“And why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
“Because the websites say that breastfed babies will take a bottle better if they’re touching skin. Just like they say exhaustion isn’t good for you.”
“Oh…”
He’s making an effort. One that I’m kind of creeped out by, but when I put away the odd feeling, the underlying is hope.
“Yeah…”
I remember what those muscles felt like under my hands. Under my body. Under my fast beating heart.
“Jolie?”
I hear him but I keep staring. I can see him coming closer but my vision blurs. Exhaustion is a real possibility.
“Baby, you’re going to need to accept help. And I’m willing to help, so take it.”
“But what if—”
“We’ll face that later.” One of his hands wraps around my shoulders and the other lifts my chin up. When I look into his eyes, I can see more than the amazing hazel he was born with. I see sincerity and the same desire as that fateful night.
“Thank you…” I whisper as his lips near mine.
“We haven’t even kissed, for you to be thankful.”
I smile and he presses his lips to mine. I feel him shiver against me and it makes me wonder if he’s as affected. Stars shoot behind my eyes and just when I’m starting to moan we both hear, “Burp!”
He pulls back with a laugh. “Definitely sounds like me.”
I roll my eyes. “She’s a healthy eater and burper.”
“Why don’t I take her and you take a shower?”
“Do I stink?”
“Not at all, but you have an issue…”
His eyes drop down and I know before I look down. It’s been too long from when I nursed last. Mother Nature has bad timing.
“I’ll nurse her a little and then put her down for a nap.”
His fingers delicately brush waves of hair from my face. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”
“You don’t have—”
His lips claim mine again and when he parts from me, I miss him so much, and he presses his forehead to mine. “I want to.”
I exit the bedroom after a long hot shower. Clean everything feels like a fresh start. But all the scrubbing on the outside can’t erase the problems on the inside.
Today, moving fifteen hundred miles away from the life I’ve always known seems a little…
Stupid.
Presumptuous.
Nothing like me.
But this year has been nothing like me. I’m tired of waiting. I want to make something come true.
He’s filling plates when I step into the kitchen.
“That smells amazing.”
“I can cook eggs, bacon, and toast, and…about nothing else. Can you have coffee?”
“I can, but I choose not to. I got off it while pregnant and I just never went back.”
He nods. “I don’t drink it, but I made a pot.”
I take a step back. “If you don’t drink it, why do you have a container of coffee?”
He looks over at it. “Last girlfriend…”
Caution crawls my spine. “And how long ago was she?”
“Almost a year.”
“So right before me?”
He sits the plates down. “Yes.”
“Shit. Was I a rebound?” My heart clips faster in my chest, and I thought it was because of his cologne. Maybe that caution was well warranted.
Kash steps close and he doesn’t touch me. But his smile is like a touch. I can feel it. My skin reaches for him. It wants to be touched, to be cherished.
“Jolie, you were not a rebound. That night was so much more than I ever expected. And in my life I’ve had a lot of less. That last girlfriend gave me less than all of her. I’m ready for more…I’m ready for it all.”
“But are you sure it’s not just having me here and…Jess.”
He steps back. “I haven’t been with anyone since we were together.”
I swallow. The news creating a clump of questions in my throat. “Why not?”
“Because I kept thinking about you. You told me you thought one night was for the best, so I respected that. But I think we both know that one night wasn’t enough. Not even close.”
“You thought about me?” I can feel the heat coming off of him. Having him near makes me lightheaded and I press my hand to his bare chest to steady myself.
His hands clasp my hips and I instinctively move into him. My body a magnet to him. I slide my hands up his chest, around his thick neck. The tattoos under my hands seem to jump. I swear his moan is a rumble, deep and vibrating.
“I thought of you here…” his lips press to the place where my pulse beats against my skin on my neck. “And I thought of you…” his nose runs along jawline. “Here.”
His hands lower on my body to my hips and he pulls me flush to him. “And there.” A hardness notches into my softness through my short. His mouth claims mine.
And I feel him everywhere. I pulse for him.
Ding-dong.
“Damn…I’ll get rid of whoever it is.” He says against my lips as he pulls away. “I’ll be right back. You start eating. There’s orange juice in the fridge.”
I grab a glass of water. I haven’t ventured out of water since Jess was born. I try to eat clean and drink clean, but man I’d love a glass of wine soon.
I sit at the four-person table and boots thud on the entryway tile. Motorcycle boots. Teddy. Even when he was in high school he drove a motorcycle every day. Being five years younger than him, I still remember the rumble.
“I found a short-term rental for Jolie.”
“Maybe she might want to find her own place,” Kash offers with a firm but exploratory tone.
“I’ll talk to her about it. And it really doesn’t involve you.”
I hear Jess cry down the hallway and I shove another bite of eggs in my mouth before rising from the chair. I’ve always had a roundness on my frame and I remember my mom being the same and after being pregnant everything is a little rounder. And I’m not hating it.
“I’ll go get her.” Kash offers, meeting me before the hallway and Teddy stops.
I have to stop thinking of my brother as Teddy. He’s Cray. That’s what he wants to go by. He’s not the same guy I knew growing up. He’s changed and our lives have changed.
“Thanks,” I offer. The trust I put in him seems fast, but I’m going to trust him until he shows me otherwise.
Cray watches Kash disappear into the room. “Everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine.”
He crosses his arms on his chest and stands soldier still. “I found a place for you and the baby.”
“Jess…is her name. And we have a place right here, Te—
Cray.”
“You can’t stay here forever. Kash isn’t someone who wants a baby and woman living with him.” He looks around the room, like there are ghosts in the corners he’s giving the evil-eye to. He’s so different than I remember. He was so fun in our youth. He’d take me fishing and hiking. I really wonder if we’re family or just strangers.
He shakes his head. “Kash has a life and not one conducive to having a stranger living with him or a baby, for that matter.”