Pixie put her arm around my shoulder. “Immediately. We don’t have any time if we’re going to get him caught up on his bills.”
I watched as my grandfather’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.
In my dreams I’d get to walk around this place. Look at their old photo albums. Be welcome. But that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, Pixie marched me to the door and we left without even a goodbye.
We were halfway down the path when my tears started in, the sobs shaking my body.
Pixie wrapped my head in a hug, pulling me close. “They’re a bunch of assbags that want to punish you for your dad’s mistakes. I’m so sorry.”
She was right. My grandfather was an assbag.
“Let’s get out of here. You hungry? We could stop in the place we saw near the tracks for dinner. Remember, it smelled so good.” She arranged her arm so it was around my waist. I wiped at my eyes and sniffed back my tears.
All the new stuff I knew swirled in my head. That my dad killed my mom. That he was still doing the same things now that he was then. It explained why we didn’t have a car and he had a special identification card instead of a driver’s license.
And I looked just like my mom. That was clear enough. I wished I remembered her. My fury at my father deepened. I was pissed that her family seemed to think I was a problem or something that had to be hidden. That my grandfather would rather pay every month than look at me and tell me to move into his huge house because I was family.
I was into my own thoughts pretty deep, because Pixie had to say my name a few times before I realized I was sitting in a diner at a booth with her staring at a menu. I didn’t even know what to order. Pixie took the menu and ordered for us both.
“Two cheeseburgers, fries, and Cokes.” She passed the menus to the waitress. As soon as the woman left, Pixie stood up and slid over to my side of the booth, bumping me with her hip, forcing me to move over.
She had her hand on my hand again. “I think you’re in shock. That was a lot. All at once, too. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
She leaned forward so she could look into my face.
“I think we found out all we need to know. And if he pays like he’s supposed to and I can get access to our money, I should be able to stay across from you.” I watched out the window at the cars flying by on the road. So sure of themselves, one after another flying by. Each grill on the front seemed like an evil smile mocking me.
The waitress brought us both a Coke and a glass of water, which I inhaled. Pixie just let me sit, looking out the window until our food arrived.
I was starving. Pixie and I ate like animals in the zoo. Our stomachs both ached and we rocked back on the bench with our hands on our bellies like we were pregnant Santas.
Pixie asked for the bill like she ate out every night of the week. She even showed me how to double the tax and add two dollars for a tip, which I didn’t even take into account. I let her know that her math was right.
By the time our bill was settled, the night had descended in Poughkeepsie. Pixie wouldn’t be in trouble, but there was a very real possibility that I would be. Bruce would either be hateful or unconscious. I was hoping for the latter.
After walking from the diner over a beaten down path in the grass, we arrived at the train station. Pixie and I figured out that the next train was five minutes away. We were playing fast and loose with the curfew. But in my defense, Bruce changed what he expected on the regular. It was all mood-based. Eggshells and flaming swords. You never knew what battle you faced as you opened the door.
Pixie put our tickets in her backpack. At the train station, the dark seemed to brighten a little more every few seconds. The start of a full moon. Pixie’s backpack slid from her shoulder to the crook of her elbow and she gaped at the sky.
“It’s so…” She reached up her hand and seemed to try to touch each pinpoint of white light with her fingertips.
“Big?” I offered.
It was the night sky of my childhood before the city, but I was betting it seemed wildly unreal to Pixie right now.
“Crisp? Maybe that’s the right word. I feel like I’m drowning in stars tonight.”
“Drowning? I guess there are a lot of them. I never thought about how different the sky was in the city. It’s really bright there. You can’t see all the stuff up there.”
I showed her how to find the Big Dipper and his friend, the Little Dipper. She was thrilled with the North Star and the craters on the moon. It made me wish I had more time to show her around. In my old neighborhood, we had a tire swing and a treehouse at the end of the block. It was officially no man’s land, so it belonged to us kids that lived nearby.
Pixie would love that. And maybe some of the trails behind my house that sometimes had families of deer that you had to wait to cross before you could continue.
Maybe some other day. Tonight, the stars seemed like more than enough.
“It’s crazy how this night sky makes the city seem so tiny.”
It was pretty impressive. The inky black roundness was impossibly large.
The train whistle blew in the distance and Pixie gathered up her bag. “Well, back to our business, I guess. Today was sort of a success. Don’t you think?”
It was hard to label it as that when my grandfather ripped out my hopes and dreams, but she was right. A lot of things had gone correctly.
As the train pulled to a stop, we waited for the passengers to exit before finding our seats. It was far less crowded on the return. Pixie put her head on my shoulder after the conductor punched our tickets. I didn’t nap, though. I watched as the lights and the river that flowed next to the tracks flashed by me. I had a lot to think about. Fake scenarios in my head where my mother hadn’t died. My father hadn’t lied. My grandparents were able to welcome me home. Reality was a real kick in the balls.
I pressed my cheek on the top of Pixie’s head. At least I had her. She made everything more bearable.
Chapter 22
Pixie Rae
WHEN THE TRAIN came to a squeaking stop, Gaze touched my shoulder. I pulled away from him and blinked as the bright lights came on. We were just a few blocks from our regular stomping ground, though we were getting in later than I had wanted to. There would be a few dicey intersections that didn’t have great reputations. I felt very young as Gaze and I slipped into the flow of humans getting off the train.
I wore my backpack on my front with my arms sticking through the straps. I didn’t want to make myself easy for any pickpockets.
Gaze and I walked side by side, and luckily didn’t encounter anyone that was creepy. We popped by Tapps, which was full and loud. From the front window, we saw Mr. Jones dancing on a table, so chances were Gaze would not be in trouble for staying out late.
“Want to stay with me?” I was always happy to have company, and knowing that Gaze could walk across the ramp anytime really opened up some options for us.
“Yeah. I think that would be good. I’ll jump into new clothes and be there as soon as I can.” We each walked to our own building and entered at the same moment. We waited at our windows until we could see each other—our way of ensuring the other was home safe.
It was good that we could do something. For him. For us.
Chapter 23