I shake my head. Like Mercy, I was raised to be pretty and do what others expected of me. Everything in me says I’m so much more than that, but it’s still so hard to change. Instead, I make the same choice Mercy Stone made all those years ago when faced with the same decision. I might hate myself in the morning, and I know for sure Nathan will hate me in the morning, but I do it anyway. I take the easy way out.
I take off my Claddagh ring and hold out my right hand to Jay. “It’s gorgeous, babe. I’d be proud to wear your promise ring.”
I jolt out of a dreamless sleep to someone pounding on my door. I sit up, confused. For a second, I almost call out for James before remembering where I’m at and using the right name—the modern name—instead.
“Jay, if this is supposed to be a head’s up to someone pulling the fire alarm, tell the guys they won’t catch anyone in the shower at this hour,” I call. “All the sane people are asleep. You should be too.”
“Meredith, why haven’t you been answering my calls or texts?” Nathan’s muffled voice asks. “Could you please open the door? We need to talk.”
My heart jumps at the sound of his voice, no matter how much I tell myself it shouldn’t. I have Jay’s promise ring on my finger. I shouldn’t have such a reaction to someone else.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I call. “Go back to your room, Nathan.”
“If you really believe we have nothing to talk about, Meredith, you’re lying to more people than just yourself.”
I slide out of bed, pad across the floor, and open the door a crack. Nathan looks desperate. His dark hair is disheveled. He’s also barefoot and wearing a faded high school track team t-shirt with flannel pajama pants. “It’s past inter-dorm curfew,” I say. “Do you want to get us both in trouble? Maybe even expelled?”
“I don’t care about that,” Nathan says. “It’s not like curfew stopped us before. Or do you only break the rules when it’s convenient for you?”
“That’s not fair, Nathan, and you know it.” We stare each other down before I relent. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“You know what about!” Nathan shouts before I shush him by clamping a hand over his mouth and pulling him into my dorm room. “You know what about,” he repeats quieter once we’re inside with the door shut.
“Is this about Jay?” I ask. “I figured he couldn’t resist saying something once we got back from Stone Lake.”
Nathan looks confused. “What are you talking about?”
Relief floods through my entire body. I have some time before I have to crush him. Good. The more time I can buy, the better. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how we left Mercy and Nate’s story unfinished,” Nathan says. “I think we need to go back at least once more or we’ll never know what we need to avoid this time around. It’s like walking away from a puzzle with one piece left to put in place. We need to finish this journey, Meredith. Didn’t Mrs. King at Psychic Square say Mercy and Nate weren’t at peace? Maybe getting the whole story out will help them rest.”
“A lot of ghosts around here are restless, Nathan.” I try to dismiss his concern, even though the thought of Mercy and Nate with unfinished business or unable to move on hurts my heart. “They aren’t the first and won’t be the last.”
“But they were us.” He reaches for my hand, but I pull away. Hurt flashes across his face. Hurt I caused. Nathan takes a deep breath, seeming to recover from the disappointment. “Their issues are our issues, Meredith. If they can’t move on, neither can we.”
“We may have similar physical appearances and personality traits, but I think you’re forgetting that we are our own people now.” I move away from Nathan to sit on my unmade bed. “I’m glad we know about the soul-patterns. I’m glad we know what to look out for and avoid, but soul-patterns are patterns for a reason. It’s not as easy as you think to break them.”
“You just have to try a little harder.” Nathan sits next to me and reaches for my left hand. This time I let him take it. I hide my right hand with Jay’s ring under my pillow. “These memories, these connections, these dreams are like being given a second chance, Meredith. We screwed up before. We made the wrong choices. Now we have a second chance. Do you know how rare that is?”
“No, but I bet you’re about to tell me.”
“Don’t brush this aside,” Nathan warns. “It’s not a joke. Have you ever felt restless? Have you felt like there was something left unsaid or undone in your life?”
“Of course I have,” I say. “We’ve been over this already. I’ve always felt like there’s something or someone missing. That feeling’s gotten stronger since my mom died. It’s like I’m searching. I just don’t know for what.”
“Exactly. You might think all the things you’re searching for are related to the present, but I think I relate at least some of those missing pieces to Nate and Mercy,” Nathan says. “I bet the part of our souls that remembers being them can be at peace if we find the whole story and work at changing the bad patterns and mistakes we made back then. I can’t believe you’re just going to give up now. Aren’t you even willing to try?”
“You’re too optimistic,” I say. “You’re too sure of a happily-ever-after ending.” I stand to pace my room. I need to create some distance between us. I feel a tug toward Nathan that I need to ignore. Putting space between us will help me do that. “Nate did the same thing. He was so sure that all they had to do was run off together, and fate would take care of the rest. Mercy knew better. Mercy knew the world wasn’t all optimism and rainbows. Storybook endings don’t happen in real life, Nathan, and love rarely conquers all.”
“I know I have to work on being more practical.” He stands and leans against the post of my four-post bed. “That’s one pattern I need to work on. I need to keep both feet on the ground. I lead with my heart more than my head.”
“I’m the complete opposite.” I keep my tone neutral. If I’m committing to Jay, I need to keep Nathan in the friend zone. “I lead with my head instead of my heart.”
“Maybe we can both find a happy medium.” Nathan sticks his hands in his pajama pants pockets and throws me a relaxed half-smile. “Maybe that’s why fate brought us together again this time around. We’re supposed to find balance together.”
“We were brought together because you fell off the rotunda, and my dad gave you a good financial aid package.” I know how harsh the words sound, but I’m hoping to jar some sense into him. “Not everything is about fate. Some things are just coincidence.”
“I don’t believe that.” Nathan lifts his chin. “I don’t believe in coincidence.”
“Maybe you should believe and stop looking for patterns and symbols everywhere.” I rub my eyes, exhausted by everything I’m expected to be. Dutiful daughter, girlfriend, straight A student, fixer of past-life patterns. Why can’t anyone just let me be me for once and not stick a label on me?