“What happened?”
He went pale and fell into his chair.
“I feel like you probably know what happened.” That same feeling that made me crawl over the ramp to get to Gaze was flaring up again. I was betting this man knew that Mr. Jones was a hitter. That he was abusive.
“My family has been through enough. My wife barely made it through my daughter’s death. It was too hard.”
I shook my head slowly. He had a giant house and a housekeeper and God knew what else.
“People come with problems. It’s what happens. Gaze is in the hospital. His dad beat him unconscious.” I wanted to be better and to give him the business, but I started to tear up.
The grandfather pulled a handkerchief out of his top drawer and passed it to me. I blotted the wetness on my cheeks.
“He’s got no one now. You have to go to the hospital and tell them you want to be involved, otherwise they’re going to put him in foster care. Assuming Mr. Jones stays in jail. I doubt he’ll get bail.” I knew about the process. Again, it was a part of my world.
“I can’t get involved…”
Before he could finish, I slapped my left hand on his desk. “No. You don’t get to wuss out on him. You have to figure this out. Be a man. Make it right for Gaze. You are all he has now.” That was a lie. Gaze had me. He would always have me.
The grandfather’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “I need to ask you to leave.”
I felt my jaw drop open. “You can’t be this much of a coward.”
He stood up and leaned toward me. “Watch your tone. I don’t even know who you are. What do you think coming here will do?”
He was brushing this off, brushing Gaze off. “I see you for who you are.”
I took a step back. How Gaze came out so awesome was a miracle. Or maybe his mom had been such magic that she created Gaze out of all this horrible DNA.
“You will step up for Gaze, however you can. And still pay for his apartment so it’ll be there when he wants it. Use your money to help him if you can’t get up the guts to be who you should be. Or so help me God, I will be back every weekend. I will tell your wife what you’ve been doing and let whatever happens, happens.” I put my shoulders back. It felt good to fight. Try to make something happen for Gaze while I felt so helpless.
The grandfather put both hands on his forehead and pressed. He started mumbling to himself and shooting me dirty looks in between his musings. “Fine. Fine. Have it your way. I’ll make sure that Gaze has what I can offer. It won’t be exactly what you’re demanding, but it’ll be as good as I can make it.”
He hit a button on his desk phone and the housekeeper came in. “Please take her out the back way and get her a car home.”
We didn’t have parting words, but I had his handkerchief, a monogram with script letters. The car was a black SUV and the driver only asked my address once before I was headed back home. Bic was waiting on the stoop when I got out of the car like he heard money being spent and wanted in on it.
I closed the door and looked up at the sky. Almost dark. It had been a full day. Tomorrow, I’d try to see Gaze again. Tell him I’d be watching out. That I would make sure his grandfather was going to do right by him. That would be tomorrow. I could make it to tomorrow.
Chapter 28
Gaze
MY DREAMS WERE bizarre. In and out of places I’d been in life. Pixie was there, us doing normal things, and also Bruce was there hitting me in my dreams. It felt more like pokes and a sustained pain in my chest, but it was his face that was near the pain, wherever it was.
Maybe he’d taken it too far this time. But the dreams were back. The carnival I went to when I was five. My angry grandfather. Pictures of my mom. Pixie. Pixie was always flitting in and out, making things better when they were scary.
Then there were blips. Blips of being in a white room. Blips of noises that sounded oddly familiar but would then work themselves into my dreams, like a video game room with tokens and repetitive noises. Sometimes my breath would feel more forced, like it was inflating my lungs until they almost burst. What had Bruce done this time? It was too much even for him. My lungs hurt.
And then I was awake and looking at a woman. She was kind and comforting. She gave me medicine just as I started to think about the fact that my breath was weird. My mouth felt wrong. Full. Too much.
And then I was down again, back to the dreams. The next time I came to, it was a different woman and she was the one responsible for my lungs hurting, because when my eyes popped open, she said, “Okay, that one was a little much.”
And then the pain went away. It came in smaller waves after that. I was grateful when she left. She was a very painful visitor.
And then again, the pain was too much and I opened my eyes. “Today is the big day, Gaze. We are going to work with you to see if we can get you off this ventilator and sucking on fresh, regular air, okay?”
I didn’t have much choice but to listen to her. She was comforting and gently held my hands when I wanted to touch my face. “We’ll get to that, but it’s a big moment and I want you to be able to enjoy it. So let’s do these exercises first.” She walked through my tapering off of the oxygen that was pumped into me, forcing me more and more to inhale and exhale on my own.
When she finally took the tube from my throat, I made a bunch of horrible noises and started choking. I saw stars briefly. And Breathing Lady held the back of my neck. “That’s the worst of it, Gaze. Now, slow, regular breaths. I’m going to hold this tube near your nose to just make sure you are getting the best air we have in the hospital, okay? In and out. In and out. Nice and slow. No big jumps.”
She worked with me for what felt like forever before she showed me how the oxygen in my nose worked and let me lie back.
“Well, you’re breathing on your own like a rock star. I’m not surprised. You’re a fighter, Gaze!”
I smiled at her as best I could. I stared at my arms and I had old bruises. They’d gone from what had to have been deep black-blue to technicolor multi-color splotches.
Dad.
My dad must have put me in here. Oh shit. I tried racking my brain to think of what had been done to me so I could come up with a sturdy lie. But when I tried to offer one, Breathing Lady held up a hand. “All in good time. Let’s just focus on this breathing. There’s nothing for you to worry about right now, bud. Just breathe. That’s your body’s most important job right now.”
She made notes and looked at the various screens around me. I tried to understand the room I was in. Clearly, it was a hospital and I was recovering from something pretty rough. In and out. In and out.
Where was Pixie? In and out. Where was Bruce? In and out. Was Pixie okay? In and out. She might’ve seen what had happened to me through our window. She’d be worried. In and out.
_______________
Time passed slowly and then at a whiplash pace. When I was finally able to hold a full conversation, Nurse Pam told me I had a few visitors. I was hoping for Pixie. Hell, I’d even take my math teacher, but the first person through the door to visit me was an officer.
He slid his hat under his arm and gave me a warm grin. “You look way better than I expected. You’re really bouncing back.”