“I mean that you claim to be this great soldier, but you don’t know jack shit about assessing an adversary.” She huffed. “Can’t believe I had to save you.”
“Wait. Hold on. Are you saying I should have known your mother was going to have me for supper?”
“Uh, yeah. The savory herbal rubdown should have been a clue. But noooo… You were too occupied with your important mission and speaking than you were with sizing up the situation around you. Honestly, if it had been me, I would have been out of there way before dinner. I mean, really? You couldn’t have busted through a few bamboo tubes and escaped out the side of my hut?”
Huh. Maybe she’s right. He had allowed himself to be tenderized. “I guess it never occurred to me that you were cannibals.”
“Ewww. We’re not.” Fina made a sour face and stuck out her pink little tongue. “We’re mannibals—we only eat men, who aren’t technically people under our laws. And we only do so when they wander onto our land. It’s believed to be the only way to cleanse ourselves of your bad energy.”
Whatever. They still ate people. “How many unfortunate bastards have stepped foot on your holy woman-dirt?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Not many. Though, there was this time about twenty years ago when a mining company sent a party to do soil samples.” She sighed. “That was a big haul.”
He crinkled up his face.
“Stop it. I didn’t make the stupid rule. And for the record, I told my mother I ate some bad pygmy marmoset, so I got out of it.”
He continued crinkling his nose. It was just too disgusting for words.
“Well,” she lifted her chin, “when I’m queen, I plan to stop the practice and welcome men back into our village.”
“Good luck with that.” From what he saw, a man had to be pretty hard up to want to spend a weekend at the crazy she-farm, in their crazy cliffside she-huts, being treated like disposable sex pets. “Please be sure to leave me off the invite list.”
“No need. It’s probably all a moot point now, since I’ll be banished. The tribe will never change now, and we’ll die off. All because you were too stupid to know you were being set up.”
“You could have said something,” he pointed out.
“And betray my mother? My tribe?”
“Looks like that’s where you landed anyway,” he said.
“Yes. And thank you for that!” She shook her head at him.
He was about to say that he never asked for her help, but that would be petty. The fact was, she did help him, and now she would be ostracized. But what would possess her to turn her back on her tribe for a stranger, one she thought so little of?
“Why did you do it?” he asked.
She shrugged and looked away.
Probably just wanted a break from her mom. Couldn’t say he blamed her.
“Whatever the reason, I thank you.” Brutus got to his feet and dipped his throbbing head in gratitude. “Can’t say I’ve ever been rescued before. Let alone by a tiny feeble woman,” he joked.
A feral snarl erupted from Fina’s mouth. “Very funny, asshole.” She socked his shoulder.
“What?” He stifled a laugh, enjoying irritating her. “Clearly you are a helpless female, but luckily for you, I am here.”
She narrowed her dark eyes. “Well, this feeble creature needs food. Oh, and your dick is hanging out.”
He glanced down. All but one leaf had managed to survive the journey. He adjusted his hula skirt to hide his cock. “I’m afraid my clothes were stolen by a pack of crazed, sexually ravenous she-demons. But feel free to give me your top. I’m sure I could fashion a man-thong from it.”
“Nice try, soldier. But these beauties are reserved for the future father of the next ruler of the tribe.”
“You mean you are a virgin?” he teased.
She blushed in response.
Well, well, well… Once again, he found himself trying not to smile. His little warrior princess was a prude. “How adorable.”
“Shut up, fucker. It’s called tradition. And unlike the men of your era, I care about who I bed. I care whose sperm makes a baby inside me and who will run my tribe when I am gone. Sex. Is not. A pastime.”
He studied her for a moment. She’d taken genuine offense. Honestly, her loyalty to the ways of her people was honorable.
“My apologies, Princess Fina.” He dipped his head. “I did not mean to disrespect you or your reproductive journey.”
“Ugh.” She shook her head, grumbling something about how he could shove his “journey” up his ass. “Let’s get moving and find something to eat.”
“Sounds good.” He could definitely go for a banana or mango or whatever was available.
He turned his head to ask her what fruits were plentiful just in time to see her pull a large dagger from the waistband of her little suede bikini bottom. She threw it at a tree, her hand so fast it was nothing more than a blur. When his eyes caught up, he saw a fat, headless fur ball on the ground.
Oh. Poor thing. He winced. At least the squirrel died quickly. The head was completely removed.
“What? You don’t eat meat?” she asked, noting his frown.
He did, but he didn’t like his meals with the horror decapitation sideshow. Also, he was partial to squirrels. They were like tiny tree warriors who flew through the air. “I’m watching my cholesterol.”
“Whatever.” She grabbed her catch and quickly cleaned it.
He was about to ask if she planned to consume it raw—anything was possible when it came to these women—but before he could open his mouth, she had a stick in her hand. She grabbed a small fallen tree limb, drilled a little hole in it with the tip of her knife, and then inserted the tip of her stick. She started rubbing the stick between her palms. Sixty seconds later, there was smoke and an ember. Sixty seconds after that, she had a little fire going using some dead moss she picked off the tree beside her.
He lifted a brow. Well, that’s impressive. Especially considering they were in the rainforest and absolutely everything was wet.
Fina threw more moss and some tiny twigs atop the flames.
“Are you certain we are a safe enough distance away?” he asked. “Your people might see the smoke.”
“We’re about a mile off our lands. They won’t follow.”
He had no reason to doubt her word, but it struck him as odd that her mother would simply allow her to run off like that. Tradition or not, Fina was her daughter.
“All right. So, then, after you eat your breakfast, what’s the plan?” he asked.
“You tell me. You’re the one who showed up asking us to go with you.”
He rubbed his scruffy chin. The thing was, he didn’t know exactly where they were. “There is an old Uchben base about fifty miles north of your lands, but it’s vacated.” It was where the helicopter had dropped him off.
“Then how were you planning to get home after you came to deliver your super important message?” She made little air quotes around the words super important.
“I planned to call for a pickup with my sat phone, which is currently sitting in the backpack you took from me.”