Jess grips my finger in her tiny grasp and I stare at those tiny fingers.
“Of course I’d want to be involved with my child.”
She cringes. “I need to tell you something.”
“There’s a twin?” I ask jokingly, but she doesn’t laugh. “What is it?”
“There was another guy around the same time.”
And those eight words send my world into a spin.
5
Jolie
I have to be honest with him. I’m 99% sure this baby is his, but there was another man.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but he used protection and it seemed fine, but…” A long line of shivers runs my spine. I don’t want it to be true. I want this man. The one my heart fell in love with seven days later to be the one.
“Oh.”
That’s it. That’s all he says. And then there’s a pounding on the door that makes Jess scream out with a startle.
“Shit. I texted Cray. I’m going to assume Mr. Crabby is here.” Kash blows out a long breath. “Can you take her and I’ll get that?”
I pick Jess up. In my heart I know this baby is his, but will he only accept her if his DNA is in Jess’s heart, too?
The door creaks as it opens. His two bedroom stucco sided home is probably from the fifties, it’s got curved entry and doorways and the kitchen is galley style. The tile floors are cold under my feet, but overall it’s in beautiful condition, and cleaner than I would have expected. But Kash seems to understand the need for cleanliness and safety.
I blow out a long breath and then I hear the voice.
“She’s here?”
My brother. The man who thinks I hold a grudge against him when in reality he holds the grudge against himself.
He pushes past Kash. “Why didn’t you call me?!”
I shout-whisper at him, “Teddy, stop yelling. You’re going to scare your niece.”
I hear Kash chuckle the word “Teddy” and my brother, who apparently goes by Cray now, glares at him.
But when he catches sight of Jess, I swear I see a 250 pound man turn into a soft and teddy bear. Fitting.
His jaw slackens quickly and his head tips. “My niece?”
“Yes. This is Jessica I don’t want to put Kash under Teddy’s scrutiny. Plus, Teddy’s his boss. Kash has a lot on the line. Lynn Creager…” I decide not to say Kash’s last name.
Kash is a big guy, but Teddy is bigger and I rise from the sofa and get in front of Kash. He certainly won’t hurt me, but I wouldn’t trust him alone with Kash. My brother’s past has changed him. It changed both of us.
After watching our mother take our father’s abuse for years, Teddy stepped in the middle of a quarrel, watched our mother die, and fought our father for a gun. It went off, killing our father. We lost both parents on the same day.
I wasn’t there, I was at a friend’s house. Teddy was seventeen, two months from eighteen. He joined the military. I went to our maternal grandparents and Teddy supported me until I told him to stop when I turned eighteen. He still sent me money and I saved it. I have a nice nest egg to return to him.
But right now, there are more important things to talk about. And there’s still questions in Kash’s eyes. Things I want to answer for him.
I swear Jess looks like him, but I need him to take a DNA test. The other guy won’t do it. I asked and he acted like nothing ever happened between us. And my contracting job ended when I had Jess, so sitting on my couch in Houston, Texas, I decided I wanted to be near family. The next day two of my girlfriend’s and their significant others came over, loaded up a U-Haul, I attached it to my SUV and after a long feeding and new diaper, I put Jess in her car seat and I drove away from the only state I’d ever lived in, hoping to find a future here in Kildare.
But what if I’m wrong?
Teddy sits next to me. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have helped you.”
“I know, but I can help myself, Teddy.”
He looks to Kash. “Thanks for helping her.”
Oh he’s done more than help me.
Kash shoves his hands into his jeans pockets and rocks in his loafers. “No problem.” His eyes tell me he’s grateful I haven’t told Teddy the truth.
But the truth is a tricky thing. There’s the truth I know right now that I want Jess to be Kash’s daughter and I want Kash.
And there’s the truth that’s unknown. Both if he is and if he wants to be.
But first…my brother.
6
Kash
I sit in the kitchen, trying not to hear their conversation. It’s tense. And it makes my shoulders tighten painfully. When Cray finds out I slept with his sister it’s gonna be real tense.
But she doesn’t tell him. He doesn’t even ask who the father is. I think he’s so concerned with why she’s there that he can’t see past that.
She’s twenty-nine. She’s not that pre-teen he remembers from when he left for the Army. He told me all about what happened. It’s part of Cray’s recent therapy. Something that I probably should be in right about now.
A baby. A baby who might be mine.
Cray stands. “I’m sorry. Yesterday, I moved in with Naomi, and her daughters Eve and Zoe are home right now for the summer. We’re full up at her place…our place. I’ll get you a hotel room and then we’ll find you an apartment this next week.”
And now I have to make a choice.
I stand and step back around the corner. “She can stay here. I have plenty of room and the baby’s stuff is already here, and the animals. It’s going to be hard to find a hotel to take a cat and a dog.”
Jolie’s hopeful eyes meet mine.
Cray runs a hand through his hair. “Are you sure? We could just leave the animals here.”
Jolie speaks up. “I can’t leave Briar Rose. She’s already freaked out enough. And Rascal won’t come out probably for days now. Sorry, Kash.”
“No worries, Jolie.”
Jess starts to cry.
“She probably needs to eat before I finally put her down. Honestly, I’m exhausted. I just want to hit the bed and sleep until she wakes me up again.”
Cray nods me toward the sliding door to the back patio. “Outside.”
Figures.
I pull it open and motion for him to go first.
Jolie starts feeding Jess and mouths “Good luck” to me.
“Thanks,” I mouth back.
I’m frozen by the beauty she is. The way she looks at Jess. The way she kisses her forehead.
Those are things I never had as a child. My mother left my father when I was four and I never saw her again. That’s why I’m here in Kildare. I found out she lives here four years ago and when I saw an ad for artist online for the new opening of Cray’s place, I decided to take a chance. But I haven’t had the guts to take a chance to go see my mom. She remarried, two more kids, and I think one from his family. I want to know why she never came back for me. Why she didn’t call me. Why she just wasn’t there.
But I can tell Jolie will be there for Jess.