept together, I stuck to my side of the bed. She never talked about what she’d endured. And I never asked. I just assumed she wouldn’t be ready for something like that anytime soon. I could give her all the time she needed. “It’ll be a long time before Sofia and I have that sort of relationship again.”
He seemed to realize how insensitive he sounded. “Of course…” He cleared his throat and took a drink. “Like I said, if there’s anything you need, I’m here. My pimping duties can wait until you’re back to full strength.”
“Thanks.” I couldn’t believe my brother was sitting beside me, acting like a friend rather than a stranger. “I’m really glad you’re here…and not because I need help.”
It was the first time he turned his gaze away, like the statement affected him deep down inside. “Yeah…I’m glad I’m here too.”
Once I was back on my feet, I moved around the house more. I showered on a daily basis, got dressed on my own, and didn’t feel so weak. I started to feel like my old self, like a strong man in his prime.
Sofia stayed home with me even though I didn’t need so much help anymore.
It was deep winter now, and every morning, the frost pressed against the windows. I walked around in sweatpants, but I still ditched the shirt. It just wasn’t as comfortable to me. I was sitting outside on the patio because it was a sunny day. I handled work from the computer, and I only communicated with Damien through our assistants.
Sofia came outside and brought me a hot cup of coffee. “Ready for lunch?”
“Not hungry.”
“You’re never hungry.”
All I’d been doing was lying in bed. The last thing I wanted to do was get fat. Just because I was sedentary didn’t mean I could let my strength go. When I got out of this, I had to correct all my mistakes. I had to kill Maddox with my bare hands.
“You still need to eat.” She took the seat beside me, wearing a long sweater dress with brown boots that went to her knees. Her brown hair was curled and long, and the makeup on her face made her seem too beautiful to be real. Her diamond ring was still on her left hand.
I had worried Maddox had taken it away. “When I’m hungry, I’ll eat.”
She dropped her insistence and looked at the city below her. On the outside, it seemed like nothing had changed, like she hadn’t been the target of a violent crime. But there were subtle cues that I noticed. Her eyes didn’t roam over my chest and shoulders the way they used to. She didn’t grab the front of my shirt and yank me toward her for a kiss. When we were in bed together, she never tried to make it into something more. She didn’t even try to pull me close. There was no hint of arousal in her gaze.
Maybe it was because my body was so scarred. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt me. Or maybe now that I wasn’t as strong as I used to be, she’d lost her lust.
Or maybe it was because of the thing I didn’t want to think about.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss sex.
I didn’t just miss it…I missed it with my wife.
I missed that closeness, that tenderness. It was the closest I could get to her heart, the closest I could get behind her walls and pretend she felt the way I did.
But I wouldn’t dare pressure her. Wouldn’t even mention it.
She’d have to do that on her own. Or at least tell me she was ready.
She turned her gaze back to me. “You look so much better… That makes me really happy.”
“I’ll be better before you know it.” I never confessed how much pain I endured. I didn’t tell a soul how miserable I was. I stayed positive to ease her pain. I was in this condition because I sacrificed myself for her. I didn’t want her to feel worse than she already did. It was easy to focus on the finish line and forget all the roadblocks along the way.
“I know…” She reached her hand for mine on the table, her fingers so little in my palm. She gave me a gentle squeeze, accompanied by her beautiful smile.
I’d give anything to kiss her right now.
To pull her into my lap and dig my hand deep into her hair. I would love to go back to what we were before that evil man ruined our lives. It used to be just the two of us, slowly solidifying our relationship.
Now we had to start all over.
I’d earned my brother’s forgiveness, but that didn’t seem to matter. Now that Sofia had to struggle with this new agony, it made no difference if she could love me. She was too burdened to be able to do so anyway.
After weeks passed, I made it all the way down to the bottom floor and stepped outside. The black car was waiting for us, and I realized it was the first time I’d left the house since I came home from the hospital.
Sofia was with me, insisting she join me for my first round of physical therapy.
After we got into the back seat, the driver drove off.
She was loyal and attentive to me every moment of the day, but there was a distinct distance between us. We both had our own issues, but we refused to confide in each other. As a result, there was a minefield of silence between us.
We used to hold hands in the car, or she would rest her cheek on my shoulder. Now, we sat on opposite sides of the car, hardly saying anything to each other. When she looked out the window with a somber expression on her face, I wondered what she was thinking, if she was reliving the terrible things she never mentioned.