His sincerity is one of the reasons I was attracted to him. Sure, he was cocky. Sure, he could have had any woman in the bar. And sure, he’s like Visine drops—easy on the eyes, but he also lived in Nevada and I live…well, lived…in Texas.
I packed up everything I had and with stopping every four hours for an hour, I made it here in thirty-six hours. But now I don’t know if I’ll stay.
Kash looks like he’s been slapped with a bag of bricks. His eyes swim in his sockets, wandering aimlessly like his mind is rolling with questions and fears.
I want to touch him and remember how his skin feels under my fingers. I’d never met a more moisturized man. He said it’s so he doesn’t get fissures in his skin, which is dangerous as a tattoo artist working around needles and open wounds. I believed him. A little scary.
He holds up his hands in front of him. “Jolie…” my name is tight and honestly, a little harsh from his mouth.
What did I expect? That he’d just
I back away from him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude on your life. We’ll go.” I grab her carrier. “Can you write down Naomi’s address?”
“I don’t know it.”
“Oh… I guess I’ll just get a hotel room then.”
He steps in front of me. “No. You won’t. Give me five to clean up and I’ll pull my truck around and you can follow me to my place. I know you want to see Cray, but baby, we have an actual baby to talk about.”
“Kash…” I shake my head, but when he steps close, his cologne and his darkening eyes, a storm behind them, it makes me stop. He slides a warm hand behind my neck, my braid laying over his hand.
His lips press to my forehead and I lean into the affectionate move. For being a massive man, he’s a teddy bear.
“I don’t’ know what’s here, Jolie, but I sure as shit know what’s not—the end.”
4
Kash
My sanctuary is now invaded by a dog and a cat, and a very cranky baby. Mini-Cray in the making? I chuckle as Jolie hands me what looks like a tent in a zip pouch.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. What’s this?”
“It’s her playpen. Can you set it up?”
I open un zip the outer carrier and pull out two pieces. It looks like an octopus to me. I start to pull the edges away and zing! “Ow!”
“Yeah, you gotta be careful, those things bite.”
I shake my hand. “And I have to use this hand to earn a living.” My ring finger throbs.
She grabs the tips of fingers and lifts my hand to her mouth, placing a soft kiss on the throbbing digit. “Sorry. If you’ll get her out of her car seat, I’ll get this set up. Didn’t realize it took an engineering degree.”
“Which you have right?”
“Mechanical engineer at your service. But don’t feel bad, I’ve been pinched about ten times in six weeks now.”
I look at the car seat contraption. How does anyone know how to do this stuff?
I finally figure out the harness and how it all clicks together—NASA created it, I’m totally positive of that. And then I look at the tiny body.
“Is there a good way to…you know…pick it up?”
I hear four clicks and a whoosh behind me and when I look back, the whole thing is set up. A baby jail is what it looks like to me.
She reaches down and supporting the tiny crying body, lifts the baby out. And at that moment, how inept I really am at this hits me square in the chest like a baseball. I crumple in a little.
Do I want to be good at this?
I’ve never considered I might be a father and until Jolie, I took precautions that said I wouldn’t. I don’t know what about her made me throw caution to the wind. I’m not supposed to. We have to be ultra careful about not having any STDs or STIs working at the shop. We’re tested frequently and thus far, clean, clean, clean.
I stare at the tiny body in her arms as she sits on the couch.
“I’ve got to feed her,” she says quietly.
“Is there a bottle?” I ask to help warm it up.
And before I can say anything else, she lifts her shirt, unhooks a latch and as much as I tell myself to look away, this isn’t yours to look at, I can’t help but see the beauty in the moment, and nothing sexual. She’s giving life to our daughter—still. She carried the tiny being, and now she’s feeding her. Nourishing that cranky little body to be a happy little munchkin.
I straighten up the bags and sit on the floor, letting Jolie’s dog lick my face.
“Shih Tzu?” I ask her and she nods while snuggling Jess in closer. “Name?”
“Briar Rose.”
I cringe. “Seriously.”
“Hey…” She puts her hand over the baby’s ear. “Fucking serious. I’m a huge Disney fan. That’s Sleeping Beauty’s name that the fairies gave her.”
“How old are you?”
She looks young, but she has a degree in mechanical engineering.
“Twenty-nine.”
That’s not that young.
“Briar Rose, huh?” I scratch the dog’s chin and she crawls onto my lap.
“I’d say you made a friend.”
The tiny black and white mottled dog is filling some void from losing my dog. The cat’s in hiding and I don’t blame it. I’m almost considering finding a corner and reexamining a lot of shit in my life, too.
I lift off the dog as Jolie moves the baby to her shoulder and I sit next to her on the sofa. I recently upgraded, taking my buddy Lynx—who used to be an interior designer—to find something more me, over the plaid college hand-me-down that I originally had. He set me up good. The sofa has two recliners built into the ends and a nice soft chenille fabric that envelops a person. It’s comfy and stylish, but more of the first.
“Um…can I try?” I ask.
She throws a rectangle of cloth over my shoulder and then gentle places the baby to my chest. Her tiny head bobs up and little and I clasp to secure her to me.
I move my hand against her back slowly.
“She likes it a little faster.”
I rub a little faster and in seconds, a hearty release comes out. “Whoa…impressive.”
I cup her neck and carefully bring her down to face me, cradled in between my legs on my lap. She smiles.
“Reflex. Babies don’t really smile until after six weeks.”
“Then it could be a real smile.” I lean down to Jess and whisper, “I think Momma’s a little jealous that you smiled at me.”
“Not jealous. Just honest.”
“She’s gorgeous, Jolie.”
She adjusts her shirt. “I know. Kash, I really wanted to call you, but…”
“Yeah, we said no numbers.”
“But I could have called Payne, and I’m sure he would have gotten a message to you, but then I got,” she closes her eyes and I miss that sapphire blue. I hope Jess has her eyes over my brown ones.
“Got what?”
“Scared.”
“About?”
“Lots of things, but mainly that you wouldn’t want anything to do with us.”