“So, this is an arranged marriage?”
“Exactly.” I took another drink. “I married her because I loved her…and she married me because she had to. I thought things would change, that we would get closer together, but after everything that has transpired, I don’t think that’s going to happen. She won’t let me touch her. She doesn’t desire me. She doesn’t talk to me.”
Ash ignored his drink. “If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t be at your beck and call. That woman has been deeply concerned about your well-being. Maybe she doesn’t love you, but all that other stuff is untrue. She’s devoted to you. I just think she has some personal shit getting in the way of that.”
“And now I’ll never have a chance…”
“I wouldn’t say that. But it does look like you’re gonna have to start over.”
I rubbed my temple because this moment had already been six years in the making. I’d worked so hard to have her, but no matter how close I got, I was never close enough.
Ash stared at me for a long time. “Go home and start over.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his.
“It’s time to talk about the thing you don’t want to talk about.”
When I came home, she was sitting in the armchair by the fire, an open book between her hands. She was in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. Maybe she wore the extra clothes because it was wintertime, or maybe she wore them so I wouldn’t see her. The woman I used to know would rather be naked because I could keep her warm.
She looked up when she noticed me. “Did you have a good time?”
No, not at all. “Yeah.”
“I’m glad you got out of the house. You must feel cooped up in here.”
Being in the bedroom with her all day would never suffocate me. But our distance did choke me. “We need to talk.” I grabbed the book and pulled it out of her hands. I was dreading this with every beat of my heart. I was dreading this because I was a coward. I was dreading this because once her tears fell, mine would too.
She rose to her feet and tensed noticeably, her arms crossing over her chest. She didn’t look like the strong woman I used to know. Now, she was timid and afraid, no longer fearless. She probably knew exactly what was coming next, and she dreaded it as much as I did.
I was always comfortable with my posture, and my hands always knew where to rest. But now I didn’t know where to put them. I didn’t know if I should touch her or keep them in my pockets. I didn’t know if I should look her in the eye or stare at the ground. When I’d agreed to marry her, I’d agreed to the happy aspects of marriage, the newlywed phase. But I wasn’t ready for the hard times, the moments that could break us forever.
She remained quiet, like she didn’t know what to say.
That meant I had to rip off the bandage. “We need to talk about what happened.”
She kept her eyes on the floor. “I don’t want to. Just leave it alone…”
“I can’t leave it alone. You won’t talk with your mother about it, but that doesn’t matter. You should talk to me. I’m your husband. That’s what I’m supposed to do. That’s my job…to help you through this.”
She stayed quiet, but her breathing escalated. Clearly, she was trying to bottle her emotion, trying to pretend she was fine.
I wanted to die. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you aren’t ready to talk, you don’t have to. But I want you to know that I don’t see him when I look at you, that I see you as the same woman you’ve always been. I want you whenever you want me, and my desire for you has only grown after all this. You’re still mine…I’m still yours.”
She finally lifted her gaze to look at me, drops of moisture on her eyelashes. She sniffed slightly, but the tears didn’t fall.
“You’ve been distant with me for a while now. It gets worse every passing day. The last thing I want is for us to drift further apart. We can’t let this divide us. That’s exactly what he wants. Please don’t push me away. You get dressed in the bathroom so I can’t look at you. You don’t want me to touch you in bed if our embrace is anything but innocent.” My eyes shifted back and forth as I looked at her face, hoping for some emotion from her. “I’ll never pressure you. I’ll never ask for anything you aren’t ready to give. I can wait as long as you want me to…because I don’t want anyone else but you. But don’t push me away.”
She gave a slight nod and sniffed again.
I stepped closer to her because it seemed okay. “I’m so sorry….” I took a deep breath because I felt the tears flood my eyes. Nothing could ever bring me to tears…except this one woman. I felt her pain a million times over. She thought she was alone in this, but she was never alone. Every day that she had been gone, I had still been with her…suffering. I steadied my emotion so the drops wouldn’t drip down my cheeks, but the tears were visible in my eyes. “It’s my fault that this happened to you…and I’ll never forgive myself.”
“No…it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. I’m the reason this happened. And I should’ve gotten you out sooner.”
“Stop.” She took a step toward me and placed her palm on my chest. “It’s no one’s fault. It happened, and we’ll get through it.” Her hands cupped my cheeks as she brought my face close to hers. Her teary eyes mirrored my own.
“We will,” I whispered. “And I’ll kill him. I promise you that.”
She rested her forehead against mine. “I know you will.”
14
Sofia
I returned to work at the hotel.
Hades was nearly recovered, so he didn’t need me anymore. It was nice to be back in the office, to be productive once again, but it was strange to get back to normal life.
I refused to confront the fact that I had been raped. I refused to confront the fact that I’d been a prisoner of an evil man. I tried to brush it off and pretend it didn’t hurt me. But once Hades confronted me, I realized how deep those scars went. I realized Maddox was still inside me, poisoning my mind and killing my relationship. Hades was the person I trusted most in this world.
Why had I ever shut him out?
Why had I ever assumed he would think less of me?
When he said he still wanted me…I couldn’t believe it. It was exactly what I needed to hear, that I hadn’t been ruined by that cruel man. I needed to know that the terrible things that happened to me wouldn’t change my life, especially since they were out of my control. I was a victim of a crime…and I shouldn’t be punished.
I stayed in the office most of the day because my time was spent trying to catch up. It’d been months since I’d been at this desk, and the disarray showed me how much I was needed. The hotel was behind in every category. A couple employees had quit recently, and those vacancies hadn’t been filled. As a result, the hotel was shorthanded, and the flow was off.
It made me realize operating this hotel completely on my own was unrealistic. If my health were compromised or one of my kids got sick, I couldn’t just leave. Having a partner like Hades made everything much easier. Without him, the board would’ve taken over and squeezed me out.