When she arrived, he was sitting in the living room, a glass in one hand and the remote in the other. She was surprised to see that a bottle of booze was sitting on the counter.
"Hey, are you drinking?" she asked.
"Well, hello to you too!" he retorted.
"Hello Luke," she greeted him again, as she reached down and kissed him. "Are you drinking?"
"Yes, yes I am," he responded. "Do you have a problem with that?
"Of course not, I'm just surprised, that's all," she answered. "I drink so why would I have a problem if you do?"
"Good,"
It wasn't quite the start to their evening she had imagined, but she decided to ignore that and move forward.
"What's for supper?" she asked.
"I don't know, I thought maybe we could order pizza," he mentioned.
"Okay," she responded, although she had been under the impression he was going to be cooking. "Pizza it is."
He grabbed his phone and punched a number in that he appeared to have memorized. Once he had finished ordering, he turned to her and asked if pepperoni was okay with her.
"Sure, I like any pizza as long as it doesn't have anchovies," she answered with a laugh.
"It'll be here in about 30 minutes," he informed her.
They sat on the couch, watching a show that was on the TV. Olivia wasn't sure what show it was, as she was too busy trying to get a sense of what kind of mood Luke was in. He seemed remote but there was nothing she could put her finger on. He had said he would make dinner and instead ordered pizza, but so what? He had ordered the pizza without asking what she wanted, but that was no big deal, right? He was just so quiet, and she had anticipated he would be as happy to see her as she was to see him.
Trying to capture his attention, she snuggled down next to him, placed her hand on his knee and kissed his neck. She was shocked when he pulled away.
"Look, this isn't a good time," he protested.
"What isn't a good time?" she asked, confused.
"Now isn't a good time," he stated.
"What do you mean now isn't a good time?" she pushed. "I thought we were having a nice evening together."
"Well, there was a misunderstanding," he said. "I have plans later tonight so let's just wait for the pizza."
Olivia sat in amazed silence. What had happened? She knew they had made plans for the evening and now he was saying he wasn't even going to be home? She didn't know what to say to him. Her face began to burn, and she wished the floor would open up and swallow her. How had she gotten it so wrong? But she knew she hadn't, and his behavior didn't make any sense.
"What is happening Luke, why are you being like this?" she asked.
"Like what?" he asked.
"We had made plans to spend tonight together," she said. "I didn't imagine that, why did you make other plans?"
"Something came up," he insisted. "Look, if this is the way things are going to be, then maybe we need to just move on."
The air left her body, and she felt the world around her shift. This couldn't be happening. Not again. What had she done wrong? Myriad thoughts were whirling around in her head, but she sat quietly on the couch, staring at him in disbelief.
He sat back on the couch and took a long drink out of his glass. She noticed that the ice in his glass was barely melted and she wondered how long he had been drinking. She looked around at his living room, immaculate except for the wet glass ring on his coffee table and the newspaper spread out beside it. She felt surreal, as though the world had visibly slowed down.
Just then, the doorbell rang, and he jumped up to greet the pizza delivery boy. Paying for the pizza, he dropped it on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to get napkins. When he came back, she was standing at the front window, looking out. He sat down on the couch and pulled a slice of pizza out of the box. She turned and looked at him, amazed that he was so calmly going about life. Did he not realize what he was doing to her?
"Luke, what's happening?" she finally managed to say. He looked at her for a while, and then sighed deeply and set his slice of pizza down.
"Look, I don't know what's happening, I just know I made plans for tonight, I'm sorry if you misunderstood and thought we had plans for the entire night. I thought we were having a bite to eat," he stated.
"But we haven't seen each other in a few days," she pointed out. "I was looking forward to spending the evening with you; I thought you felt the same way."
Luke looked at her and shrugged his shoulders as though in resignation.
"We don't seem to have had the same expectations for the night then," Luke responded.
She swallowed the lump she felt in her throat and closed her eyes to force the tears back. What had happened to their wonderful night? What was happening to them?
"It would appear we have had some miscommunication," she agreed after a while. "I will just be going now."
"Aren't you going to have some pizza first?" he asked.
"No, I'm not going to have some pizza first," she answered, her voice rising.
"Come on, Olivia, don't get mad," Luke said.
"I'm not mad, I'm disappointed," she answered.
"You sound mad to me," he countered.
"Okay, yes I'm mad!" she retorted. "I'm mad that I feel like you're jerking me around! One minute I'm the love of your life, the next minute you want your space, then you don't want to get married and then you want to elope!"
He stood gazing at her for a long time. He looked as though he was trying to figure out what to say but had no idea what words to use.
"I'm not jerking you around," he finally answered. "I don't know why I feel this way, one minute you ARE the love of my life but then the next day I do need my space."
"You're messed up!" she cried out.
"I know," he said.
They stood staring at each other, at an impasse. After a while, Luke reached out and gathered her in his arms. She felt his muscular chest under her hands, and a sob broke free from her body. How could she live without this man? How could she continue living this way though? Never knowing what he was thinking or what mood he would be in, from one day to the next? Finally, she pulled herself away.
"So, is this it then?" she asked.
"I think so," he answered. "I tried. I thought if we slowed down, then I would feel better about things, but it hasn't helped."
"Okay, I'm going then," she said as she turned and walked out the door.
Chapter Forty-Six
She
P ulling onto the driveway, she thrust the car into park, leaned back in her seat and looked at their house. Some of the lights were on, including the front porch light. Small moths and various insects surged around the light, bouncing off of it, only to rush headlong at the tantalizing glow once again. The house looked so ordinary. So, every-day. How many times over the years had she pulled up to it just like this? Coming home late from work, arriving from a night of visiting friends, or hauling the kids back from a game when they were still at home.