“Because of everything that happened?” she asks, looking up at me.
“That and the fact they’d left,” I say, surprised at how easy the words are coming today. “We’d always had this plan that we’d leave as soon as we finished school. Move somewhere far away and the three of us would get a place together. Forget all about the crap we left behind.”
Ruby leans her head on my shoulder as we walk, one arm around my waist, the other now holding my hand in hers. “It must have been hard when they left.”
I take a deep breath, my mind going back to that day, to the angry words Sienna had yelled at me as the three of us stood outside the airport before she’d pulled me into a tight hug, apologizing profusely as she instead begged me to come with them. Reid had watched us both, his face dark, but his eyes filled with a hurt I knew he was trying to hide.
It had killed me to watch them walk into the terminal because it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go with them, I did, desperately. But it felt like I couldn’t. I couldn’t just walk away from everything our grandfather had tried to build and everything our stupid father had been in the process of destroying.
And even though I knew my stupidity for staying wasn’t going to stop them from living out our dream, watching them leave had been one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. At least I’d thought that at the time.
But I hadn’t known just how bad things were, or how much worse they were going to get.
“Do you regret not going with them?” Ruby asks, and I realize it’s the first time she’s ever asked me that.
“Yeah, I do,” I admit, knowing I’ve never told anyone the real truth about my decision to stay. “It’s one of my biggest regrets.”
Ruby squeezes my hand, as though she sensed that. “I wonder if we’d have ever met if you had come out two years ago,” she says, almost to herself.
I let out a laugh. “That’s the shitty thing in all of this actually,” I say, stopping as I turn to her, my hands cupping her face now. “As much as I wish I could undo everything from the past two years, I never would because all of it has led me to you.”
The smile Ruby gives me somehow cuts through the shit inside my head and makes me feel amazing. And when she pushes up on her toes to kiss me, I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, the two of us kissing in the middle of the street, oblivious to everyone around us.
When we eventually pull back, I wrap my arm around her shoulder as we continue walking. “You think you’ll move back to Lake Tahoe after school?” I ask, knowing that despite everything we’ve been through, everything we are still going through, we’ve never really talked about the future or what that looks like for us.
“I don’t know,” she says with a sigh. “Do you think you’ll stay in Hawthorn?”
I smile. “I’ll go wherever you go, Ruby.”
“Really?” she asks, glancing up at me in surprise.
“Really.”
“What about…” she trails off, turning away from me. “What about Reid and Sie and your plan to be together?”
I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Yeah, I mean that was the plan, but I guess things are different now. They have each other.” I glance down at her, chuckling a little at the way her brows are narrowed as though she doesn’t like my answer. “Don’t get me wrong,” I continue, smoothing my thumb across her forehead. “I’d love to be close to them, wherever they end up, but I want to be with you more.” Ruby watches me with an unreadable expression on her face. “What?”
“We’ve never really talked about the future like this,” she says, her words quiet as though she’s afraid to say them out loud.
“I know,” I admit. “And given everything that’s going on, I’m not sure I should be thinking about a future too much when I have no idea whether it’s even a possibility.”
“Yes, you should,” she says, her hand on my chest. “Whatever happens, you still have a future, Caleb. We still have a future.”
“Even if I go to jail?”
“You’re not going to jail,” she says quickly.
“I might.”
Ruby shakes her head. “No, you won’t,” she says. “It’s your first offense. There are extenuating circumstances, you’re—”
“I attacked a guy, a college professor no less.”
“Who was jerking off while spying on me,” she quickly adds and even just hearing the words makes my blood boil. “What he was doing was wrong, Caleb.”
“Yeah,” I murmur.
We walk in silence for a few minutes, neither of us talking anymore. I can only guess at what Ruby’s really thinking, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve having a felon for a boyfriend. And as much as she might like to think we could survive that, I know we couldn’t. A criminal record will follow me everywhere and I wouldn’t want that for her. It’s bad enough that I’m putting her through all of this now.
Eventually we come to a café that’s half-empty and Ruby stops. “You wanna eat here?” I ask.
Ruby nods, turning to me. “Yes, here’s fine,” she says, looking up at me, her arms still around my waist as she makes no move to go inside.
“You okay?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she says. I turn to open the door for her, but she still doesn’t move. “Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
She smiles up at me, her hand cupping my cheek. “I know what you’re thinking,” she starts. “But I want to tell you when I picture my future, all I see is a future with you. We will get through this.” I open my mouth to speak, but she continues before I get a chance. “And thank you for talking to me about all of this. I know it’s not easy for you.”
Then she presses a quick kiss to my lips before she takes my hand and leads me inside.
After lunch, we head over to the bar, Ruby hanging out with me as I face my first day back at work since everything happened. Thankfully it’s pretty quiet with most students still out of town and everyone else still hungover from New Year’s.
By the time we head home with some dinner for everyone, I’m feeling more relaxed about things. Today has been a good day and I know all of that is because of Ruby.
And as we slide into bed, I can’t resist pulling her close and showing her just how much she means to me. How much I need her and want her and will do anything to hang on to her.
I want to believe her vision of the future can include us and just knowing she wants that makes me realize I will do anything and everything I can to make that future a reality.
Despite how good the day is though, it doesn’t stop the nightmare from waking me when we finally fall asleep. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s a little after two.
My heart is pounding in my chest, my arms and legs restless as my brain tries to process what this latest dream was about.
“You wanna talk about it?” Ruby mumbles, moving closer.
I exhale, scrubbing a hand down my face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay,” she says, her voice still husky with sleep. “What was your dream about?”