I cannot even imagine what is happening downstairs in the mall. And there was absolutely nothing Brutus could do about any of it. He had no army, no telepathic platoon, no gods to assist.
He stood in the middle of the compound, where several walkways intersected among cactus gardens and sculptures glorifying the gods, feeling like his head might explode.
“Hi, Brutus!”
He swiveled his head to spot his favorite dark-haired beauty in her black suede bikini. “Fina!” He’d never been so relieved.
He went in to hug her, but she stepped back and held out her hand to stop him.
“Don’t. Touch. Me,” she seethed.
He frowned. “What’s the matter?”
She narrowed her eyes. “You know, I prepared an entire speech inside my head, starting with how my mother was right about men, to how it’s people like you who make living in complete isolation in the jungle sound like heaven. But you know what? I have a feeling none of it will change what a miserable, lying asshole you are, so I’ll simply leave it at… Hope one of my sisters makes you happy.” Fina turned and started marching away toward the front of the compound.
“Fina. Hey! What in the world are you talking about?” He ran and cut her off.
“Stop it. I know you lied about wanting me.”
“Is this because I refused to have sex with you? Is that what this is about?”
“No, it’s about you still being in love with Colel and lying to me. What I don’t get is why? Why pretend you didn’t want her anymore, when you simply could’ve been honest and said you still loved her but might want to fuck me anyway? Why the romance and marriage proposal?”
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, Fina.” He truly didn’t.
She folded her arms, making her breasts push up in her little top. He tried not to notice, but it wasn’t easy.
“So you have no feelings for her?” Fina seethed.
“Yes. I do, but they are feelings of loyalty and friendship. I will always care for her, but I want you.”
“Then why did you call out for her when I was getting frisky with the General.”
“When?” He frowned.
“Last night. On the plane.” She wiggled her fingers at him.
“While I slept?” Brutus was starting to understand what had happened.
“Yes.”
So that little sexy dream had been inspired by her hand. “Well, first of all, I feel a little violated. You could at least wake me up and get my consent. And second, you cannot hold a man accountable for his dreams.”
“Dreams are a window into a person’s soul and deepest desires.”
“Well, last week I dreamed that I was trapped in Cimil’s basement, and her unicorn was using my legs as chopsticks to eat giant grasshoppers. I seriously doubt that’s on my bucket list in real life. Besides, that dream with Colel wasn’t sexual. At least, not the part with her in it. I was telling her to stop touching me.”
Fina looked up at him and scratched her head behind her ear. She didn’t look convinced.
“Fina, come on. If we are going to have a real relationship—” A sex fairy zoomed by in pursuit of a furry creature in a tiny red thong.
“What the hell was that?” Fina asked.
Brutus blinked. “I think it was Big Foot. Anyway, as I was saying, if we are going to have a relationship, one that will last forever and bring endless joy to each other’s lives, then you need to start trusting me.” He took her hand and pressed it to his rapidly thumping heart. “I want you, Fina. Truly and forever.”
“You really mean it?” Her big dark eyes got glossy.
“Do you see me running off to find Colel when all hell is breaking loose?” he asked.
“No.”
“That’s right. And if Cimil is telling the truth this time, the plague might be ending, which means you and I will have eternity together. If she’s wrong, then we have hours. Either way, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Wait. Cimil said it was over?” She swiveled her head in both directions. “Sure the hell doesn’t look like it.”
“I don’t know. Minky is spinning around with something on the tarmac. Cimil said it was Minky’s mate.”
“What did the creature look like?” Fina asked.
“I have no idea. I think it’s invisible.”
“Mittens.”
“What’s a Mittens?” he asked.
“He’s kind of like our village pet, but he’s really a bloodthirsty creature that popped out of a lava-filled crevasse about two thousand years ago and sort of attached itself to us. He’s invisible and ate anything that got within a mile of our village—he’s how we’ve remained hidden from humans for so long. The Mittens name is to make him sound less scary to the children—not that we’ve had any in a long time.”
Thank the gods I never came across him. “So you have no idea what Mittens is?”
“Not really. I’ve only seen him once when he took a mud bath. The locals down the river call him the Chupacabra. Some think he looks like a kraken—he loves water and eating boats. But I think he looks more like an enormous puppy with really big fangs and tentacles. He’s kinda cute, though. That’s why I changed his name from Fiery Hellhound to Mittens.”
Jesus. Brutus cringed. That thing was Minky’s mate? He really hoped they didn’t have offspring.
“Okay, well, whatever happens next, I suggest you and I get far away from here.” Things were getting crazier by the second. “I know an ordained minister in town who also sells wonderful tacos. We can stop along the way to my place.”
Fina smiled, and it warmed his heart.
“Brutus? I’m sorry about not trusting you.”
“I understand. But there is no reason to doubt my intentions with you.”
She bobbed her head. “Hey, listen, would you mind if we skipped the marriage thing? It’s not a custom of my people, and I really just want to be with—”
An arrow whizzed by their heads.
“You get away from him!” a woman screamed from one of the rooftops.
“Let’s get out of here.” He reached for Fina’s hand, but she stepped away.
“Sonofabitch.” Fina threw her head back.
“What’s wrong now?”
“I evoked the circle,” she groaned her words.
“What’s that?”
Fina shook her head. “Do you remember that Mad Max movie, the one with Tina Turner?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m a warrior who’s fought off the apocalypse a thousand times. I own the whole Mad Max collection. Why?”
“Well, do you remember the Thunderdome?”
“Yes…?” He was beginning to sense this was not going to be good news.
“The circle is like that, but it’s not a cage. It’s made of fire, and it’s how we resolve disputes over property. Everyone wanting to stake a claim enters the ring and fights until only one woman remains standing. In this case, it’s ninety-three women. Ninety-four if you count me, too.”
“What’s the dispute?” Brutus asked, knowing he was not about to let Fina fight anyone for any reason. They needed to get the hell out of here while this whole plague apocalypse played out.