“Fake it until it’s normal,” I mutter into my coffee.
“Yes.” She sips her brew.
“I called Carlan,” I say. “Told him I’m taking the job.”
“Good,” she says. “We’ll miss you but that will help you get over him.”
“I’m not sure it’s going to be that simple.”
“It never is, honey.”
My doorbell rings.
“It’s probably Hud,” I say. “He’s got to be at the end of his ability to give me space.”
She squeezes my knee. “I’ll get it.”
She’s back a minute later with a Door Dash delivery. She sets the red canvas bag on the coffee table in front of me. “It wasn’t Hud.”
“What is it?”
“Um.” She peeks inside. Smiles.
Reaching inside, she pulls out a bunch of blush colored stargazer lilies and sets them on the table. Next comes a bottle of orange Gatorade and a bunch of bananas. A tub of my favorite cookies n cream ice cream. Last is two fried egg sandwiches from Frank’s Deli, with jalapeños on the side.
“What is this?”
“It looks like he’s grovelling.” Kiki smiles.
I groan as I open the Gatorade. The first sip hits the spot. My stomach grumbles at the wafting scent of egg, bacon, and cheese. “It’s L.A. all over again. He’s trying to fix his friendship with my brother by making sure we’re okay. But I’m not okay. I can’t just get over this with fried sandwiches and a banana.”
“You should eat them, though.” She hands me the wrapped sandwiches. “You need something in your stomach after last night.”
“Fine.” I slowly tear the paper off the first one so that I can pick at the golden bread. It’s not satisfying though. Not without Vale here so I can steal his jalapeños.
She picks up the lilies. “I’m going to put these in water.”
“Put them in the trash,” I say. I don’t need any reminders of him in my apartment. Especially not one that will wilt and die like our relationship did.
“It would be a shame to waste such beautiful flowers. I’ll put them in some water.” She heads in the direction of the kitchen. “There’s a card attached.”
“I’m not ready to hear what he has to say.”
“Hmm.” She must read the card, because she comes back to place it in front of me. “You might want to read it.”
I glare at the folded bit of card. What can he possibly have to say that will make this situation better? I sit up and chew my lip. I just want to know why. I pick the card up like it might turn on me.
Hey there, pretty girl. I know that I hurt you and that right now you probably don’t even want to see me.
But you asked me why I chased you to L.A. Why I kissed you. Why I broke your heart despite my best intentions. It’s a complicated story. I started to tell you a while ago, but I never quite knew how to tell you about Jessa. So let me start out by telling you that I don’t love Jessa Kincaid. Not now. And if I’m honest, not then. But it’s an important story, and you should have all the pieces of it before I ask for your forgiveness. Unfortunately, it’s not a story that can be told in its entirety in one card so I hope you will stick with me while I tell you my origin story.
I throw the card back on the coffee table. Wipe my trembling fingers under my weepy eyes as I get to my feet. He’s finally ready to tell me his origin story when it’s too late? I wanted so much to be with him that I was ready to give up my goals for him. But that was yesterday. Today I’m moving to L.A. That’s what I need to focus on.
***
“Oh thank God.” Hud pulls me into a bear hug the minute he opens the door. “I was starting to think you were never going to forgive me.”
“The constant supply of donuts helped,” I say. “But I’m still angry that you felt the need to get involved in my love life.”
“I’m sorry, Lily. It’s been hard for me to realize that you’re all grown up.”
“Well, maybe not all grown up,” I say as he shuts the door and ushers me into the kitchen with his arm wrapped around my shoulder. “I should never have gotten involved with Vale. I don’t want you to give up your friendship for me. Especially when I’ll be all the way out in California.”
“So you took the partnership?”
I nod as I slide onto a stool. “I need to get away from here for a while and the job is exactly what I’d hoped to get here. But I’m going to miss seeing my nephews grow. You as a dad.” I smile. “They’re going to be so lucky.”
“Don’t cry, Lil.” He touches my face. “You’ll make me cry. Neither of us need those waterworks.”
I widen my eyes in an attempt to dry up the excess moisture. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a really difficult couple of weeks.”
“I know, kiddo.” He smiles at me as he fills us each a glass of water. “I wish I could have been there for you.”
“I missed you too,” I say.
“If it helps, you’re not the only one suffering,” he says. “Have you read the letters?”
“You know about the letters?” A new one has arrived each day since the first one. I haven’t been able to bring myself to read them yet. Ten unopened envelopes are piled up on the console next to the door. Staring at me every time I walk past them. Ripping open my wounded heart each time.
He covers my hands with his own. “Lil, you have to read them, okay? It’s important.”
“Why don’t you just give me the gist of them?” I sip my water. “He won’t come to L.A. with me. He doesn’t want me to stay. Either way, it’s over.”
“It’s not my place to tell you what’s in them,” he says. “You’re going to have to brave it on your own. But if you love him as much as I think you do, you have to give him this chance.”
“I’ll think about it.” It’s the best I can do right now. Thinking about him hurts. Talking about him makes my heart ache. Reading those letters is going to leave me raw. I just know it. “How about we enjoy this last family dinner, huh?”
“All right.” He pats my hand as he moves to the stove to check whatever delicious thing he’s in the middle of cooking. “We’re having a going away party at the bar, that right?”
“You’ve already organized it, no doubt,” I sass him.
He winks. “There’s something organized. That’s all I know.”
“And wi-will Vale be there?” Even now I’m getting choked up. How am I supposed to read ten freaking letters?
“Cal took him off the roster,” Hud says. “He hasn’t worked at the bar since the incident.”
“Oh.” I don’t know what to say to that. “Is Cal that angry?”
“Uh, no. Vale quit the bar.”
“What?” The water shakes in the glass in my hand.
Hud shrugs. “Read the letters, Lil.”
***
It’s my last night in my apartment. I’m all packed. My plane leaves at six a.m. Containers full of everything I don’t need immediately are stacked in a tower against the wall, ready for Hud to move them into the storage shed I’ve rented. The walls are bare. The fridge is empty.