My heart pounds as I keep searching the crowd.
“He’s not here?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Sorry. He left a while ago.”
“I have to go.” I wave the letter in his face. “I have to find him.”
“Lily, he’s not—”
I push through the crowd, back outside. I can’t breathe.
“Slow your roll.” Hud grabs me around the waist. “Lily, he’s not here.”
“I have to see him.”
“He’s not at the bar or at home or in the state, Lily. He’s not here. He won’t be back for a while.”
“He’s not? Where is he? You know, don’t you? Tell me.”
“I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to.” He hugs me tight.
I collapse against his chest. Sob into it. “How am I supposed to tell him that I love him and I’m coming back as soon as I can if he isn’t here?”
“It’ll be okay.” Hud squeezes me. “You’ll see. But there’s nothing you can do right now. So why don’t we go inside and say goodbye to all your friends. We’ve only got a few short hours until we have to be at the airport.”
I use the heels of my palms to dry my eyes without smudging my second application of makeup for the evening. “Okay.”
I sail through the rest of the night on autopilot. Laugh at Hud. Reminisce with Lewis. Dance with Kiki. Hide how much it hurts that the one man I want to see with every fiber of my being isn’t here to see me off.
Hud buys me a Big Bite and orange Gatorade, then we go back to my apartment to collect my suitcases. We get to the airport with plenty of time. I check my bags and we buy coffee in paper cups. Drink it while we tease each other about how much we’ll miss each other.
He walks me to the security checkpoint and I pull out my paperwork so that I’ll be able to show my ID to the security agent once I join the line. “This is it.”
He hugs me one more time. “I’m so proud of you, Lily.”
I’ve cried so much these past weeks I wouldn’t think it possible to squeeze out any more liquid, and yet my eyes get blurry. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Be good. Be kind. Be smart,” he tells me.
“All right.” I squeeze him one last time. “I’ve got to go.”
He smiles as I join the line, bending to remove my shoes.
I smile back. I just wish I’d seen Vale tonight.
“Oh.” Hud pats his pocket. Pulls out an envelope. Holds it up for me to see. “I almost forgot this.”
My breath stalls in my chest. “Is that what I think it is?”
“The final letter,” he says as I run back to him and hold my hand out for it. He doesn’t drop it into my hand immediately. Holds it just out of reach. “I’m supposed to make you promise not to read it until you’re on the plane. In your seat.”
“Give it to me.” I try to snatch it away from him.
“Promise me you won’t open it until you’re seated.”
“Fine. I promise.”
“And?” He makes a winding motion with his finger.
“I promise I won’t read it until I’m on the plane and in my seat,” I grumble. The asshole knows I’ll keep that promise.
He hands me the envelope. Smiles. “Now go take over L.A., kiddo.”
***
Hey, pretty girl.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight while you said goodnight to your friends and our Line Em Up family. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to toast your success and tell you how amazing you are. I wanted to hold you close and laugh with you about whatever ridiculous thing Hud said or did.
It’s all I’ve wanted these past weeks while we’ve been apart. To tell you how proud I am of you for being so fearless. To hold you and kiss you and tell you how much I love you.
But the thing is, I know you, Lily. I know that you love bananas and have freezing cold toes. You only like the orange Gatorade. You’re sassy as hell, and I adore that about you. You will always beat my ass in Injustice.
You also love twice as hard as anyone else. And when you’re hurt you feel it deeper than anyone I know.
I knew it would take you time to be ready to read all my letters. And when you finished reading them, if you forgave me, if you were willing to give me another chance to try and be that guy you need me to be, then you’d be willing to throw L.A. away to protect me from everything you’ve now learned.
Because that’s who you are. You fight for what you want and for the people that matter to you. And I couldn’t let you do that for me. That’s why this time I’m fighting for you. Because you matter to me, and what you want matters to me.
I know right now this probably doesn’t make much sense. But I promise you, it will.
I love you, Lily.
I’ll see you soon.
Vale
***
I take a deep breath as I roll my suitcases through the checkpoint. It’s almost 10 a.m. and I could murder my brother for a good cup of coffee and a donut. I thought I’d sleep on the plane. After all, it was a six hour flight.
Instead I read Vale’s letter over and over. Tried to decipher it. Tried to read between the lines. I just want to turn around. Hop back on a plane and fly home. Wait for him in his apartment until he comes back. At least I’d be surrounded by him. His scent. Our memories. I need to tell him that I understand why it was so hard for him to let down his walls.
I called him when the plane landed, but it went straight to voicemail. My texts haven’t registered a read receipt in days. So I head for the exit along with a huddle of business executives, a young couple who can’t keep their hands off each other, a mother with a baby sleeping on her chest and a toddler in a stroller, and a heap of other people.
I pull out my phone to call Hud. To tell him I’ve arrived safely at LAX. To ask him why Vale left me another letter instead of being there last night. He gave me the letter. He has to know.
Up ahead a sign catches my eye. My name is scrawled across it.
My heart stops as I gaze into Vale’s blue eyes. Take in the nervous smile on his face.
I stumble to a stop.
Someone bumps into me as they’re forced to change trajectory to move around me. The impact knocks me two steps forward.
My heart resumes its beat as time catches up with us. I’m sniffling again as I run toward Vale. One of my suitcases falls and I abandon them both.
His smile broadens and he holds his arms out wide.
I jump into his arms and he catches me with those big, strong hands I’ve missed so much. I wind my legs around his hips and cling to him.
“Lily.” He breathes my name like it’s a prayer.
“What are you doing here?” I’m breathless with the shock of seeing him.
“I live here,” he says.
“What?” I wipe the wetness from my nose with the back of my hand.
“I live in L.A.” His forehead is pressed against mine. His smile breaks like a perfect summer day.
“No.” He can’t move here for me. I press my lips against his. Taste my salty tears along with him. I don’t know how I survived without touching him. The last time we were together feels like an eon ago. “You live in Chicago. I can’t ask you to move here for me. Your family. I understand how hard it is for you to be here. I’m going to tell Carlan—”