Reflex takes over. Eight years of military training kick in as I rip my belt off and use my one good hand and teeth to wrap it around my arm. I pull the strap with my teeth until it’s so tight it hurts before I manage to fasten it. It feels like watching a stranger apply the tourniquet.
Ellis stands in front of me; she doesn’t even try to stop my attempt to save myself. Triumph radiates off her. “Well, well, well, looks like this is the end of my pest problems. Any last words, Ms. Leader?”
I choke on everything in me that doesn’t have words. I failed. I led everyone into this trap, and I couldn’t even beat Ellis. I couldn’t do anything. Everyone is dying, and it’s all my fault.
Ellis raises her arm for the final blow. I can barely keep my eyes open through the pain.
But as her sword falls, someone rushes in between us.
Ellis’s eyes widen as her sword overpowers Fiona’s and cuts through her instead of me.
“No!” someone screams. I realize, in the seconds that last forever as Fiona falls, that it was me.
I rip my helmet off before I grab Fiona with my one arm. I cradle her toward me, the tears already falling, maybe falling even before Fiona was struck. I’m dimly aware of Ellis still in front of me, but then someone else is there fighting her, people are fighting around me—but I don’t have it in me to care about what’s happening.
“No,” I whisper, choking on the word. “No, no, no. Why? The Order needs you. You needed to lead them after this.”
Fiona gasps for breath and coughs. She tries to smile, but it just comes out as a grimace. “Didn’t I tell you already? I’m replaceable. You? You are the Order. It can’t exist without you.”
I can’t stop crying. Everything is too much. It’s all one huge nightmare as the blood flows from Fiona’s chest into the dusty ground beneath us, flowing against my arm as I hold her to me. It’s too deep. I know even without looking, because I know Ellis, and I know her blow was meant to kill.
Fiona reaches up and grabs my shoulder with such intensity I think maybe she’ll live after all. “Lai, listen to me. No, listen. You can’t die here. Everyone needs you. You have to make it out, no matter what.”
“I need you, Fiona,” I whisper. “You were always there. You’ve always kept everything together. The Order doesn’t need me—I need it. All I ever did was support it from the shadows. I can’t do this without you.”
Her grip tightens on my shoulder and I wince. “You’re wrong,” she hisses. “You built everything the Order is—the foundation, the support—you’re everything. Everyone needs you to lead them. Without you—” She coughs. Her hand falls away from me.
I cry even harder. “Don’t go, Fiona. I can’t do anything without you.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.” Fiona tries to smile again, but all I can see is the blood. “But … I did enjoy being friends. You know I love you, right?”
“I love you, too, Fiona.”
“Good. Sorry, Lai, but I’m going to meet Luke and Paul first. I’ll tell them you said hi.”
“No!” I yell. Even to me it’s barely intelligible through my crying. The grief and guilt are crushing my heart to dust. I can’t do this. This isn’t real. We can still save Fiona, if we can just get her out of here, we can—
But Fiona’s breath shudders out and nothing more follows.
23
ERIK
I SEE LAI fall. Everyone around her and Ellis’s fight had stopped to watch. There was something mesmerizing in the way the two of them moved, twisting, strong, deadly graceful. They’re so fast nobody tries to jump in to help either of them. They’d just get in the way.
Come on, Lai. Win. Live.
But she lost her cool and went too far. The balance broke. Ellis took her right arm and then it was over. She would’ve taken her life, too, if Seung hadn’t jumped between them at the last minute. Ellis froze when Lai threw off her helmet and pulled her friend to her.
No. This isn’t how everything was supposed to go down. This isn’t happening.
I don’t know what to do. My feet won’t move. It’s like my body forgot how to function.
But then Devin races toward the still-frozen Ellis and defeated Lai, sword pulled back and murder in his eyes, and I don’t have to think. I run.
I barely make it in time to block Devin’s sword as it comes swinging down on Lai. I push my way between them and dig my feet in, shoving against Devin with everything I’ve got. Panic and adrenaline give me extra strength. I manage to thrust Devin back, away from Lai. I glance behind me to check on her, but she’s hunched over Seung, talking to her. I can’t look at her arm.
“What are you doing?” Devin yells. His sword drips blood as he points it at me. “That’s the Order’s leader—we kill her, we’ve as good as destroyed them.”
I don’t answer. Just lift my sword in grim defense.
“I didn’t want to believe it,” Ellis says from behind Devin. She’d been staring emptily at the ground, but now she looks up at me with heavy eyes. “I was so relieved when my butterfly never caught you doing anything suspicious. But the information leaks—the timing was too much. Especially when I told so few people about our plans.”
Cal and Joan have appeared from out of the crowd to stand behind Ellis. Gabriel materializes with Lesedi’s teleportation crystal. They all stare at me. Confused.
I can’t bring myself to look at any of them. Especially not Gabriel or Cal. I don’t want to see the moment they realize.
Ellis laughs humorlessly. “I should’ve known. It really was you, wasn’t it?” She jerks her chin toward Lai. “I forgot how useful Lai’s gift can be for communicating secretly. You have a power crystal from her, don’t you?”
My grip tightens around my sword hilt. “I tried to get you to stop.” My voice comes out way more strained than I expected it to. More than I want it to. “To call for peace. We don’t need to waste lives like this. There are other ways.”
“You mean it’s true?” Cal asks. He takes a step forward, but Joan catches his arm so he can’t go any farther. The betrayal written all over his face crushes the air out of my lungs. “You’ve been selling us out this whole time? But I thought—we welcomed you back—we’re friends—”
“I’m sorry, Cal,” I whisper. Even though this place was a battlefield just seconds ago, everything is dead quiet now. Everyone’s watching. “You are my friend. But I was never on your side.” How hypocritical is that? It sounds stupid even to me—but it’s true. Or at least, I want it to be.
Everything in his expression shuts down. Gabriel keeps staring at me like he can’t figure out what I’m saying. Joan’s eyes fall, but Ellis’s harden and Devin just laughs. “I told you,” he says. His voice rings in the air. “I told you he couldn’t be trusted!”
And then he charges. My heart twists more than it should at everyone’s reactions—I knew I was betraying them, I knew they’d find out eventually—but I hold my sword ready and steel myself. I won’t let things end here like this. And I’m sure as hell not about to let myself get killed by Devin. Like I’d ever give him that satisfaction.