“Are you fucking with me?” I ask, shooting him a side eye.
“You’re killing me here. She asked because she said sometimes it’s easier to start with things you want to talk about. It helps create a level of comfort. She asked about how we met and how our relationship is going.”
“What did you tell her? I think our relationship is going well, right?”
Again, Caleb is laughing at me. I’m worried this woman is judging me for getting involved with him. She doesn’t know how I held back, how I knew it was wrong because of what he’d been through.
“Yes, Ruby, our relationship is going well. I told her I felt like you’re the reason I was there and you’re the reason I wake up in the morning and want to be better. I want to be better for you and for our future. I want to be able to give you everything you give to me.”
He’s about to make me cry. I pull in a ragged breath, my chest shuddering a little. All I want out of this is for him to be happy. I don’t want to be the reason he tries so hard.
“You need to do it for yourself. This isn’t about me or Sie or Reid. This is about you and you getting your life back.”
“I know that, but you’re a huge part of my life. So are Reid and Sie, and me dealing with all this shit inside my head will make things better for everyone,” he admits and it feels like a breakthrough.
It’s an admittance of his issues; it’s an admittance of everything he knows he needs to face. This is far bigger than what he’s done in the past. It feels like he’s done brushing things aside, done moving along as if he’s just barely living.
If I weren’t driving right now, I’d be hugging him. I’m proud of the progress he’s already making. It’s a huge stride in the right direction just going to the therapist, even if all they did was talk about our relationship.
“I’m really proud of you for going,” I tell him, looking over quickly and shooting him a smile. “I know it was tough and I know each day you go will be tough, but you’re ending the cycle that your family created. Now you’ll be able to recognize when you need help rather than suffering in silence. This will help you be more aware of yourself, more aware of your own needs.”
I sound super therapist-y and I laugh a little and so does Caleb.
“I think you’re about ready to take on the role of therapist, but just not as my therapist,” he jokes, reaching over and pinching my side.
“Whatever,” I reply, flitting a dismissive hand his way, but he grabs it, kissing it just like he did before. “You wanna go for a run when we get home?”
“If Sie and Reid are gone, I’ve got another idea.” He waggles his eyebrows as if I don’t know what he’s talking about. He’s so damn cheesy sometimes.
We aren’t so lucky because when we walk in Reid and Sienna are cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. Not that them being home has ever stopped them or us before though, but it’s starting to feel like we need a bigger house.
I don’t like that this one holds the memories of what happened with Caleb and Professor Keller. I imagine it’s equally hard for him to walk out into the alley to get in the car or take out the garbage. If my thoughts go to that night, I’m sure his do, too. These are all things we skate around, things we don’t talk about. I know Caleb well enough to know he wouldn’t dare ask us to move. That’s far too self-serving and that is not who he is. This is something Sie, Reid and I need to start talking about, ways to help Caleb recover without making it seem like we’re intentionally changing our lives to accommodate him. He’d hate that.
When we walk over to where Reid and Sie are sitting, Reid asks, “How’d it go?” without missing a beat. He obviously has no concerns about feeling intrusive and something about it makes me laugh a little. The giggle falls from my lips without even thinking about it.
“He’s far bolder than you and me,” Sie announces, her lips pursed and her eyes closed in annoyance with Reid’s abruptness. But I honestly like it. It feels refreshing to have someone care enough to ask.
“It was good,” Caleb responds, giving the same answer he gave me.
“You going back?”
“I am.”
“When?”
“Next week.”
“Okay, cool,” Reid now says and their conversation ends. It’s simple, but it’s enough to let Caleb know he cares.
Sienna lets out a hard sigh, almost as if she were hoping Reid would ask the questions she really wants to ask. She twirls her hair around her finger and chews on her lip. She’s steeling up the courage to ask him everything that has been swirling in her head since Caleb left for the therapist.
“Did you tell her about Mom and Dad?” Sienna suddenly asks, but every one of us knows it wasn’t a question that just popped into her head.
“I didn’t, Sie, not yet, but when I do, you should probably be there. Their bullshit involves both of us.”
She doesn’t say anything and it’s clear she’s processing what he just said, worrying about what that means. Delving into their lives is anything but simple. I’m not sure she even wants to do it.
“It’ll be good for both of you,” I say, cutting in and I watch as Sie reluctantly nods her head in agreement.
“It will be,” Caleb chimes in. “Then I won’t be alone and someone else will know you’re just as crazy as me.” He’s fucking with her and being silly and as much as she’s trying to ignore him, a smirk slips through.
They have always had this playful quality to their relationship and I don’t want them to lose it because of all this. Things will get messy and secrets will come out, but I hope it makes their relationship stronger in the end.
Reid’s flipping through the channels on the TV and stops on a local news station, waiting for the weather to play. With Caleb having some time off, we talked about going to the beach and maybe even doing some surfing. It’s been cool, but the temperatures never get cold enough that we can’t surf with a wetsuit. We’ve been talking about teaching Caleb ever since he first showed up out here and now’s as good of a day as any.
But as the news plays, the story that pops up on the screen kills any good vibes that were happening.
“Local Hawthorn Hills professor Aaron Keller has plans to seek legal action against the student—” She’s cut short by Reid turning the TV off and then awkwardly looking around the room. The silence hits each one of us like a ton of bricks, but that story hits even harder.
Chapter Twelve
Caleb
The silence in the room is deafening and as I sit on the couch with Ruby, I can feel all three pairs of eyes watching me, waiting for my reaction. The room feels tense, almost as though they expect me to lose my shit right here in front of them.
“You don’t need to turn it off,” I say, exhaling as I sit back on the couch.
“You don’t need a reminder of it,” Sienna says quickly, her hand on my arm, a worried look on her face.
I smirk at her, nudging her gently in the side. “It’s not like I can hide from it, Sie. Sooner or later, I’m gonna have to face all of this.”