“So this is your lowest point, huh?” Cal’s voice comes from somewhere above me.
“Go away.”
“Can’t.” His feet come into view. A second later he crouches in front of me. “You’re a sorry piece of work, aren’t you?”
“How did you get into my apartment?”
“I got your spare key from Hud.”
“He didn’t want to come himself.” Of course he didn’t. I broke the damn bro code. We’re no longer friends.
“Time, my friend. Things will get better, you’ll see.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.” I flop on my back. “I love her, Cal. I fucking love her.”
“I know you do, pal.” He grips my shoulder and squeezes.
“It hurts.”
“I know.”
“I can’t move to L.A. for her, though.” I cover my face with my hands as my chest shakes with the welling emotion I can’t keep under control. It feels like I’m drowning without her. “I can’t ask her to stay here and give up her goals for me.”
“Why can’t you move to L.A?” he asks. “Is it because of Jessa? It sounded like you were still in love with this other girl when Lily asked you about her.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. I feel like I’m losing my whole damn mind. I’m gurgling with the laughter. Choking on it.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Jessa’s my sister.”
“I thought Arwen was your sister,” he says slowly. “She’s the one I’ve met, right?”
“She is.” I’m a sealed bottle of Coke and all my little secrets are fucking Mentos. It only took losing Lily to shake me up enough for all these things I’ve kept deep down to bubble to the surface. It feels like poison, holding this shit in. Letting it out is terrifying but suddenly unstoppable.
“And isn’t Jessa marrying your brother?” The lines around his mouth and eyes deepen.
“Half-brother on my mother’s side.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t know what to say. He’s probably imagining my family as Game of Thrones characters.
I inhale and let my next words escape on that breath. “Jessa’s my dad’s illegitimate love child. They’re not related at all.”
“And you and…”
“We dated in high school.” I grimace. “And before you ask, no we never… My father at least had the decency to tell me about her before things got that far.”
“Christ.” He taps his fingertips against his mouth. “I’m assuming Hud doesn’t know about this and neither does Lily.”
“I haven’t told anyone,” I admit. “Ever.”
“Except me now.”
“I couldn’t.” I cover my face with my hands. “How do you tell people you were infatuated with your sister?” That our shared genetics registered in my mind as attractive because my dad didn’t bother to fill any of us in on the fact that his affair had given me another half-sibling. Not that it was the only time he cheated on my mother, just the only one that ended up with me dating my sister. Until he’d pulled me aside to tell me that I could never see her again because we were related. That I needed to break up with her. “It’s not just embarrassing. It’s worse. It’s warped. There’s no way Lily would have wanted me if she knew. None of you would have looked at me the same.”
Cal shakes his head as he grabs my arm and manhandles me up off the floor. “I’m looking at you now, and you’re still the same guy. A little sadder. A tad more confused. Drunk and on the nose. But still fundamentally the guy I’ve known all these years. That we’ve all known.”
“Why aren’t you questioning me as to whether I meant for it to happen?”
“Because I have faith in you. You’re a good guy, Vale.”
“Do you really think that?” I stagger as he guides me toward my bedroom.
“Yeah, man.” He nudges me toward the bathroom. “We wouldn’t be friends otherwise. None of us would be. And Lily would never have given you the time of day if you weren’t a good guy. Now get yourself cleaned up. I’ll put coffee on. We have work to do.”
Twenty-five minutes later I’m showered and dressed and I’ve trimmed my facial hair into neat scruff. Cal has a pot of black coffee and two Tylenol waiting on the counter for me. I slide onto a stool and swallow the painkillers with coffee straight from the pot. Grimace as the hot liquid scalds my throat.
“I don’t know how you do that.” He sips from his own mug.
“Practice.” I glance around at my apartment. The lights are on and the empties have been cleared away. The cereal has been picked up and the dishes done. “You’ve been busy.”
He shrugs. “I had help.”
“Who?”
“Hey, sister fucker.” Hud comes into the kitchen and slides onto the stool beside me. He doesn’t look at me.
“You told him?” I jolt and my hand hits the coffee pot.
Hud catches it before it flies off the counter. “Told me what?”
“No,” Cal says. “I think he’s referring to Lily.”
“You had sex with my sister, fucker. You’re not living that down any time soon. But Cal told me how pathetic you were and I needed to see for myself.”
“He was worried about you,” Cal says. “Started messaging the minute I arrived. And I figured you might want to fill him in.”
“Yeah” I rub my temples. Truth is I should have told him long before now. Especially with what was occurring between me and Lily. I should have come clean when I started chasing her. “I guess.”
“What’s the story?” Hud asks.
“It’s a long one,” I say, knowing if I’m going to tell it again, I’m going to tell them the whole thing. Every detail.
“Got a beer for me then?” Hud asks.
“Yeah,” I say.
Cal grabs a pale ale from my fridge and tosses it to Hud.
“Looks like you’re suffering,” Hud says to me as he opens it. “Good.”
“Why are you here?” I ask. “Is it just to make my life more miserable?”
“That’s my fucking mission.” He snorts softly under his breath. “You’re aware you broke my sister’s heart. Which means we can’t be friends—”
“I’m sorry. It’s the last thing I meant to do. I love her, man. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Lil.” I turn to face him. I decided while I was in the shower that the only way forward was to be honest and open with everyone. Cal’s lack of judgement made me think it might not be as bad as I’ve built it up in my mind. Hud especially deserves my candor. He’s my best friend. He has to know that I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way.
And Lil… If I have to move to L.A. to be with her then I will find a way to be okay with that. “I don’t know if I can fix it, but I’m going to try.”
“Good.” He bumps my shoulder with his. “Because we can’t be friends until you do, and I miss you, man. I’ve been worried.”