Brutus grunted. He could tell he was embarrassing Fina by defying her authority. And, honestly, all he really wanted was to say what he came to say and then get the hell out of there. I miss my dog. Though, he might stay for supper. Whatever was cooking in that giant pot off to the side of the bonfire smelled delicious. He inhaled the scent of stewing onions and herbs wafting in the air.
With another grunt, he got to his knees and stared up at Fina. “Fine. I’m kneeling. Can we get this over with now? I have places to be, and this skirt is annoying.” The leaf in the back kept sticking in his butt crack. And with a such a large strong muscular ass, he had to tug pretty hard to unwedge it. Very undignified.
Fina was about to speak when the crowd of women parted like the sea.
“All hail Queen Chacacacakhan!” someone called out, and the women bowed their heads.
A tall, statuesque female with flowing waves of raven black hair reaching down to her waist appeared in a colorful wooden mask.
Did they just call her…Chaca-caca-khan? He tried not to laugh. What a silly name. I wonder what it means. The caca queen perhaps? Or maybe she was a fan of Cha-Ka, from that wonderful TV show Land of the Lost? Or Khan from Star Trek? Or perhaps the singer Chaka Khan.
I’m going with door number four. Without argument, the ’80s was the most meaningful era of energetic synthesizer tunes meant to evoke the playful spirit within. That’s right, he was a fan, and Chaka Khan was an icon of the era, worthy of all ten Grammys under her belt.
And wait. Hold the bonfire… Is that a unicorn mask on the queen’s face? Yes, it was. It had a little seashell horn sticking up at the top, covered in glittering gems.
Oh, gods. These women really did have a thing for Cimil. Not a good sign. He could only hope they weren’t as irrational and devious as the Goddess of the Underworld.
“Introduce yourself!” demanded the queen, who wore a rainbow-colored toga that dragged in the sand. In her hand, she carried the biggest fucking battle-ax he’d ever seen, the handle wrapped in ribbons of pinks, reds, and yellows.
So they’re warriors with flair. He could respect that. He himself liked to hang his lucky Maaskab ear from the hilt of his sword. That evil Mayan priest had been his first official kill centuries ago. Had it encased in silver.
“Good evening,” Brutus said. “Thank you for agreeing to see me.” Finally. “I am—”
“Silence!” The queen stepped forward, reached down, and slapped him. “You do not speak unless spoken to, man.”
“Ow.” He covered his cheek. “Didn’t you just say to introduce myself? And is hitting really necessary?” Not even he hit a foe without just cause. It was the code of warriors. Never harm those who don’t stand in your way or pose a threat. Everyone else? Ass kicking.
The women gasped at his perceived insolence.
The leader raised her hand once again, but this time, he wasn’t having it. Leafy skirt or not, he could still kick all these girls’ asses.
I hope? They did look pretty tough.
He got to his feet and rose to his full height, staring down at the woman. “I haven’t come this far to be slapped. And might I remind you that if it weren’t for men like me, specifically me, you wouldn’t be here right now. I am an esteemed Uchben leader who has halted more apocalypses than you have years on this planet, which means I am to be respected.”
“You will kneel, or I will remove your head.” The leader lowered her battle-ax and pointed it at him.
“Mother!” Fina stepped forward. “He comes with a message from Cimil. She asked him to be here.”
Though he couldn’t see the queen’s face, he suspected her mouth was hanging open. “Cimil sent him? A man? Here?”
“Yes! That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier.”
Everyone gasped. What was the big deal?
“Actually,” Brutus cleared his throat, “I come on behalf of all the gods. With a warning and an invitation.” He went on to explain about the plague and how the queen’s people would be afflicted. “Any day now, it will reach you, and when it does, you will turn evil. You will fight each other, you will want to kill for fun, and you will destroy anything that gets in your way.”
“Um. Kind of like we already do?” piped up one woman.
The rest laughed. Did they think this was a joke?
“You do not understand,” Brutus tried to explain. “If you flip from the plague, the gods will have no choice but to come and imprison you for the good of humans. Anyone who resists will be killed. So, therefore, it is in your best interest to come with me now so that we might assist you all in finding mates.” He left out the part that they might be doing it from the gods’ prison.
There was stiff silence in the air, filled only with the crackle and pop of the bonfire.
No one moved a muscle or said a word.
Then…laughter. Not just laughter, but hysterical screaming mixed with choking and hacking. Even Fina’s mother joined in.
“Everyone!” Fina cried out. “Stop that! You need to take this seriously. We will all die by each other’s hands if we do not go with him.”
But no one listened. Not a soul.
Finally, the queen waved her battle-ax, and the group went silent. She turned her back on Brutus to address the group. “Well, it appears the prophecy is upon us. Just as Cimil foresaw. Word for word.” The queen inhaled slowly, the women hanging on her every word. “But we are not cowards! We are warriors! And like the brave fighters we are, we will confront death head-on!”
The women cheered, hooting and howling out their war cry.
Wait. What? “Are you saying you wish to die?” Brutus spoke loudly, trying to address the queen over the noise. “You wish to kill each other, or be hunted and executed by the gods?”
The queen turned to him. “It is our destiny,” she said. “It is not our place to question it.”
He glanced at Fina standing beside her mother. He could see the torment and anger in her dark eyes. She did not agree, so why didn’t she speak up?
“Well, then,” he said, “I am very sorry to hear that. Because we could all use your help, including the very brave and loyal soldiers under my command, who, by the way, also deserve your loyalty and respect. More than once, they have put their lives on the line to save every breathing soul in existence. But, right now, they are locked up in a prison because love has yet to find them, and they did not wish to die for something that will eventually get resolved. They want to live and fight another day.”
He hoped the leader would catch his meaning. Even his bravest saw the logic in being locked up if they could not be mated.
“Then they are fools,” the queen scowled. “Because the great goddess foretold the end, and you cannot escape destiny. You can only die with honor.”
He crinkled his nose. “But you do understand that Cimil foresees ‘the end’ ten times a day, right? Hell, she’s usually the one causing it. You can’t believe a word from that woman’s mouth.”
The collective snarls made him realize that he’d crossed the line.
“I’m very sorry,” he said quickly, holding up his palms. “I meant no disrespect. But if you would come with me and speak with the other gods, you’d know I’m telling the truth.”