We arrived at the facility, and I walked inside with a straight posture, pretending to be as strong as I used to be. I didn’t want Sofia to view me as weak, to assume I would never get her the revenge she deserved. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of her, and I didn’t want her to think that too.
Not long after we checked in at the front desk, they were ready to see me.
Sofia moved to take a seat, as if she expected to watch me until I was done.
“Sofia?”
She turned back to me, immediately enthused by the possibility of me needing her assistance. “Yes?”
“I need you to wait in the car.”
Her eyes fell. She looked so hurt that it seemed like I’d slapped her across the face.
“I just need some privacy.” I hated to hurt her, but I didn’t want her to watch me struggle to complete ordinary tasks. It was humiliating. It wasn’t a version of myself I wanted her to see.
“I don’t understand…”
“I don’t want you to see me like this, okay?” It was hard to deny her when her eyes looked so innocent, like she would never judge me for anything.
“See you like what?” she asked. “I don’t think less of you, Hades. You could be in a wheelchair, and my opinion would never change. Watching you overcome this makes you strong, not weak. You don’t have to put on a show for me. I’m your wife. I’m always gonna be here.”
Her words went straight to my heart, but my pride was too great. If the therapist asked me to do something and I couldn’t, I’d feel like less of a man—especially if my wife witnessed my shortcomings. If it were Ash or someone else, I probably wouldn’t care. But her opinion meant the world to me. If she thought I was weak, she might never love me. “Please wait in the car.” I didn’t want to see the hurt look on her face, so I turned away so I wouldn’t have to.
12
Sofia
I sat across from my mother at the dinner table. We shared a bottle of wine, and I picked at the dinner Helena made for us. Fresh bread and butter were in the basket, and the room smelled like a gourmet meal.
My mother rambled on about something. “I’m so glad the Tuscan Rose seems to be operating smoothly. We’ve got good employees there, loyal employees. I think your father and Gustavo would be happy about this legacy. And it’s amazing that Hades can keep everything tidy while going through this…”
I stared down into my glass of wine and ignored everything she said. When Hades had asked me to leave his physical therapy, I was hurt by the request. After everything we’d been through, how could he not feel comfortable with me? He’d sacrificed himself for me, did something most people wouldn’t have had the courage to do. The last thing I thought was that he was weak. In fact, he had my undying respect.
I knew he probably felt guilty about what happened. But he shouldn’t. In the end, he was the one who saved me.
That was all that mattered.
“He’s recovering so quickly… It’s remarkable. Nothing is gonna stop that man…”
Most of my dinner was untouched because I didn’t have an appetite. My life was in a strange place. Time was moving so slowly, and I’d thought things would go back to the way they were, but that didn’t seem possible.
We were different people.
We both struggled with our demons, and we probably would be haunted forever.
“Honey?”
I swirled my glass and took a drink.
“Sofia? Are you listening to me?”
At the mention of my name, I lifted my gaze and made eye contact with my mother. “Yes?”
She shook her head slightly. “That’s a big fat no.”
I didn’t have the energy to entertain my mother. I didn’t have the strength to smile and pretend as if everything was okay. I wanted my husband to make a full recovery and not be insecure during the process.
Her eyes softened, and she set down her glass. “Honey…we need to talk about what happened.”
My mother had never provoked a conversation about what happened to me. I’d assumed she understood it was off-limits. Guess not. “No, we don’t.”
“It’s eating you alive. I can see it.”
I refused to let that asshole break me, to let him occupy my brain rent-free. If someone wronged me, I always took the classy route and brushed it off. If I kept telling myself that I was okay, maybe I would be. “What you’re seeing is a woman concerned about her husband.”
That look of pity continued. “Sofia, there’s no shame in admitting that you aren’t okay. No one would be okay.”
I couldn’t hold her gaze any longer, so I looked away.
My mother was an emotionless person, but right now, the pain swelled in her eyes. She couldn’t hide the agony she felt at my expense, the pain a mother felt when her daughter hurt. “If you can’t talk to me, talk to someone else.”
“There’s nothing to talk about…”
“Spending all your time pretending nothing is wrong is simply making it more wrong.” She continued to stare at me hard. “Have you confided in Hades?”
He was the last person I would ever tell. “We have more important things to worry about right now. We need to get Hades back on his feet so we can resume our lives. That’s the only thing that matters to me…my husband.”
When the lights were out and we were ready for bed, we lay side by side in the large bed. Lights from the city pierced the crack in the curtains and were the only illumination in the darkness. I lay on my side with my back to him, but I wasn’t asleep because I wasn’t tired. I knew he was awake by the sound of his breathing. We weren’t as close as we used to be. We managed to stay together but somehow felt like strangers. I wasn’t sure if it was him or me…or both.
The mattress shifted with his movements before I felt him press his body close to mine. His chest was up against my back, and his arm hooked around my waist. His mouth rested against the back of my neck, caught in a curtain of hair. His fingertips squeezed me lightly through my t-shirt, rubbing me in the darkness.
It was the first time we were close under the sheets. He used to be too injured for closeness, but now his superficial ailments had healed. His deep breaths blanketed my skin, his warm breath hot against my skin.
I didn’t hate the touch, but I didn’t like it either.
Maybe my mother was right. Maybe it bothered me more than I realized.
The actual abuse I’d suffered didn’t change me. It was the way I felt afterward, the way I feared people would see me. My mother looked at me like I was damaged beyond repair, and I didn’t see Hades regard me with lust like he used to. He was afraid I thought he was weak. But I was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way about me…that everything had changed.
That when he looked at me…all he saw was him.
Part of me wanted to start over, to be around someone who had no idea what had happened to me. It seemed like everyone’s perception of my character had changed. That instead of being a survivor, I was a victim. I was tarnished, dirty, and irreparable.
When I projected my worst fears onto Hades, I didn’t want to be near him.