I check my outfit in the mirror on the back of my closet door. Smooth my hand over the little black playsuit with gold details. Fluff my violet hair that I’ve done up in waves.
“Come on, Lil. Pep up.” I smile at myself, but my heart isn’t in it. Three weeks later and I still want to crawl into bed and cry a river. My phone rings from the front of the apartment and I grab my lace up heeled booties with the peep toes. Scurry through the living space.
My bag is on its usual hook. My phone is on the console. I snag the device and put it to my ear as I hunt through my bag for my favorite mauve lipstick. “Hey, this is Lily.”
“Hi Lily,” an unfamiliar female voice says. “I’m Arwen.”
“Arwen.” I uncap the lipstick. “Why is that name so familiar?”
“I’m Vale’s sister.”
“Holy shit. You’re Vale’s sister.” I drop the lipstick. It rolls into a stack of paperwork that still needs to be tossed into a storage box. “Wait? Why are you calling me?”
“Because Vale gave me your number,” she says as though that makes all the sense in the world.
“What?” I brace myself against the end of the console. Unfortunately, that upsets the weight and the whole thing upends along with me. I’m on my knees with my belongings scattered around me. “Ouch. Fuck.”
“Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
“I…” I scratch my forehead. “Sorry, why are you calling?”
“Vale told me that you’re moving to the city and that you might need a friend out here while you’re getting settled. He told me what happened between you,” she says. “I’ve never heard my brother talk about anyone like he talks about you.”
“We’re not together,” I say as I shuffle through the papers for my lipstick tube. His writing stares up at me from the envelope numbered “2.”
“I know,” she says. “He explained. Everything.”
“I don’t know what that means.” I pick up the envelope. It’s slim but weighty. I’m not sure I understand entirely what happened. We were together and then he ripped the rug out from under me and I’ve been scrambling to get my bearings ever since.
“I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I would like to be your friend. You’ve got my number now. Call or text any time. If you need anything.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” She sounds so lovely and I am going to be alone in the city for the first time. It might be nice to have someone close by. But she’s Vale’s sister and that’s weird.
“Lily, I know it doesn’t seem like it now,” she says, “but you are so great for him.”
She hangs up before I can repeat that we’re not together. My breath catches in my chest. It seems to be doing that lately when I think about Vale and how happy we were. Why couldn’t he have asked me to stay? Why couldn’t he have just told me he loved me?
I study the envelope in my hand. Bite my lip as I turn it over. He told me he had a story to tell me. Maybe the answers I need to start to heal are inside. I run my nail along the seal and crack open the first chapter of his origin story.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lily
“Lily? Are you here?” Kiki lets herself into my apartment. ”You’re missing your own party. Dal’s waiting in the Uber downstairs. Oh. What are you doing on the floor?”
Click. Click. Click. Her tiger print heels stop beside me. “Are those the letters?”
“Mmhmm.” The last letter clutched in my hand, I dab my eyes with the end of a roll of toilet paper and sniffle. It was the closest thing I had to tissue. The other nine letters are scattered around me. Blotched with my tears. “I read them.”
“And?” She drops down on the floor beside me. “What’s the verdict?”
“His life before I knew him… what he went through… it’s awful. Crazy. His dad…” I sob. “His brother could have killed him.”
“You’re not making sense, Lily.”
I gesture at the letters. “He couldn’t trust anyone. Didn’t trust himself. He thought I wouldn’t want him if I knew about his past. Thought I would turn my back on him. Expected us all to.”
“Okay.”
“It’s complicated.” I rip off a fresh piece of toilet paper as I sniff.
“What did he say about you?” she asks.
I glance at letter ten. Clutch it to my chest. Fresh tears fall down my cheeks. I smile for the first time in weeks. “He loves me. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me.”
“That’s good, right?” she asks.
“He can’t move to L.A. for me.” I sob. “I understand why. I would never expect…” I climb off the floor. “Where’s my purse?”
“Here.” She holds up the small quilted bag.
“Thanks.” I toss my keys in it.
“You’ll want this too.” She stands up and passes me my phone.
“I’ve got to go.” I hop on one foot while I struggle into one booty and then the other. The letter is still in my hand, growing more crinkled. “I have to find him. I have to tell him I won’t move. I won’t take the job. I’ll stay. If that’s what he needs. I mean, I’ll have to go for a while. But only until Carlan can replace me. We can do long-distance for a few months.”
“You’re choosing him over your career,” she says. “Are you sure?”
“He opened up his heart for me. That’s all I ever wanted.” I tear open the door. I smile and cry at the same time. Laugh because I’m ridiculous. “I love him.”
“Then we’ll go and find him. But first you might want to clean up,” she points a finger and circles it to indicate my face.
“Oh right.” I sniffle and wipe my fingers under my eyes. The tips come away with mascara on them. I smile at the stupid mess from my crying jag. Smile because I feel lighter than I have in weeks as I rush to the bathroom. Like I’m full of bubbles and might float away when I find him. “I’ll be a minute.”
“He was at the bar earlier,” she says when I’m presentable. “Maybe he’s still there.”
“Then let’s go and find him.” I race down the hallway.
We pile into the Uber with Dal. I jiggle the entire way to the bar. The ride seems to take forever. Finally, the driver pulls to the curb and I’m shoving open the door and racing into Line ‘Em Up with my heart in my hands.
There are people everywhere. It’s hectic. I spot Cal behind the bar. He’s smiling and talking to his brother-in-law Parker Kent and Parker’s best friend Dutch Daniels. Hayley is across the room with Fleetwood and her best friend Sadie. Arrow waves from the other end of the bar. Pez nods as he sails past with a tower of empty glasses.
Lewis and Trix are making nauseatingly sweet faces at each other as he cradles her baby bump and talks to my brother. I stopped in and spent a couple of hours with Jane this morning. Those babies have been holding on. I’ve tried to out wait them. But I’ll be back as soon as I can to meet them. Hud spots me and heads my way.