“No, it’s alright. I’m happy you came.” It was true. Dee had been quite busy these past few days and she didn't really like it when Timmy and I went to see her. The area was too dangerous. Before I’d had no choice, but now that I did, she didn't want me there at all.
I missed having an adult conversation and especially with Lea. She was astute and non-judgmental.
“I’m taking Timmy to feed the ducks and to grab some food at the van. Want to join?”
“Duck feeding and greasy street food?!” She snorted. “It’s a given!”
I laughed as we started to walk down the mostly quiet street to the park. Despite it being summer, it was a weekday and past the standard lunchtime for workers.
As we walked, I couldn't help but notice again the striking differences between Lea and her brothers. Edward, despite being one of the kindest, most sensitive souls I’d ever met, had been broken beyond repair. And Dean, despite his air of authority and dismissive attitude, was probably even more broken than his brother had been. I suspected the iceman he was, hadn’t been something he’d been born into, but rather, it was something he had become out of necessity.
Lea seemed so normal, so functional, so...untouched by all of the darkness that seemed to follow her brothers around.
“How’s Susan?” I asked as we entered the park and settled at my favorite table. It was an equal distance between the vans and the river and shaded by a large cedar tree.
“She’s good, although a bit disappointed she won’t see Timmy today.”
“She can always join us later.” I liked Susan. I’d met her when she’d come with Lea to visit Timmy at the hospital. Despite an aura of seriousness surrounding her, she was actually quite warm. Plus, she’d adored Timmy straight away, which made her a keeper in my books.
I’d wondered why I had not met her before, but I’d realized quite quickly that it was because she wasn’t a fan of Dean.
“No, unfortunately, she can’t.” She leaned back in her chair. “There’s a dinner after the seminar that we have to attend.” She looked at Timmy, who was engrossed in his ducks
watching. “But I was thinking maybe you and Timmy could come spend the weekend at our house? We’re only thirty minutes upstate and we have a pool and everything.” She shrugged. “You could relax for a couple of days and let us fuss and spoil our golden child. What do you think?”
I laughed and nodded. “That sounds like a dream. I’m in.”
“Good, Susan will be happy.” She looked at the vans. “So what are we getting? My treat!”
I stood up, shaking my head. “Nonsense. You just invited me over for a weekend. Let me treat you.” I jerked my head toward the stroller. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know, surprise me. I’m not that familiar with street food, I have to admit.”
“No problem. I’ll get us something good.”
I got us some tostadas, with fries and a few churros for dessert.
When I came back, she had Timmy on her knees and he was beaming at her.
“You know, I know he’s Eddie’s son, but...” She trailed off, tilting her head to the side.
“He looks a lot like Dean,” I confirmed her unspoken thought. I’d started to notice that too, more and more, but I wasn’t sure if it was real or if I was only seeing what I wanted to see because I missed the man.
“Does Dean think so too?” she asked, still keeping her eyes on Timmy’s face.
I shrugged. “I don't think he knows. Babies change a lot at his age and Dean hasn’t seen him in over three weeks.”
“He hasn’t…” She frowned, clearly displeased by that fact. She shook her head before looking down at the food. “Damn, you’ve spoiled us.”
I shrugged. “It will go down without a problem, trust me.” I was grateful for the change of subject.
As we started eating, Timmy kept trying to grab our food.
“I think he’s hungry too. His appetite has increased greatly since his recovery.” I was so pleased with that too. Pulling my chair back, “I’ll give him his applesauce.”
She shook her head. “Nope, finish your food. I want to feed him.”
I nodded.
“Is Jeremy taking good care of my nephew?” she asked, adjusting Timmy on her knees.
I rested my sandwich back on the table and wiped my hands, for some reason uncomfortable at the subject of Jeremy Hunt even though I had no reason to be so. “No, he referred me to a pediatrician here. He is a surgeon. It’s also better to have someone close and-” I shrugged.
“And?” she asked, but I knew from her tone that she knew where I’d been going with that.
“He asked me out...Jeremy,” I admitted, reaching for a French fry on my plate.
She nodded as she fed Timmy his applesauce. “I’ve known Jeremy for years; he is a good man.”
I looked away, watching a young couple walking hand in hand. “Yes, he is,” I admitted. And yet, his kind smiles, sweet words, and boyish charms didn’t do anything for me.
No, for me it was only severe lines, cold emerald eyes, and a commanding voice that made my heart flutter.
I sighed. Why was I like this?
“You know, for what it’s worth, liking Dean is okay too.”
Startled, I turned toward her.
She shrugged.
“Dean is commanding, cold, unfeeling…” I shook my head.
She shook hers too. “He’s not -” She let out a snort. “He is most of those things, but not unfeeling, never unfeeling...quite the contrary actually. He’s tried very hard to stop feeling, but he can’t and it terrifies him.” She reached for my hand. “I don't know what he did to you and I’m sure it’s bad, but whatever he did, it was out of desperation and fear, that I’m sure.”
“Fear?”
She nodded. “Fear of the feelings you woke up in him, and as you know, fear makes you do things that are out of character.”
I frowned at her assessment. I didn’t know where she was going with this. Dean Beaumont was not a frightened man.
Lea put Timmy back in his stroller and turned toward me.
“Are you a liar, Amber?” “
“What?” I was taken aback by the question. “No, of course not.”
“I didn't think so. And yet, look how far into deception you went just out of fear of losing Timmy.”
“That’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” She cocked her head to the side. “Why is that?”
“Because - because” I looked at Timmy. “Because Timmy is a human being.”
She nodded. “Yes, but fear is fear, isn’t it? Can you actually put a scale on fear? Some are more irrational than others, true, but when you feel it, it doesn't matter does it?” She sat back down and adjusted her sunglasses. I felt like I was having an outdoor therapy session. “You can be scared of height and I could be scared of killer clowns.”
“That’s scary,” I admitted.
She chuckled. “I know. Watching IT with Susan has been one of my biggest mistakes.” She waved her hand dismissively. “But that’s not the point. One fear is clearly much more irrational than the other and yet, for the person suffering from it, it feels just the same.”