There you have it, my mother’s fate is sealed.
“Shug?” My mother’s questioning eyes beg me to do something.
“You did this to yourself.” I turn to leave and walk back outside.
“Shug!” Chayser’s voice comes from behind me.
“I can’t do this, Chayser. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
His hands grasp my arms. “Don’t do this.”
Pulling away from him, I repeat, “I’m sorry. I thought for a second maybe we could have something, but then this…” I point toward the door of the clubhouse. “I can’t, Chayser.” A new round of tears begins to fall.
His eyes narrow, and he throws his arms in the air. “You’re just going to give up that easily?”
“I’m not giving up.” I smile. “That’s what you don’t get. This is your life, Chayser, not mine. I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m getting the hell out of this city!”
A deep rumbling laugh escapes him. “You mean you’re going after that fucking cowboy.”
“I don’t know where I’ll end up. All I know is, I’m going to have a future, and it’s away from Satan's Sinners.” Part of that's true, but he’s right, I’m heading to North Carolina. I should have fought harder for Cody, and I should have never let him leave.
“I’m not chasing after you anymore.” He shakes his head and snaps, “I hope you find whatever it is you’re searching for.”
“I’m not asking you to chase after me. I never wanted you to,” I throw back.
His nostrils flare, and he squares his shoulders. “Don’t fucking come back here when you want to run away again.” He storms into the clubhouse.
I stagger to my car, and once I have the key in the ignition, I call Pudge.
“Hey,” she answers quickly.
“Where are you?” I ask as I pull out of the gate.
“I just got home, why?”
I grin. “Pack a bag. We’re going on a road trip.” After I hang up, I call Ever.
“Cody.” Her voice trembles behind me.
Turning to face her, I ask, “What’re you doin’ here, Sonya?” I didn’t even hear her climb up the ladder or step into the loft in the barn. I’ve been up here throwing bales of hay down to the lower level. She looks exhausted but good at the same time. Really good actually in her oversized t-shirt and shorts with her hair pulled up high into a messy bun.
“I followed Jake.” She casts her gaze downward and fiddles with her fingers. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but you can’t be mad at me for my past. I’m sure that redhead in the office wasn’t the first woman you’d ever fucked.”
I take a deep breath and slowly release it. “It wasn’t your past, though, was it?” My brows furrow, it still hurts like hell seeing her there. “I haven’t fucked anyone since I met you, and when I showed up to surprise you, I was hit with my own surprise. It ripped my fuckin’ heart out seein’ you walk out of that hallway with him and holdin’ his hand.”
“I wasn’t having sex with him. I haven’t been with anyone since I met you either. But you don’t understand my life, Cody.”
“Then explain it to me, because I’m still tryin’ to figure out how a smart and beautiful woman would want to—”
“I didn’t want to!” Sonya’s voice rises in volume. “I had to.”
Taking the gloves off my hands, I throw them onto the loft floor. “What do you mean had to?”
She sighs heavily. “My mom was a club whore before she ever had me and got pregnant by one of the bikers. Bulk, the president at the time, let her stay there while she was pregnant with me. By the time I was fifteen, she was addicted to drugs, drank all the time, and her addiction had gotten so bad, she stole thousands of dollars from the club.” She shakes her head and continues, “I don’t know how she did it, but she took off in the middle of the night and left me there. I had nowhere to go and knew no one outside of the club. Bulk let me stay there and started putting me through college, but it was on the condition that I paid my dues when I turned eighteen. Hanger, the president now, took over when Bulk was killed and kept on paying my tuition. I would have never been able to pay off what I owed, and my mother’s debt and Bulk knew that. Even with the money I made from the clothing store, it would have never been enough.”
“Why not just give them money instead of yourself?”
“I tried, but Bulk wouldn’t take my money. I had no choice, Cody. I floated through this life I hated. Hanger never knew what Bulk told me, and I assumed Hanger would do as Bulk did, but I was wrong.”
“Why wouldn’t you kiss me? You barely touched me.”
“You were the first guy I ever felt something for. I wanted to be valued for more than my body. I wanted something real for the first time in my life. Sex with the club meant nothing, I felt nothing. It was like I could zone out and take myself to another place until it was over. I never enjoyed any of it. But when you kissed me…” Her smile beams. “My world brightened, the earth shattered beneath my feet, and my body exploded with feelings. It was breathtaking, and nothing I had ever experienced before.”
I cocked a brow at her. “I was your first kiss?” I ask in disbelief.
She nods. “You were.”
“I’m sorry for the shitty hand you’ve been dealt. I’m sorry for leavin’ and not lettin’ you explain.” I understand her a little more now that I know her story. After I had that talk with Momma and Jake, I knew I needed to re-evaluate how I felt about Sonya. Would it have really been worth losing her forever? I knew it wouldn’t, which is why I was going to leave for Kansas tomorrow, but she came to me instead.
“Can you forgive me?” Sonya’s eyes plead with me.
“I can forgive you, but what happens now?”
She shrugs. “Pudge and I will get an apartment and look for jobs.”
“Wait, you’re staying in North Carolina?” My chest tightens with hope.
She laughs. “Yeah, we packed our suitcases yesterday and just left.”
“I think you can definitely be forgiven.” I stride closer to her and snake my arm around her waist, pulling her into me. She gazes up at me as I stare down at her, and my lips descend on hers softly at first until our tongues slide together, then it’s a fight to stay in control.
We break from the kiss, and clothes fall from our bodies while our eyes remain locked. “You’re so beautiful,” I praise her as she stands before me naked and stunning. Her long dark hair flows down over her shoulders, covering her tight rosy nipples.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” Sonya smirks before wrapping her arms around my neck. Connected once again, I lower us to the floor of the barn. This will more than likely hurt like hell from the hay and splinters of wood, but at this moment, I don’t care. I’m not going to ruin this with trying to find somewhere else more comfortable. “Do you have a condom?” she mumbles against my lips.