***
When Davian returned, I was anxious. I kept walking to his studio, staring at the closed door and changing my mind. I did this back and forth until Giselle marched through the corridor and I ran away. I went on with my day, with photocopying, assisting an artist with her exhibition. I returned to my cubical and a Post-it was waiting for me. I snatched the paper and stomped to his studio.
I have never been in his studio before, and his icy glare told me I was unwelcome. This was his space. It seemed too detached from everything as if I’d stepped into an empty world.
‘Did you miss me that much that you couldn’t wait to see me?’ he said with a raised eyebrow.
His tone sounded sarcastic, mocking even.
I handed him the note.
‘I can’t do this,’ I said, surprised how confident I sounded while my body twitched.
He broke eye contact. ‘This again? I don’t have time for this-‘
‘Abdel and I are back together,’ I announced.
‘Oh.’ His blue eyes went to me, then glanced down at the table. ‘What about me?’
Him? What about him? The last time I checked, he was still in a relationship. He went on a trip with her doing God knows what and he has the nerve to ask me this? It was so selfish and condescending.
‘What about you?’ I said, raising an eyebrow at him.’ You’re still with Melissa, aren’t you?’
‘I meant us?’ he said.
‘There is no us, Davian, and there never will be. I can’t sit around and wait for you to put a ridiculous Post-it on my desk. I won’t settle for second best! Is this what I am to you? A Post-it? I want more and you can’t give me that. I’m going to hand in my letter of resignation to Giselle in a few days.’
‘We talk later, okay?’ he said, giving me a hard-stern look.
Did he hear a word I just said? The nerve of this guy.
‘There won’t be a later,’ I said, walking to the door.
***
She didn’t quit, however, or never got the chance to do it. I don’t know. I go for a walk. I have no idea where I am, but my feet keep taking me forward with Lottie and Davian’s words reverberating in my mind, each piece of truth, each lie that had been told. What did he want from her? Was it his mission to torment her? That prick. Tiny droplets form a pattern on the pavement. A clap of thunder crashes in the distance. I look up at the grey sky with its low clouds. I turn and stroll all the way back.
Ella is waiting on the step, her head darting to each person who walks by. She seems rather agitated.
‘Ella?’ I say.
‘Oh,’ she says, standing up and dusting herself off. ‘I didn’t recognise you there.’
‘Yeah, well,’ I say, removing the hoodie off my head. ‘You been waiting long?’
‘About half an hour.’
‘Why didn’t you text?’
She waves her phone. ‘Battery died.’
‘Ah...’
‘Do you have a moment? I need to talk to you.’
‘Sure. You can charge your phone when we’re in,’ I say, putting the key in the door.
I unlock the door and wait for her to go in. The laptop is on the kitchen table. I grab it and take it to the bedroom.
‘Can you put the kettle on?’ I shout.
‘Yeah!’ she says.
I open the closet and place the laptop with a pile of clothes. I hear Ella moving about, flicking a lighter, humming to herself. When I emerge in the kitchen, she’s leaning by the counter, smoking. I bet she has many questions. Questions I cannot answer for her.
‘So, it is true? The police were right; there was a man,’ she says.
‘It seems like it.’
‘And is Davian that man?’ she said with distaste in her voice.
‘It could be him.’
She frowns. ‘I don’t know why she kept it from us.’
The kettle boils. ‘There is a reason why she kept it from us.’
Ella shrugs and turns her back to me and starts to help herself with the mugs and tea. ‘Because he has a girlfriend.’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s odd, I didn’t think he would... I mean, the way she spoke about him. He treated her as if she were invisible. It’s hard to believe after that she... he...’ Ella pauses and places the mug in front of me. ‘I’m hurt. I’m hurt she would do something like this. I know she had a crush on him, but to go and do what she did...’
She sits across from me and we smoke quietly. There is a look of bewilderment on Ella’s face.
‘Him? Really? Does she know? The girlfriend, I mean?’
Davian’s words echo in my mind. Lottie was a pathological liar.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Still him.’ Ella says, turning the mug so the ear is facing her. ‘Lottie was beautiful and kind.’
She was beautiful and kind? If Lottie were kind, she wouldn’t leave this laptop, this burden. She wouldn’t sleep with a man who had someone else. I can’t shake the feeling she lent me this laptop for a reason. I think she wanted me to see these videos, that somehow, she planned this. Why?
‘I’m sure that her beauty had nothing to do with it, there were plenty of stunning women who were willing to share Davian’s bed, and he never paid any attention. He didn’t associate himself with unconnected females,’ I say, mashing the cigarette in the ashtray.
Her eyes dart to me. ‘And she was connected to you?’
‘Yes. I’m getting the impression that he...’ I trail off.
She tips her teabag. ‘He?’
‘It’s nothing.’
‘Anthony!’
‘He did it to hurt me,’ I confess.
Her jaw drops. ‘But he’s your best friend? Friends don’t do that to each other.’
I shake my head. ‘We are... I mean, we were close, but in time, we drifted apart.’
‘Why?’
‘Didn’t you have friends that you were close with and then you stop hearing from them or meeting them?’ I say, lighting another cigarette.
She thinks for a moment. ‘Sometimes.’
‘It kind of happened with Davian. He had Melissa and he was constantly travelling and he’s a bit of a hermit.’
‘A hermit who was having an affair with our friend,’ Ella points out. ‘That explains why she left Abdel.’
‘In those months when she broke up with Abdel throughout... her last days, did you notice any difference in her behaviour at all?’ I ask.
‘No, not really.’
‘He denies it though,’ I say. ‘The affair.’
‘Of course, he’ll deny it.’
‘No, but...’
Ella scowls at me. ‘Don’t tell me you believe him.’
‘I don’t know who to believe,’ I grumbled.
‘The police came to talk to me again,’ Ella says.
‘They came to speak to me too.’
‘Did they ask you if Lottie owned a laptop?’
This hangs in the air, but I hold her gaze. Careful, I think to myself, one false move and she’ll know I’m up to something. ‘No, not about the laptop. But they told me Lottie bought a gun registered under her name.’
‘Yes, they told me that too. I mean Lottie buying a gun? She must have been afraid of something.’